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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To want to complain about Wheels on the Bus?

250 replies

Downwiththatsortofthing252 · 11/10/2018 18:59

I really don't want to be that parent but...

My DS who is 2 and a half is singing the wheels on the bus with the lyrics 'the mummies on the bus go chatter chatter chatter... etc' and then after that 'the daddies on the bus go stop that noise... etc'

He's picked it up from nursery, who I didn't think would teach these lyrics, they're normally really good and on the ball with things. I hate the stereotype the lyrics are projecting that mummies are silly and daddies are impatient.

I know there's another version with the mummies saying I love you, WIBU to ask nursery to change what they teach?

OP posts:
moomin11 · 13/10/2018 11:09

YANBU. Everyday sexism and yeah it should be challenged!

librarylover53 · 13/10/2018 11:16

I agree OP, that's always mildly annoyed me too, but not to the extent I'd ask a nursery to change it tbh Grin

As he gets older you'll find plenty of opportunity to change everyday casual sexism, don't worry!

headinhands · 13/10/2018 11:19

I used to work in Early Years and I deliberately switched it so the Mums were reading and the Dads talking.

Seafoodeatit · 13/10/2018 11:41

I have to say I find the causally throwing people down the stairs in goosey goosey gander more disturbing! I'm not sure I'd say anything to the nursery unless most of their songs are like this, you can just teach your child a version you prefer at home?

pontiouspilates · 13/10/2018 11:46

I'm with you OP, I have always objected to those lyrics and am astonished that others think that this sexist stereotyping is fine!

MiddlingMum · 13/10/2018 11:56

In my version the wipers go swish swish swish, the horn goes beep beep beep and the engine goes brumm brumm brumm. No need for people at all - in fact it could be a driverless bus.

Saves all the angst Smile

maggienolia · 13/10/2018 12:15

Based on personal care experience :

The Grannies on the bus go fart fart fart..
The children on the bus shout "Mum, that lady trumped"
The mummies on the bus go red, red, red.

Downwiththatsortofthing252 · 13/10/2018 12:32

Love that phrase 'professionally unoffended' @BertrandRussell, I think it describes a lot of posters who are getting annoyed at me! 😁 They're getting a lot more het up than the posters who are saying we shouldn't just accept the lyrics as they are.

I know it's a first world problem, of course it is, but as @Sinkgirl said watch the secret lives of 4/5 year olds, the stereotypes of what mummies/daddies do are already entrenched at that point. (BTW did you see the one where the little girl wouldn't draw her mummy with arms because she didn't deserve them after being on her phone all the time? 😮 )

I like @Cleanermaidcooks version where the kids make up their own lyrics, it's a lot more imaginative.

OP posts:
Downwiththatsortofthing252 · 13/10/2018 12:34

@maggienolia Grin I'm dreading that happening with my little ones when they get older!

OP posts:
Fadingmemory · 13/10/2018 12:35

I used to sing, 'The mothers on the bus talk Moral Philosophy, the fathers on the bus fall fast asleep.' It's all about being adaptable...

pinocchio2 · 13/10/2018 12:38

You are absolutely right, OP. The lyrics are incredibly offensive and teach a young child a horrible, distorted view of women and men and relationships. How can anyone say it's a pointless thread - addressing the issue of preaching horrid stereotypes to toddlers, teaching a child that women chitter chatter, men are aggressive, and men tell women to shut up and that's okay and that's how it is. That's how girls grow up subservient to males, and that's why females have less power, earn less than men, and are much more often than men confined to homes, hard work, little pay and poor relationships with relatively little respect and often mistreatment even partners. It is why it's mostly women who do the hardest, most mundane jobs at home and outside home. It's why females of reproductive age are often passed up for jobs or careers in favour of males. It is why young women and men start on the same pay scale in their 20s and it only goes downhill for most women from age about 30 and uphill for men till they almost retire (check the ONS stats), making even more of a domestic slave out of them, dependent on males or the state.
These little "harmless" , as some suggest, rhymes and other little things from childhood is where our world views come from and perceptions of gender etc. Children have no gender stereotypes or bias when they're born. People instill them in them. There's a lot wrong with accepting it.
It is incredible how so many women see nothing wrong with abuse, sexim and gender stereotypes that keep them in my place and set them back. And there's always someone who'll actually defend it. May be that's why we live in such a st, hostile to women world.
Women on your bus talk, you say - one of the commentators??? Well, on mine it's men that do. Non-stop on their phones. Endlessly. And the same at work.
Mothers talks, fathers tell them to shut up, what next - fathers hit them if they don't? And then it builds on it - abuse, sexual violence or even as simple and common as "you stay at home wiping my kids noses and bums while I'll go out and have fun pursuing qualifications, career and other opportunities".
If there's nothing wrong with it, try to find a printed version of those specific or similar lyrics in children's books or published literature. You won't. You will find lots of such versions recorded on YouTube videos made in countries that have a very different value system and perceptions of females. You will not find this version on CBeebies, for instance (although there's still lots wrong with BBC).
Where we live in the UK, certain communities and cultures where women are secondary to men are overrepresented, and the lyrics performed by practioners, whose knowledge of English or culture of this country is very limited, are similarly offensive - they're often suggested by the audiences, who see nothing wrong with it. It usually goes something like 'mummies go chatter', 'daddies go shush shush' - men shushing grown women and almost nobody in groups of people who attend sees anything wrong with it??!!!. This sick and twisted version comes from the original 'babies go wah', ' mummies go shush' - SHUSH TO BABIES, but sick and twisted individuals have put women into the place of a young baby with the male telling her to 'shush'. This discourse tells a lot about how women are viewed and treated in this society.
Traditional American/English rhyme doesn't actually have anything like that, it's: doors open/shut, wipers, bell, people go up and down, everything PC, and nice to everyone and that's it.
I have done an experiment - asking peers r young adults how the rhyme goes and none of them came up with this 's
t', one pointed out that now kids are taught 'mummies chatter', didn't use to be when she was young 20 years ago. It is with the certain change in our society that has made it a lot more backward that this has come about.
What's more, where we live, rhymes in the library, children's centres or nurseries is the only English those young children will learn and how sad that that's what they'll learn is a confirmation of horrid stereotypes within the mainstream culture.
I've known lots of women have no problem with open disrespect towards females but sad to see so many actually openly acknowledging and proving this here on Mumsnet.
By the way, husband was offended and complained too when this was performed in front of him and daughter in library. And he refused to go again. I myself have complained, left and never returned to activities in other places round here where it was done. I don't want for my child to grown up thinking "women chatter", "men tell them to shutup" and that's the norm. On one occasion the practitioner did apologise, but said 'but that's what they/she said'- meaning the women in the audience.
I was shocked to find out a middle class white middle aged acquaintance (who might be as well have been any of these defenders on here) sang it her daughter (not with the daddies shushing mummies - that's beyond anyone sane I think, but just the 'chatter bit'), and then the next thing you notice is how snappy and rude her partner is to her and who knows what happens at home and in the relationship. She certainly does act servile towards him.
"Done to death", "doesn't matter", "overreacting", "ffs". This stuff has a huge impact. It's what future generation will grow believing. Do you really want your daughters to be accepting of male behaviour like this? Or are you not concerned your son who learns this behavour will have a lot of trouble in his personal life and attitudes to women which could lead to hell knows what worse? But then if we live the way we live that's because the majority of people have agreed to it and conformed. And it's complaining and saying it's not okay what will stop us going back to the outdated, thick attitudes.

pinocchio2 · 13/10/2018 12:46

And I have certainly seen one practitioner round here (just one) sing 'babies go wah wah wah', 'daddies go cuddle cuddle cuddle'. Here's hoping. Were there more people like this, we'd not be living in the unfair misogynist female-hating world we live in.

Catmeat · 13/10/2018 13:16

Ffs. Get a grip. Have you really got that much time on your hands? I think it's hilarious!!

Upsy1981 · 13/10/2018 13:27

Are the daddies not shushing the babies though in that version though? That's how I understood it. I never thought the dads were shushing the mums.

BertrandRussell · 13/10/2018 13:28

It honestly takes less time to notice things like this and change them than it does to tell people that they have too much time on their hands if they notice them...

Heartofglass72 · 13/10/2018 13:58

BERTRANDRUSSELL....Errmmm....how you work that one out? So are we going to get all nursery rhymes with ad libs banned now? This is getting ridiculous. the only people getting offended are the types harking on about it. The children just love the actions and melodies. It's no big deal.

BertrandRussell · 13/10/2018 14:01

"So are we going to get all nursery rhymes with ad libs banned now?"

Eh?

Armchairanarchist · 13/10/2018 14:07

If this is all you have to complain about in life get down and your knees and that God! Fucking hell, surely no one is this petty.

Heartofglass72 · 13/10/2018 14:09

Armchairanarchist.. Exactly Grin

letallthechildrenboogie · 13/10/2018 14:10

@armchairanarchist
Not very revolutionary is it? Can see why you've taken to the armchair.....

MiddlingMum · 13/10/2018 15:07

pinnochio2 Whew! Have you checked your blood pressure? Not saying I don't agree with a lot you have to say but that rant comes across as a bit agitated.

Armchairanarchist · 13/10/2018 17:27

@letallthechildrenboogie serious illness or I'd still be up for the fight.

letallthechildrenboogie · 13/10/2018 18:32

@armchairanarchist
In which case Armchair wishing you well.

Booie09 · 14/10/2018 08:08

pinocchio2 Jeez.....it's a nursery rhyme

Itchytights · 14/10/2018 10:07

Apart from being frustrated at threads like this, I also find them depressing.

It's pc gone mad and it really is so precious and snowflake like.

Really op get a life.

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