To be irritated by wanky and pretentious restaurant terminology?

[ManicUnicorn]

I should start by saying I love food and eating out, it's one of life's great pleasures IMO. But I'm finding myself increasingly irritated by restaurants using pretentious and fancy names for stuff and trying to dress things up as more exotic than they actually are.

A new restaurant has just opened here and I was looking at their Christmas menu earlier, and amongst lots of the wankery on there one of the deserts really stood out 'Rich orchard apples in crumble with creme anglais'... so that'll be apple crumble and custard then? Why not just say what it is? A hearty and much loved traditional British pudding that's been enjoyed for years, you don't need to dress it up as anything else! Oh and there's so much 'jus' on there as well, it's just fucking gravy for Christ's sake!

It reminds me of when I went out for a Christmas meal a few years ago. Set menu, and were all wondering what the hell one the starters was. Someone googled it and guess what? It was just a fancy name for soup.

I don't know if I'm just a bit common but I think there's something so pretentious about this kind of thing. Food is food at the end of the day.

It's a transparent marketing technique but I can't get worked up over it tbh.

I loathe the term "paired" it's WITH it's served with it!!! Aaaarrrgghhh!!!

Ha - seems like a good time to remind people of..

www.wewantplates.com

I hate any restaurant that explains “ their concept “ to me...usually means “ this is how we justify not giving you a full plate of food”

Posted this before but I was once asked in all seriousness if I’d “ like to be introduced to the specials”.

A deconstructed crumble is just lazy. I don't want my crumble half way across the plate from the sliver of apple.

And dishes with smoke and the theatrics. Its wanky.

In "Notes From A Small Island", there's a fantastic section where Bill Bryson takes the piss out of pretentious menuspeak.

It includes a wonderful description of a glass of water.

We have a policy of not eating anywhere where the menu includes the word "artisan". I think if you check a dictionary, one definition might be "overpriced shite".

MIL refuses to eat anything served in a bowl. She send it back and asks for a plate. If she knew the word “wanky” that’s what she’d call it when her food came on anything other than a plate.

In my experience, the posher the words on the menu, the less food you get. I like to eat out and be full. It’s getting rare for that to happen though - portions are getting smaller everywhere!

MIL refuses to eat anything served in a bowl

Even soup?

It doesn't irritate me, it cracks me up.
A few of us were at one of the wanky establishments a few weeks ago, with the orchard apples, and some other equally wanky stuff.
We were reading this crap laughing.
Pan seared 16-day steak served with pomme puree and Francais salad, a dessert of Quenelle, Some wanky lamb name with gremolata, some foraged vegetables but in some wanky words, tomato with an essence of basil veloute. And no, it wasn't a French restaurant either.

Any time I have to google an item on the menu I just think it’s going to be shit (and small)I also hate the pretentious people in the pretentious restaurants cooing over the taste explosion in their mouths whilst making sex noises. It’s fucking food (literally it sounds like), but I suspect they’re just trying to justify paying the price of most people’s weekly shop for a bit of raw mince on a cream cracker with an uncooked egg yolk sat in a spoon sat on a bed of rocket.

MIL refuses to eat anything served in a bowl

Soup. Cereal.

I get what you are saying but they are trying to justify the price tag. Btw creme Anglais is thinner than traditional custard, just like jus and gravy.

I'm a sucker for a fancy tasting menu - yum!

Deconstructed? DECONSTRUCTED? If you're charging me 40 quid for it I expect you to take the time to bloody well construct it you lazy sods.

@Paintingtheroseswhite, yes that really gets my goat. If I'm paying about £15 for a main course of meat or fish then it should come with veg and potatoes/chips.
Bloody ridiculous having to order them separately. Who eats a piece of meat on its own?

My bugbear is writing w' or w/ instead of "with".
A restaurant local to us has on the menu "Chorizo, tomato and pea risotto topped w' parmesan cheese, olive oil and torn basil leaves".
Oh thats so snappy now you've taken out 3 letters!

Yes totally agree.
Pan fried?
Handpicked?
Hand cooked?

My own post reminds me of a humourous specials menu board item in a pub I was in not long ago:

"Deconstructed shepherds pie (aye, it's mince and tatties)"

Chopping boards instead of plates!!!! Sauce and juice rolling off everywhere, stupid wankery.

I don't mind it if it's correct.
Jus, veloute, pea puree, fine, but not if it turns out to be bisto, Heinz tinned tomato and mushy peas.

I actually avoid places using terms such as ‘artisan’ as I know I’ll be given small portions on slates and three chips in a tin for a ridic price. I’m not a mug.

Pan fried or deep fried, froglet?

Jus and gravy are not the same. Gravy is thickened with flour.

Likewise Crème Anglaise has no thickener other than egg (unless it’s crème patissière), whereas English custard may be thickened with flour or cornflour. There’s a lot of English custard that is not crème anglaise.

Oh I am so with the "pan fried" brigade!

I suppose it is to distinguish between deep fried or something like that.

I doubt I would notice after a few pre dinner drinks TBH. Would you?

Hahaha, I don't mind too much. After all if it's a posh restaurant you expect a bit of pretentious wankiness, that's the whole point! I did find it funny booking a 5 star hotel restaurant meal for my mum's birthday though. One of the starters was tomato soup - not 'Organic freerange sun-ripened outdoor-reared lovingly hand-prepared by Michelin starred pretentious wanky chef' tomato soup (which might have justified the £8 pricetag, but, um Heinz!!

At least they were honest I suppose!

I hate getting a pudding the size of a Rollo served on a plate the size of a dustbin lid, with half a bag of icing sugar and a line of red dribble on it.