To often feel like giving up (though I know I can't)?

Yes I am responsible for his financial affairs BlackeyedGruesome as I am responsible (along with DH) for every aspect of his life: dressing, toiling, washing, feeding, the lot. DS couldn't be safely left alone even for a few minutes.

So I do resent it when anyone with no first hand knowledge of what this is like, presumes to pass judgment; all the same as this friend felt so strongly that what we did was wrong I wanted to have a reality check.

Not toiling (although there is some of that involved); toileting. Every aspect of his care; eg have to give him a bath later this morning so that means soaping and rinsing him, drying him off etc. He can't do any of it himself.

He is both an adult and fully dependent. So when my friend said this I felt both resentful and also worried that I did have this seriously wrong in not treating him like the adult he is.

Thank you so much Candleabra for your kind words, that means a lot.

Feel like giving up all over again now....again I can't and won't but part of me wishes I just could:

Have to go to my pretty demanding job tomorrow though have arranged a couple of days off this week because DH needs an operation which is q risky, he has a potentially life shortening condition.

DS just had a meltdown this evening. Screaming and raging, he knocked over and ripped out a large pot plant so there was soil everywhere, tried to pull pictures off the walls, bit DH on the leg and tried to bite me (his bites really hurt) and ripped & ruined my (expensive) top.

He calmed down eventually and we spent the last half hour clearing up, hoovering soil off the floor and settling him down for bed. DH leg is bleeding and he is stressed out....bloody brilliant given his condition is caused & aggravated by stress.

There's nothing to say about it is there? It is what it is.

Thank you HeyThereDelilah1, yes it was possible friend was a Tory and thus had a vested interest in this. I hadn't thought about that and tbh I don't ask friends how they vote....to me voting Tory is something people should do secretly and shamefully, like diarrhoea. So it is best I don't know.

I cleared up this evening and then have just been sitting here stunned really. It's not the first time this has happened, DS can't express or articulate his anger or upset so we get the brunt of it. But we are not well equipped to deal with it. DH has gone to bed exhausted.

Thank you UnRavelling, op is soon this week & I will be so glad when it is over. Nobody irl to talk to....well in fact there are some people and I have talked about a bit but I keep feeling that there is nothing to talk about, as though I am unduly upsetting people by bringing this up and it is in bad taste.

Fingers crossed and hope for better times, that's all I can do.

DH has had his op and is recovering. DS has been worried, the dear one knew that something was wrong but he doesn't quite understand what is at stake.

We are trying to get DS confirmed in his further education....but it is proving problematic. DS has been offered a place at a college for adults with special needs; but they keep telling us that the Local Authority needs to approve funding for the place (which they have advised us they have done in principle).

We keep telling the LA: what do you want us to do? The LA tell us they have approved funding for DS and the college say they have a place for DS...but they tell us there is still a problem. We keep telling them: bloody sort this out between yourselves, don't involve us as we are not equipped to deal with it.

I don't know why I am posting this here..I have written this incoherent missive but please don't feel too badly about me. I just want my DS to have a settled place.

I am talking at a void I know. I wish it wasn't like this but I am talking at a void. Not even to it...just at it.

I am sitting up here as I often do of an evening...not wanting tomorrow to come as it always brings more trouble, and today I already had enough.

Living sits and shouts into the hostile void.....but why is it hostile? I can't really get my head around why it is necessary to shout. But there it is; we have a government that does not wish us well, and shows that in everything they do. It is hostile to me and my DS.

I cant get my head around why the environment is so hostile....a wealthy country like this one, which calls itself civilised, should be rolling out support for people like my DS whose quality of life is entirely dependent on what his country, which calls itself civilised, chooses to give him. You would think that a country like this would be proud of how it supported the most vulnerable.

But you would be amazed at the hostility this country has aimed at my darling DS. Feel ashamed yet? You should. (Not personally....but at what is being done in this country in your name)

So back to the hostile void. I beg to it: 'Please stop being hostile. Please don't send more trouble to my poor DS or to me! It is not character-building believe me! Consider our characters well and truly built! I think that I, my DH and DS have fairly good characters on the whole which don't need further building. Please, just ease off on the character building thing now and let us just have good lives....DS most of all.

'Have you thought about the fact that there were things you could do that could make our lives easier? Do you not care that you could do that? I can't get my head round that...anyone who doesn't care about making the lives of people like DS and us easier, is not really a human being.

Please, void, stop being hostile. Ease off the hostility and consider that a country that calls itself civilised should maybe just enable things for the most vulnerable people like my DS? I don't want to live in dread for his future....and I don't see why I should, this is a rich country'.

Please, 5th richest country of the world in which I live, put vulnerable people like my DS at the centre of everything. There are no excuses not to.

I'm torn to pieces. I'm hardly even a human being anymore. But despite that I do love DS, that is the only thing I have going for me. I don't want to be totally damned even though that seems to be where everything is pointing.

Thank you HettyPain for your kind words. It means a lot just to be listened to and acknowledged. I am just doing what any conscientious parent would do; I am not special (I sort of wish I were - it might be easier to cope with then), it is our circumstances that are out of the ordinary.

We have already approached our MP and yes he is very supportive - and not a Tory thankfully. He is very engaged with local activities for the disabled whereas the previous (Tory) MP didn't give a toss and was conspicuously absent from events.

Sorry to harp on about this and in stating that the Tories have inflicted a great deal of harm and are still doing so, I am not saying that all Tory supporters are evil - but it is a mystery to me how the decent ones justify their position to themselves.

The funding for DS placement has been approved in principle; had to threaten legal action in order to get it. But we have been contacted by social services who told us that the formal process to approve it is ongoing; I am scared they might still change their minds and pull the plug.

Thank you all so much. I hope you are right HeyThereDelilah that the Brexit mess may lead to the demise of the Tories and to better times.
At the moment though it seems some of the worst of the hostility and aggression is coming out. The viciousness with which DS and by extension we, have been treated at times would have to be experienced to be believed. So I don't know this is all going to end....a civilised society supports its most vulnerable in my view, so we are ceasing to be civilised.

The cynic in me thinks Brexit may be a big distraction from their failings in every other area; maybe we are not supposed to notice that things are falling apart under their watch. No wonder they don't like being held to account over this: www.theguardian.com/politics/2019/may/22/amber-rudd-to-lodge-complaint-over-un-austerity-report

We just got a letter that advises us as follows: 'regarding the transport support that was offered to DS while he has been at school....as he is turning 18 this summer the transport will no longer be provided by the Transport team'.

The letter ended with this heartfelt sentiment: 'I'd like to take this opportunity to wish DS all the very best for the future'.

2 trains of thought emerged from this:

It is so good to know that now that DS has come of age he no longer needs transport as he has miraculously recovered the use of his legs on reaching adulthood;

I am sorry that Theresa May was upset today because she had to resign; however on balance, I feel a lot sorrier for the rest of us especially the most vulnerable. I don't know what the future holds for DS.

I am sitting here contemplating sanity.....do I have it? How can I tell? I am not sure that I am sane really...have had episodes lately where I have been literally nauseous from stress.

I feel like an angry, bitter, twisted-up travesty of a human being....yet the only thing to be said in my favour, is that I am a travesty that dearly loves my DS. Will that be enough though...in a country that seems to be falling apart? Will that country care for its most vulnerable like my DS?

Dear all, I am feeling thoroughly guilty because I haven't acknowledged your kind posts for far too long. I can't say how much I appreciate and value them. It may ring hollow but it is true.

DS is I hope going to the adult special needs college in September....but nothing has been finalised because the funding still has to be formally approved. Even though his school has already done the handover with the college and prepared him for it.

So I sincerely hope it is going ahead as planned, otherwise we will have the considerable challenge of explaining to someone with severe learning difficulties, why the future we had prepared him for isn't happening after all.