Was I fat-shamed and am i being too sensitive?

[LonelyBones]

Currently bf 6 month old, squashed myself into a swimming suit for the first time in years. Things obviously not quite back to where they were yet. (Doesn't help that my toddler keeps grabbing my belly, bum, bingo wings and shouting WIBBLE WOBBLE WIBBLE WOBBLE! ) Mentioned something to DH about being back in a cossie and he just gave a flippant grunt.

Made a healthy dinner this evening. Went back for seconds as i was starving and got fat-shamed by DH. I said, ill just have another little bit. He said, thats not little! And laughed!

So i tidied the dinner table and threw the leftovers away. Now im hungry and ive just eaten a sandwich in secret, while hes just gone to bed. Was i fat-shamed? Am i being too sensitive? 😭

It sounds like you are hangry

@Fatasfook - very hangry

Op fat shaming would be if he made comments or insults about your body size ,

All he did was make an observation ...you got a portion of food , you called it little, and he said it's not little...op if you tell us what the food was and the actual amount you plated out we can tell you if he was fat shaming you or making a truthfully observation

Yes he sounds like he was being an arse. Don't give him chance to be an arse again. From now on lose weight or don't for yourself, eat or don't for yourself and he can go fuck himself.

@elephant14 if you were alluding to my thoughts on the matter then you are absolutley wrong... I believe that every woman is entitled to be and believe exactly what they want to believe- to eat exactly what they want to eat and enjoy every mouthful- but if the OP is allowing herself to feel shamed by (what I would see as) a throwaway comment, then I can only assume that her self worth is so low as to assume that every comment about portion size/ food choice/ lifestyle is derogatory about herself? It maybe that her DH is an ignorant prick who has been making snide and derogatory comments for a long time, however I read the OP as ‘an innocent comment was made regarding food, but as I am sensitive about my weight then I attributed a lot of negative connotations to it that might not have been meant’

In which case then yes, the OP DOES need to either lose a bit of weight and gain self worth, or not lose weight and retain a confidence and a bit of a ‘fuck you’ attitude, whenever food choice/weight/calorie intake is mentioned (in passing- I am not condemning fat-shaming or outright emotional abuse or bullying. In my opinion, based on the facts I can see, I do think OP is being over-sensitive, and needs to decide what she wants to do going forward

Shut up such. Ffs, you are breastfeeding and need fuel, maybe a bit sensitive, not surprising. Think oh just a bit crass.
Can you explain to your toddler that it's a bit rude to comment like that?
Look after yourself and eat what you need, it's not chocolate ice cream 24/7 is it. Don't hide, be bold!

That's not fat shaming.

I don't think you need to take it to heart if it was an isolated comment. Children love squidging their mummies tummies (well mine did) - I was self conscious but looking back I think it was more them being affectionate. Don't feel like you need to make excuses for taking some more food, as that's what prompted the comment. It is hard dieting with a baby so just take it day by day and don't mention anything to your dp and you can eat cake or have a diet day with no explanations.

That doesn't seem like fat shaming. Don't be ashamed to have extra good though, it is recommended to consume extra calories when breastfeeding. Plus it can make you really bloody hungry

You were not fat shamed
You are perhaps internalising shame about being fat and projecting that onto anyone nearby
Either accept that you have some more fat on you that you or others might appreciate, learn to love being fat or diet

YABU. You weren’t fat shamed and are being massively oversensitive.

LonelyBones you don't need to excuse yourself to him for what you are eating. Eat what you want to eat, in the portions you want, don't tell him or ask him.

"He was referring to the size of the second helpings. I just feel so sad and pathetic that ive had to eat a sandwich in secret because im hungry and got comments about my second helpings."

It's OK, you are hungry, you need to gauage your meals better so they fill you up better. Soup is a god filler and a nice healthy veggie soup would probably be better than a sandwich. You could make some and blitz it up or just buy some in tins and keep it ready.

You need to be responsible for your own food intake, make enough for you and him and share it eating what you need and giving him enough etc, if it is your turn to cook.

He's upset you but he probably didn't mean to. I'd be tempted to say something and just make sure he knows that I found comments on food intake a bit sensitive BUT in fairness if the 'little bit' you took was a big bit then he was just being honest.

However if the portion you took was small then he needs to know his judgmental comment was really unhelpful.

I'm overweight, I want to be healthy but I sabotage myself! I'm on a journey to making myself healthier but really it is my journey, no one else is responsible with their words or actions, I need to work it out myself.

Good luck.

good filler...

I’m wonder if the comment was more because you said you would have a ‘little bit’ then helped yourself to a big bit. It was more a comment about what you said rather than how much you were eating.

If you had just said ‘I’m having some more’ do you think he would have commented.

I find a lot of women say similar things when eating food and it’s a bit silly. I do it myself 😂.

‘Ohhh I just fancy a little something sweet’

Don't start eating in secret! Have some guts about you!

My friend does this and it's part and parcel of why she's overweight. Her twat of a DH says things like that to her. It's not helpful but she lets it get to her.

Bad habits such as not eating the right/enough of good food is part of why my mate's overweight. She starves herself all day and then scarfs chocolate in the car driving home or stops and eats a fast food meal.

Then goes home and has two dinners.

If she'd just eat bloody breakfast and lunch, she'd be fine!

Not fat shaming.