Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was I fat-shamed and am i being too sensitive?

41 replies

LonelyBones · 11/10/2018 23:21

Currently bf 6 month old, squashed myself into a swimming suit for the first time in years. Things obviously not quite back to where they were yet. (Doesn't help that my toddler keeps grabbing my belly, bum, bingo wings and shouting WIBBLE WOBBLE WIBBLE WOBBLE! ) Mentioned something to DH about being back in a cossie and he just gave a flippant grunt.

Made a healthy dinner this evening. Went back for seconds as i was starving and got fat-shamed by DH. I said, ill just have another little bit. He said, thats not little! And laughed!

So i tidied the dinner table and threw the leftovers away. Now im hungry and ive just eaten a sandwich in secret, while hes just gone to bed. Was i fat-shamed? Am i being too sensitive? 😭

OP posts:
WasabiSpring · 11/10/2018 23:24

Was he referring to you or the portion of seconds when he said 'that's not little'?

OneEpisode · 11/10/2018 23:25

Did he just say “that’s not little”? Did he want some too?

Returnofthesmileybar · 11/10/2018 23:26

I would say no you weren't and yes you are, I mean that nicely. You were fat shamed by your toddler though, wibble wobble made me laugh, kids eh! You've only just had a baby, be kinder to yourself Wink

bridgetreilly · 11/10/2018 23:26

That doesn't sound like fat shaming, though it might be food policing. But most likely it's neither.

itswinetime · 11/10/2018 23:26

If he meant that's not a little portion then no you weren't you dh was making a silly comment without thinking!

If you genuinely think he was in some way referring to you then he is a nasty piece of work!

lackingimagination · 11/10/2018 23:27

I think you are being over sensitive but nobody will blame you for that. Enjoy your food, go have some dessert and forget about it 🙂

Original poster
LonelyBones · 11/10/2018 23:27

He was referring to the size of the second helpings. I just feel so sad and pathetic that ive had to eat a sandwich in secret because im hungry and got comments about my second helpings.

OP posts:
60sname · 11/10/2018 23:30

I guess he was commenting on the size of the portion rather than the fact that you had seconds.

But if you're hungry, you're hungry. I am also bf at the moment and am always ravenous!

itswinetime · 11/10/2018 23:33

I think it's been an emotional day and you have probably over reacted to what was meant to be an innocent slightly funny comment!

Unless he has a history or trying to police/control what you eat?

BreconBeBuggered · 11/10/2018 23:33

You're breastfeeding and your DH wants to police your food intake? Do you think he really meant that or are you just being hard on yourself about the toddler's comment and reading too much into things?

OneEpisode · 11/10/2018 23:34

You don’t deserve comments. You told us that there was one comment though. And not about you, about a serving.
Well done for doing baby and toddler swimming. I’d need a day off after that. Can you ask for a (relative) lie in tomorrow?

Aquamarine1029 · 11/10/2018 23:34

Is it possible that you're eating far too much and your partner pointed it out in a really daft way? Do you think he might be concerned about your weight but might not know how to address it?

ShastaBeast · 11/10/2018 23:37

It doesn’t sound like he was being offensive about your weight unless there’s more to it. I remember wearing shorts with my swim suit post baby, to hide myself. If it helps I’m a healthy weight, recently lost weight again, and my six year old constantly goes on about my chubby arms/legs/large bum and wobbly tum.

The hunger is hard but breastfeeding can be a good time to lose weight in my experience. Higher protein helps too, or try lower carbs - once you pass the first few days you are less hungry and the cravings subside.

MrsStrowman · 11/10/2018 23:38

This isn't fat shaming, maybe it wasn't a little bit extra. SIL complains about her weight a lot when she's not pregnant, but eats takeaway three or four times a week, and has huge helpings, snacks on junk and rarely eatd fruit or veg. I've seen her complain about her weight while eating her second cream cake in a row. Be happy as you are that's fine, I know some beautiful curvy women who embrace their figures, or choose to lose the weight, neither matters, but don't complain then have seconds and secret sandwiches. If you want to lose weight you need to look at your calorie intake Vs calorie outout, put in less than you use, you'll lose weight. This might sound harsh but I'm coming from a place of experience. I spent my post uni twenties over weight by a fair amount, complaining making token efforts and getting nowhere. Then I completely changed my diet, was really honest with myself about how much I was eating, weighed portions initially until I could do it by eye, hit the gym even when I really didn't want to, lost the best part of five stone in eighteen months and kept it off until I fell pregnant this year at 34. Once baby is out, I'm back to the regime. No one is saying you have to do any of that but if you feel that sensitive about your weight the change will make you feel better.

60sname · 11/10/2018 23:41

My toddler sometimes calls me big fat Mummy as a hangover from pregnancy... It's a good thing he's cute Grin

FlowThroughIt · 11/10/2018 23:42

That sounds like teasing because the second helping was probably objectively more than "little bit". I'm not sure what the part about the bathing suit had anything to do with the rest of it tbh.

Charliecatpaws · 11/10/2018 23:53

FFS you’re bf and 6 months after having a baby, us normal people don’t ‘ping’ back into our size 10 jeans a week after giving birth and you need extra calories to feed your lo so laugh at your DH and tell him to fuck off

MrsGollach · 11/10/2018 23:57

OP, are you being serious? Is this what we've got to?

Elephant14 · 12/10/2018 00:01

You'll now get a lot of excited diet tips, hints on how to be a good wife, and people like MrsStrowman asking you to be honest with yourself and agree that you are indeed fat and oversensitive, because really you need to be told you are fat. A lot. And thank people for telling you as you have no mirrors in your house and are unable to make a reasonable judgement.

Anyway, I think your husband sounds like an arse. Encourage your toddler to grab him and shout insults. Or better still do it yourself, see how he likes it.

DocusDiplo · 12/10/2018 00:02

I would be upset by that.
I bet he knew you would be upset by it.
Enjoy swimming, enjoy your healthy meals and tell your DP to pipe down! Dress up, feel good, enjoy your baby and forget about "fat".

TheGirlWhoLived · 12/10/2018 00:04

Nope op, he surely meant it light heartedly - I’m sorry you are a bit fat but you need to be less sensitive or start losing weight.

I say this as someone who has recently been in tears as my youngest dd said “I think you are probably the fattest person on the playground mummy”

Oh and I’m a size 14ish Hmm go figure!

Elephant14 · 12/10/2018 00:09

I’m sorry you are a bit fat but you need to be less sensitive or start losing weight.

OP I think you will find that will be the attitude of a significant number of posters. Instead of identifying that your husband was rude, you've invited criticism - "am I being too sensitive?" - what every woman criticised about her appearance believes or is accused of - if a man thinks you are not quite right, it must be your own personal failing. And there are many women who will be only too pleased to confirm it for you.

Sagelistener · 12/10/2018 00:11

I think you are likely being over sensitive as according to your post, he was commenting on the size of portion after you had said you'll have a lil bit and he figured it was more than a little bit.

No shame in eating two portion of dinner (or a sandwich), when breastfeeding - and I find I'm always hungrier after swimming.

Bigpizzalover · 12/10/2018 00:11

Only you know what your DH is normally like, if my DP said for example I’ll just have a little bit more and added another chicken breast and 5 new potatoes for example I might say that’s not a little bit with a laugh - no malice intended. And it would be a genuine chuckle and not a snort of sarcasm if that makes sense.

kateandme · 12/10/2018 00:13

is it a mixture of how ur feeling about ur self.thinking this is why you mentioned the cosy and what ur son calls you it is obviously effecting how ur feeling about urself right now.
so with the comment on it own might have been something couple say to eachother.it should be ok banter.my parents and sister and friend say it to eacohter all the time and if there is nothing behind it its just people being mates and banter.but with how ur feeling and perhaps how you took It to mean from your dh it took you over the edge.
and that ok to feel like that.maybe he should be a bit more sensitive.does he know how your feeling about ur size?i doubt it.they often don't.
you want more and that's ok.your fat that's ok too.maybe it needs to change maybe you need or want to get a bit healthier.but that's all ok.however you look right now is how you look.youve not long had bub.your bf.let urself hve time.be kinder to yourself and start to appreciate and love the woman you are.you have ur whole life to make the rest of it fall into place.enjoy the swimming not the costume fit.enjoy you baby not the comments he makes.banter back to ur hub or tell him to fuck off.be the best of you for right now.the rest will come.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.