AIBU? Friend judging my car seat safety!

[mollibu]

Hi all!

AIBU to still have my 4 year old rear facing in the car? I've fallen out with a good friend of mine as she keeps making sly comments and digs about my 4 year old in a rear facing car seat.

Please tell me if IABU?
Thanks!

I judge people who dont even strap their children in to a car seat- have them free range in the back or on their laps😑

What on earth is she “digging” about?? Rear facing seats are by far the safest. Infact the EU were going to make only rear facing seats for under 6s legal until the European car industry kicked up a fuss as most European manufacturered cars struggle to fit in the larger seats.

Does your DD hate it and make a big fuss the whole time? My DSD has one in her Mums car and she hates it so much she will unclip herself and climb out of it whilst on the move obviously sending her Mum into a wild panic. I honestly think at this point it's more dangerous than just letting it face front.

Not saying that your wrong - I can totally see the sense in it but is this maybe why your friend has mentioned it?

A lot of people do seem to make digs at (for want of a better expression) 'best practice' parenting (and other) decisions. It's as if they want to make themselves feel better for not having gone that way themselves. We've bought a seat that can be rear facing until 18kg and as our 3yo is tiny for her age, I suspect she'll be that way round for a good long while yet. It really is a lot safer when they're small.

its been a very long time since my DC were babies so i had to google rear facing car seat!! mine went in forward facing ones. however now i have...why does she care? As long as its legal and youre happy then why on earth would you give a shit what another parent is doing or what car seat they have?! genuinely confused by this.

I've been on the recieving end of a few sly digs about ERF. I don't know what it is about ERF that bugs people so much?? I've found that people get kind of defensive about it as though they think that your saying that they are a bad parent for forward facing their child.....but I'm not, I'm just rear facing mine

How can a 4 year only be in rear facing?? Where do their legs go? I think it's stupid

@SirVixofVixHall how did your 8 year olds fit in a rear facing car seat?

I expect this is one of those situations where the digs relate to the fact that you don't do the same as your friend and, in turn, she therefore thinks you are criticising her parenting by doing differently to her and/or she doesn't have confidence in her parenting decision so needs you to do the same as her in order to confirm she's right.

I've had it with friends who switched to formula and then starting spouting on about how breastfeeding wasn't suitable past 6 months because of the lack of iron (and therefore trying to persuade me to switch to formula) and being told that spoon feeding my dd will damage her and BLW is the best thing so I should do the same.

Fwiw my dd is forward facing but, unlike my friends who complained about the ABOVE, I'm happy with my decision to do so 😉.

All Scandi kids are RF until 4 and they are a lot taller that British ones. Their legs will not "go" anywhere, stay attached as they are. In case of an accident, hopefully so the head will stay attached as well.

RF is safest at that age. Maybe she feels criticised because you're not doing the exact same thing as her. Which is daft as we all parent differently but maybe that's why she's hitting out. She's totally in the wrong though. Just ignore her. You know you're doing what's right for you and your DC

Thanks all for your replies! - for those few comments; we haven't fallen out over a car seat- we've fallen out because I had enough of the sly comments coming from her every time we meet up.

I Will defo stick with rear facing for now.

What age would you swap your child over to FF?

I swapped to forwards facing when my child was over the weight and height limit for the extended RF seat he was in. This happened to be when he was 3 years old, but he was/is off the top of the centile charts for height. He was easily the size of a typical 4-plus year old at that point. I wanted to keep him rear facing but couldn't find a seat that would have accommodated him at the size/weight he was.

I have Axkid Minikid which goes to 125 cm and 25 kg. That's 50th percentile for 7.5 year old UK boy

I'm keeping mine rear facing as long as she can stay that way. We'll be upgrading her seat to a 25kg seat next year (much easier and cheaper to get hold of these days compared to even a couple of years ago though!).

When people comment on the fact she's 'still' RF (not even 2yo!) I like to point out that I'd prefer my child not to be internally decapitated in the event of an accident. If they have issues with that it's their own bloody problem.

Keep rf as long as you want evidwnce shows it is 5x safer and no instances of internal decapitation unlike under 6s in ff.

Second axkid minikid dd1 has that, she is small and at almost 6 can still fit in the 18kg rf seat her sister has. She do3s ff now in my dads and inlaws car due to space but dd2 (3) and fairly heavy still rear faces in all cars.
My inlaws made lots of digs about rf and breast feeding but our kids our decisions.

I agree, when I was looking for a new seat, 3 plus years ago now, there really wasn't the range there is now.

emmilyb you think its stupid? 😂
Well in that case let's all forward face our children quickly!
Their legs go in front of them or down the sides of the chair.

My very tall 3 year old is rf in his axkid minikid and has no issue with it at all. He will continue until he outgrows it. Don't worry OP, like others have said, it's generally an attempt to make themselves feel better about their decision. Which obviously doesn't need to happen.

@QueenOfCatan funnily enough i do the same thing. Only when people really start getting nasty but it stops them thankfully.

emmilyb - they were within the height /weight range for the seat until then. Skinny and light. Eldest tallish, younger not tall, she was in for slightly longer than her sister. They were 7 or eight when they switched to forward facing. The seat they had was made for Sweden, it was a Britax one, but we had it sent from Sweden where they rear face until at least 4, and are taller than us, so a generous sized seat. They were comfortable, so there was no reason to change until then.

@treaclepie19 exactly. I only ever get sarcastic or snappy when they don't stop going on about it. It's the only thing I have strong feelings about parenting wise and whilst I generally leave others to it and don't comment unless asked for comment (and I'm then polite about it), but it bugs me that people are so stubborn about it because "it was fine when we were kids!" and they go on at me about it because they don't like that I do it differently.

I've only ever been snappy about it a few times thankfully and mainly to the same two people (in laws!) but I had a 'discussion' at baby group when a woman said she was turning her 9mo and started telling others to do the same too despite the new 15mo rule (which is why she started going on about it as she didn't see the point in it apparently!)

It's weird how vitriolic people get over this. My dd2 is almost 4 and still happily rear facing. Believe me she'd soon tell anyone in ear shot if she was uncomfortable! Fwiw I don't think I'd want to sit for long with my legs dangling like they would be if she was ff.
We'll turn her when she outgrows the seat.

I have dts who are almost 5.
Dts is tall and heavy, and outgrew his rf to 18kg seat a few months ago, so he's been upgraded to a hbb.
Dtd is lighter, and hasn't reached 18kg yet, so she's still in the rf seat.
Dts complains every time we get in the car that he doesn't like his new seat, and wants his old one back, which was "much betterer", and that it's not fair that his sister is still in her seat.
I do get comments from people, but they're mainly the ones who have their 2 year olds in hbb, so I just ignore them.

@alphabravo because I believe in balancing safety against comfort and development. My DS and I chat constantly in the car about what is around us, where we are going, what is ahead etc. If he is facing the back of a chair he’s not going to learn much. It’s my choice and one I’m comfortable with.
I don’t know 1 person in RL who uses a rear facing seat for their DS after stage 1.