To often feel like giving up (though I know I can't)?

Dear all, thank you so much for your support. It means a lot as I don't get a lot of support irl other than from those whom I don't want to burden too much.

I have had a difficult couple of days....yesterday was really stressful as I had something really painstaking & upsetting to deal with. I was panicky although I think I handled it OK in the end but was really worried as it is a sensitive time. Nobody has said to me (yet) that I didn't handle it appropriately.....but it involved confidentiality & data protection issues & at one stage I thought I had breached them and the implications for that would have been serious.

Last night I woke up in a panic & cold sweat about it. I dreaded going to work to be greeted by emails complaining that I had got it seriously wrong & thereby let down my colleagues & manager. It took me all my courage to go into the office, sit down & switch on the email. Thankfully none of the repercussions I dreaded.

It sounds ridiculous writing it all down.....but when I am overtaken by nerves it is like a runaway train & I cant do anything about it. I certainly can't rationalise my way out of it. This morning I toyed with the idea of resigning rather than have to go in....anything to spare me this level of fear.

I keep thinking that I shouldn't feel fear like this, that I don't deserve it and there is no need for me to feel perpetually guilty & as though one day I will be 'found out' as lacking in professional ability.

I don't know what to do about it though......maybe the medication will help? How do I stop feeling like this, cut the fear dead in its tracks?

Thank you I am hoping the meds will work soon & I will feel better. I am having a call from the Wellbeing services tomorrow.

I feel such a fool though because I have been told today that my work contract is coming to an end shortly. I was told it was because of lack of work....I do want to believe that and it is not an excuse and the real reason is that I am a crap employee. I am sick of being crap in everyone's eyes....and then go onto the next job interview and try to convince everyone that I am wonderful even though the last lot of people thought I was crap. Self esteem needs SOME foundation to build its tower on.

Thank you UnRavelling....the self pity didn't last long because I just can't afford to indulge it. I have a letter confirming that my contract is ending early and the work I did do, I did well....need to just accept that at face value and not forever read into things what may not be there.

Indeed one thing will need to another and I wasn't 100% happy in the role, but stuck with it because it was a great learning experience. I have an agency interview in a couple of days so hopefully that will lead to something.

I had my first well being appointment this week, they seem to think I should go for a group session which tackles anxiety. I want so somehow be rid of the fear and inferiority feeling, and feel better about myself. There is too much going on in my life, I just can't afford to feel this way.

I feel that many people in my shoes would do at least as well as I have done so I think most people would cope as I have coped, I don't feel particularly special for that. However it is absurd that I should feel inferior to anyone, that I should be afraid to look anyone in the eye (as I do, frequently). Please help me talk myself out of feeling like this somehow!

Thank you.....I will try to take whatever help I can, I am sure I will muddle through somehow. I have an interview for a new job lined up next week so fingers crossed.

I am feeling guilty now because I am not so motivated at work now and not performing to quite the same level as previously. Crazy eh? The guilt and inferiority feelings are just off the scale absurd....they are a big lumbering albatross that suck up all the energies that should be devoted to other things now.

How can I possibly be so motivated when the job is coming to an end & there is no point trying to impress anyone any more? It is hardly my fault that I have to focus now on the next thing, although will try to earn my money in the meantime.

Thanks mumto2babyboys, am checking out that website. I already have some respite lined up over the weekend.

I am just so so tired. It is hard to explain how stress makes me literally nauseous at times; I was in a supermarket today and then it hit me how much I have on my plate & I really thought I was going to throw up.

I feel so much stressed & in real life there is nobody on our side. I think the country is being governed in a disastrous way; I see it in the way the vulnerable are being treated. We are being taken to the very edge - and my little family are not the very worst off. Anyone who has a conscience and a heart should be appalled at what is happening at the moment.

I feel that our government is utterly letting us down. My DS depends on medication to maintain his health; if he doesn't have it he could have seizures which could cause him further brain damage. Yet this Government risk a no deal Brexit, risk us being pushed off a cliff? They are just playing with us. If harm is done to my DS because of this I will never forgive them.

Thanks both. We are looking at long term solutions mumto2babyboys, and ultimately is likely to involve residential care.....because this will be in HIS interest, we won't be able to look after him forever so he will need to get used to being cared for by others. And of course we will continue to spend loads of time with him, take him on holidays etc.

The plan was to have him in a residential college; we had planned this, selected the college and had been offered a place but unfortunately the local authority was not willing to fund this. We are hoping this is resolved in time for the next academic year.

I am sorry that you have had a tough time too UnRavellingFast. I know that I am not the only one with troubles to handle. All anyone can do is just carry on as well as they can, and wait and hope for better times.

Thank you HollowTalk...it is difficult in many ways but I am doing what has to be done, I just keep on keeping on. I may moan here about things being hard, and in many ways it is. And yes we should be getting far more help than we do but we are not alone, we are much luckier than most. There are so many people suffering hardship at the moment who are worse off, 1 in 200 people homeless is the latest statistic....is that not mind boggling?

www.theguardian.com/society/2018/nov/22/at-least-320000-homeless-people-in-britain-says-shelter

A shameful statistic if ever I saw one, for a wealthy country like this which prides itself on being civilised.

I would hate though for anyone to read this thread and feel despair. There is so much that is good in my life too that transcends the difficulties. My dear adorable DS for one. But very straightforward practical things could be done to make my little family's life easier. It is a shame that it is not happening, for us or many other vulnerable people.

It's not a stupid question at all, however for the time beingI have to work full time Hollow... both for financial reasons & also because there are very few PT jobs to be had in my line of work. If anyone is going PT it will be my DH because his health is not good, I would love to get something better paid so that he could have a little space.

Dear All, I thought I would 'resurrect' this thread and give an update.....hope that is OK.

Well I got another job and it is all going well so that is all good. It is a supportive working environment which I do need.

However my DH health has taken a downward turn. He needs a very risky op in a couple of weeks time (they are fast tracking him). I will need to be at home with him while he is recovering as it won't be safe for him to be on his own.

I know he is stressed about it, he was talking really morbidly the other evening about how where his life insurance docs are, where he wants to be buried etc if 'something should happen'. He is stoic like me but I know he is scared and so am I. I don't realistically think the worst will happen....all being well he will come through it and his quality of life should also improve.....but part of me is just petrified about how I would be supposed to cope without DH. He is a superlative father to DS and does if anything, more than his fair share.

Just wondering how I will cope with supporting DH recovery and caring for DS is scary enough.

I had a bit of a setback at work.....a colleague (whom, ironically enough, I have bent over backwards to help) wrote me a really rude email and copied in various members of senior management because he took exception to something I had done, I did not demonstrate enough sympathy for his personal circumstances it seems.

It backfired on him actually....my manager was really supportive of me particularly as he is aware of my situation right now. But I am surprised how sensitive I feel about it at the moment. Normally I would just brush this kind of thing but I think I am struggling more than I even know.

BTW I have been on Citalopram which seems to be helping. I call it the 'anti-fear elixir'....does that rhyme? I can't believe I am still standing, dealing with this and even joking. But it seems to help give me the psychological space to contemplate my own terror from a safe distance.

I have got into trouble with a friend of mine this morning because I told her we burned an election campaign leaflet addressed to my DS recently. It was from a political party which we don't personally agree with and we feel is accountable for a lot of the hardship suffered by disabled people like DS (will leave you to surmise which party this is).

In our disgust DH and I ceremonially burned it. We didn't show it to DS as it wouldn't have meant anything to him (he has a mental age of about 4).

Dfriend said that we had no right to destroy DS mail, that he is an adult and has a right to receive all his post and that we have in fact broken the law by intercepting his post.

I am a little taken aback by all this. To me, there is no point in passing on mail that he doesn't want, need or understand (personal mail is another matter of course - he always receives that).

We are talking about a vulnerable adult here - what do we do if really inappropriate mail items arrive for him that would upset him? Do we just pass them on regardless because it's 'his right'?

Could anyone advise me on this?

Thank you so much UnRavelling, I hope all is also OK with you.

That's really reassuring you think that as I was worried that I wasn't doing the right thing by DS...wasn't treating him with the respect due to him as an adult. It is really hard to know we are getting the balance right as he needs support from us with all his life issues, I can forget he is an adult.