supporting adult DD ( long term Mental health)

[atmywitsendrightnow]

I don't really know where to start

My 29 yo DD has clinical depression and anxiety. She is vulnerable and unwell and lives alone, She is far from street wise IYSWIM and is generally a lovely generous person - those are the facts

She takes a lot of assistance. If we didnt assist her to appointments for example, they wouldn't happen, and then she would get dropped from the long awaited help. Me and her Dad funded private treatment for as long as finances would allow, however money dried up and she is now with the NHS treatment programme

This has been going on for over ten years.

It is not the physical support which I struggle with..it is that can be quite rude to me in general at times, (which is not her personality at all) and cut of contact for days on end (which is when she is at her lowest) - which given her history, is worrying. ..and I myself and left in absolute turmoil wandering and worrying if she is OK. I know depression makes people focus on themselves, but this constant turmoil has got me on anxiety tablets and her dad on blood pressure tablets - none of that she knows BTW, but its an indicator of how her illness effects us

We have been down the road of me or her Dad, just turning up at her house, during these periods and it seems to trigger her further and I will get accused of making things worse - but it is done with best intentions, ensuring she is OK. These kind of- as she would call them - 'enforced' interactions never end well - and the last thing I want to do is make things worse if that is what i am untentionally doing

Thing is, all the mental health stuff you read, is when someone cuts people off, that is when they need help the most, but in the case of my daughter she literally gets furious if she is disturbed at this time

I work 60 plus hours a week and suffer from anxiety myself. Feel like I have no life other than working and worrying myself fucking stupid. We have got into debt by bailing DD out of various financial scrapes which seems to be common with mental health issues

I just feel like nothing I ever do makes the slightest difference and I spend half my lfe running ragged and when I see nasty posts aimed at me on social media, it is the last straw

I dont know what i want here, is anyone else in a similar situation?

BTW we are not planning to walk away from her or her situation, but what can we do to make things any easier other than this constant turmoil?

Any ideas welcome please x

I have a DD just slightly younger than yours, with MH issues. I agree totally with the pp's that say you need to take a step back. What also strikes me is that I feel you need to be a little bit less "nice"! You sound like a lovely woman doing everything you can for your DD but it's ok to tell her that she cannot be rude or insulting to you. My DD has her moods but she would never take it out on me. You are not your DDs emotional punchbag. I honestly think you should take a bit of a harder line over things like that because it is impacting your own mental health. If you have a breakdown who is going to help you? My DD knows that if she wants to talk I'm there. I do accompany her to certain appointments, or help her with forms. But that is the extent of my involvement. It is hard to let go, but they need to learn to be adults who (mostly) manage their own lives. I think your relationship could potentially improve long term if you put yourself first a bit more often.