To not understand why our house/life is such a shitshow?

[beclev24]

We are having dinner tonight. DS2(5) is having a tantrum because his picture didn’t turn out right and he doesn’t like the dinner. The baby is crying. There’s mess everywhere. Earlier DS1 (8) and DS2 had an argument about who know what which ended with them both crying.

We have 3 boys ages 8, 5 and 9 months. Everyday just seems to be total chaos. They are wild - tgere constantly seems to be bad behavior or tantrums or some crisis minute to minute. DH and I barely sit down. AIBU to not understand why it is always this hard? We are loving parents, we are consistent, set boundaries, give positive attention and consequences etc etc- all the stuff you are meant to do. They are sweet loving boys who are bright/do well at school etc etc. They each get lots of individual attention. I just don’t get why it’s almost always this hard and chaotic . Are we the only ones?? Are other people’s family lives very calm and orderly? If so, how do you do it??

I can't really explain it, I guess it's just that my 10 and had year old is really independent and things aren't a battle anymore. He can do jobs that genuinely help . Also he doesn't do any clubs anymore( I pull up outside a shop he runs in to buy milk etc) . He can shower etc without too much supervision, gets on with his homework and what's asked if him. 7 year old is still defiant 😂 but I can see the light at the end of the tunnel with her. (She's generally easier anyway- think it's a girl thing). Don't get me wrong it's no walk in the park they still fight and the house is still a shit tip a lot of the time ! But it does somehow feel easier . Yours are still little hang in there xx

The ones that have clean houses have kids on iPads!

Thanks!Tbh the clean house is the least of it. If the kids were calmer I could cope with having a messy house...

I actually miss the chaos 😂 I never thought Id say that but I don't like that they are close to growing up (as I type this there's a shit storm going on downstairs 😬)

thismummydrinksgin . I know- I'm sure I will miss it too, but in the meantime it's hard! Isn't there some kind of happy medium?

I don't know everything but I know it isn't the fact you have boys rather than girls! I have one of each but dd causes no less chaos than ds at each age they reach.

Just be yourselves and that is a good start!

It's partly their age - it does get better - in a couple of years the oldest will disappear into his bedroom and most of his mess will then be confined..

One very wise Reception teacher said to me that young children cannot behave all of the time so I could either have kids that behaved well at home and were a nightmare when out or vice versa. Yours obviously feel secure enough to misbehave at home - I'd take it as an indication you are doing something right.

londonmummy thank you- that’s a helpful way to look at it.

6 year old boy 4 year old girl and almost 2 year old boy with autism.
Every day is a battle.
However the older two are doing very well at school, they just seem to bring all their daftness home for me 😂 I'm slowly learning the housework can be scattered over a few days, and to stop and enjoy what the kids are actually doing . So easy to concentrate on the shit storm and miss magical moments.

Another one here whose house is always chaos.... mind you it’s not just due to the kids and the time I spend with them, we live with the in laws and DHs brother and although the house is big enough we have too much crap and clutter around.
It’s exhausting just trying to find a place to start with cleaning sometimes.
Mind you the week that PILS and BIL went away for a holiday the house was spotless - so it’s clearly them with the most crap.

we have 3, dd1, then 2 ds.

they're a bit older (15, 12 and 9).

as PPs have said, recognise the triggers. dd is horrendous when she's hungry, or tired, or hormonal (which is basically 100% of the time at the moment).

we kind of have to think of the DSs like dogs, that need a run at least once or twice a day. if they get that, they're much calmer.

also, we fill their evenings with as many activities as possible. boredom is the worst thing in our house for causing bad behaviour.

as for the arguments and bickering, i'm interpreting this as a sign of self-confidence - they're all comfortable standing up for themselves, and their own feelings (even if that's with us!). i could be deluded, but that's what i'm hoping.

if any of them stopped arguing back, and caved in, then i'd be even more worried.

finally, i'm not sure i want placid, unassuming children. i have regular interactions with lots of children (through coaching sport, and helping at cubs/beavers etc), and the quiet ones that wouldn't say boo to a goose are BORING! much rather have some cheeky ones to talk to!