To tell this friend to jog on
Oopupsideyourhead · 15/10/2018 15:20
Friend of 25 years- we have stayed in touch and see each other a couple of times a year but I realised recently that its always me going to her. She has been saying for the last 4 years that she will come and visit me and have even made plans but something always happens and she never comes.
I noticed that she has recently met up with another friend and travelled quite a long way to see her. Its pissed me off but also made me think that I have been a bit foolish. That I have made the effort for years when clearly its not a 2 way street.
I feel like the blinds have gone up and I have seen it all in a very different way- its hurt me a lot but aibu to tell her to jog on! I dont want to be in one sided friendships- I have lots of other friends that do make an effort.
Aibu? I feel a bit stupid that I didnt see it sooner.
Picklypickles · 15/10/2018 15:35
I've been in a similar situation recently. Been friends with someone for over 30 years but over the last few years we have made plans from time to time and she cancelled at the last minute every single time apart from one occasion when it was something she really wanted to do. Yet through the magic of facebook I have seen she has plenty of time for other friends. She has never been to my house, I've always had to go to her etc.
I haven't told her to jog on or anything like that but I no longer bother making any effort to try to make conversation or arrange get-togethers etc. She knows how to contact me if she wants to, but I expect she probably wont unless she wants something!
Oopupsideyourhead · 15/10/2018 15:38
@pickly- I think this is probably what I should do aswell as don’t want to cause a full scale argument. I kind of don’t want to ghost her either but feel quite upset about it all. It was also through the magic of facebook that I found out about this too.
Aprilislonggone · 15/10/2018 15:44
I binned a friend who ruined my hen night and allowed me to see her in a new light.(driving /lack of related) Our friendship dwindled and I confess I ghosted her.
kingofthemountains · 15/10/2018 15:51
I have a friend, she has a couple of little kids and has had a tough couple of years. I kept trying to fix a time to go and see her and kids for the day, I'd drive to her (approx 2 hours each way) and she never got back to me.
I just thought oh well, she's got a lot on.
But then she went and stayed with another friend overnight! It just showed to me that she didn't value our friendship as much as I did and as such I've completely backed off. It hurts a bit but is better for my sanity. She won't ever get in touch with me but will reply if I get in touch with her...so one sided...!
I'm trying to get to grips with the fact that sometimes friendships drift apart and aren't always forever ￼
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