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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

'Six weeks we waited and waited for you!' AIBU or is SIL a CF?

64 replies

BunsOfAnarchy · 16/10/2018 00:08

So SIL1 decided to berate me on a few things over the phone the other day, one of them being that it was a massive piss take that i never took my DD to my FILs until she was 6 weeks old and he waited and waited and waited for me to come over....

FIL lives with my BIL and SIL2 about a 5 min drive away.

I mean...I was a bit busy recovering from birth, trying to establish breastfeeding and generally just busy with my first born, trying to make motherhood work!....and not driving till she was about 8 weeks due to discomfort. I cant see the issue! Please tell me im not alone in wanting to live in a coccoon post birth?!

DD is 26w now.

OP posts:
feelsicksicksick · 16/10/2018 00:12

Tell her to piss off, if she or they wanted to see you little one so much they should of asked if they could come round. If not that's your choice. What gives people the right to think they should have access to a child because they share the same blood! People piss me off so much! Seriously tell her to do one

Disquieted1 · 16/10/2018 00:15

First off: tell her to fuck off. You're not going to take any lectures from her.

Second: he's only 5 minutes away and it took six weeks to see granddad? If granddad's ill in some way, you should have taken the baby to see him. If not he can make the bloody effort himself!

Original poster
BunsOfAnarchy · 16/10/2018 00:24

Agh. I should have added. Grandad did come over a maybe 2 or 3 times in that time and id say he comes once a month now (if that).
Its because he wanted to make a big deal out of her first time at her grandparents which i guess is understandable. But why is it even SIL1's business?! I dont have a MIL and SIL2 barely acknowledges me, and didnt speak to me even then. So it was a pretty quiet affair anyway!

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 16/10/2018 00:27

Firmly and LOUDLY tell your SIL to FUCK OFF. She is a shit-stirring cow. You have nothing to apologise for.

Returnofthesmileybar · 16/10/2018 00:28

"First love, it's that man over there, fil's son you should be having this conversation with not me. His family, his responsibility. Secondly, you and fil know where our house is, you could have called here. Thirdly and most importantly, I had just given birth and frankly you were not up there on my list of priorities. And lastly, never speak to me like that again, ever, you have no control over what I do or when I do it, so you can keep your opinions to youself" or a similar reply to that seems about right to me

Returnofthesmileybar · 16/10/2018 00:31

Hang on a second, he had seen the baby?? Ah here, the first visit to the grandparents house is not a big deal, don't pander to that shit!

pallisers · 16/10/2018 00:35

next time she starts to berate you say politely "i really have no interest in being scolded by you. Bye now see you soon".

On the other hand, imagine what her daughter in law will be posting in 20 years time!

BeaTrewts · 16/10/2018 00:55

FIL and Sils are your DP's side of the family. Why was SIL having a go at you?

Get your DP to sort them out. His circus, his monkeys.

mediumbrownmug · 16/10/2018 01:35

YANBU. Actually, I can't see why you engaged with your SIL over that. I'd have put the phone down on her. [shrug] None of her business.

Blondebakingmumma · 16/10/2018 07:16

I was told not to drive for six weeks post birth....
Does your SIL have children? She may be clueless as to motherhood
Hand ball her to your DH. Does waist your time worrying about them

Redshoeblueshoe · 16/10/2018 07:23

Returnofthesmileybar has nailed it

Shiklah · 16/10/2018 08:06

I’d totally ignore it and if she says anything look perplexed and say ‘I assumed that was sent to me in error, it was meant for your brother wasn’t it?’

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 16/10/2018 08:54

When you have a new baby, people come to you, not the other way around.

It's the law. Though if for whatever reason they can't and you do feel like going to them - e.g. ancient housebound GGM - that is allowed.
Your SiL is just stirring.

Piffle11 · 16/10/2018 08:58

Is the first time a baby visits Grandparents' house a thing now? Or only in SIL's head? Looks like she's just looking for a reason to have a go at you. As others have said: let your DH deal with her - see if she gives him grief.

Parisbun · 16/10/2018 09:05

Unless you previously had a close and warm relationship with SIL then you should ignore everything she says. Totally blank any reprimands or demands . Nothing to do with you and her opinion is less than interesting to you.
Dont let nobodys live your life for you.

Sallycinammonbangsthedruminthe · 16/10/2018 09:14

Delete ..Block..refuse to engage..job done! You don't need that crap OP ! Just ignore and any future dealings with her have no part of ..refer her to your OH...

cookiesandchocolate · 16/10/2018 09:18

Where's your OH in all this?

Sleeplikeasloth · 16/10/2018 09:25

Honestly, if it's only 5 mins away, I find it a little odd that you didn't pop round, but that's more between your partner/husband and his dad, not you. But I think it's odd for him to get upset about it given he popped round himself. Sometimes it is easier if people come to you.

I guess it depends on what your lifestyle was like the first 6 weeks. If you were pretty much always at home, and struggling to get out much, then I think it's more reasonable they'd always come to you, but if you were going out everyday, long trips etc then I think it's more reasonable to expect you to pop over in a spare hour. But not really your responsibility to sort is it, it's your partners.

EK36 · 16/10/2018 09:34

Your SIL can't have had any children. Otherwise she would understand the trauma of afterbirth, and sleepless nights establishing a feeding pattern. Please tell me she doesn't have any kids OP!

toomuchtooold · 16/10/2018 09:34

First trip to grandparents' house. This sounds like the sort of shite my mother makes up - you've never heard of it in your life before but suddenly it's aThing and you're retrospectively in trouble for not doing it. Ignore it, and assume unless you find out otherwise that FIL knows nothing about this conversation and that he was perfectly happy to come and visit you. They do that, these people, they rope other people into their stupid complaints to try and make them sound more impressive. It's all designed to cause trouble.

Inertia · 16/10/2018 09:39

Sod that.

Anyone wanting to see a newborn fits around whatever works for the new baby, ideally providing food as well .

thecatsthecats · 16/10/2018 09:42

I mean, I'm excited to have my nephew visit for the first time (I shit you not, my sister is just as excited for him to 'meet my cats'! We're both cat lovers and hers are young and skittish, whereas mine are old and gentle and great with babies).

But it will happen in time, and it will be when it suits both of us.

I have no idea what makes people nutty about babies. Possessive, hierarchical and plain weird.

livefornaps · 16/10/2018 13:29

Say "oh I was training the baby for its first ceremonial shit outside our home"

CoughLaughFart · 16/10/2018 14:42

If your father-in-law was housebound and you hadn’t gone around, I’d think you were unreasonable. But he came over to see you, which I think is pretty standard procedure with a newborn. All this ‘We waited and waited!’ business sounds like she’s just a drama queen - especially five months on!

Original poster
BunsOfAnarchy · 16/10/2018 15:43

FIL is not housebound. Works, drives car etc.
SIL1 has an adult son! You'd think she would remember...but no!
In first 2 months i didn't drive, (tore my episiotomy so driving hurt) my own dad would pick me and DD up so my unwell mum could see us both.
Only went to appointments (my dad drove me) or a visit 5 mins away to my brothers on a weekend.
DH told them to F off later on and not expect us to pander to their will when they should be making the effort.

Its just bullshit really. I really struggled trying to BF. I didn't want to take her anywhere in the evenings either (they're not home during the day as they all work!)

OP posts: