Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think you keep the engagement ring if you get divorced?

54 replies

Celestia26 · 11/10/2018 18:10

A bit of an odd one, but Mumsnetters always seem to know these things!

A very good friend of mine is getting divorced.

He and his wife have been married just over a year. He has found out she has been cheating on him and now they are splitting up.

It's all very sad and he is gutted.

I am good friends with his mum too, as he and I were childhood friends, so his mum is like a 2nd mum to me and we talk alot.

She has confided in me (but not him) that she is very upset for him about the break up. But she is especially sad about the engagement ring.

It was her mother's engagement ring and meant alot to her. She gave it to my friend years ago and said it was for the girl he would marry, to be passed down the family.

She didn't like his wife very much, but when he said he was proposing to her, she felt like she couldn't go back on her word, and let him use his grandmothers ring.

She is really sad that such a sentimental piece of jewellery now belongs to someone that she doesn't like and who broke her sons heart.

I have said that she just needs to accept that the ring is gone. I think legally if a marriage takes place then the ring stays with the woman, is this right?

Is there anything she can do?

OP posts:
LittUp · 11/10/2018 18:11

I would say that because the breakup is down to her actions she should return the ring. Also, how inconsiderate must she be if she is not returning a family heirloom.

SissySpacekAteMyHamster · 11/10/2018 18:11

I would expect the bride to give it back in these circumstances. It's a family heirloom on his side.

DayManChampionOfTheSun · 11/10/2018 18:12

I dont know about legally, but I do think the right thing to do in this situation would be for the ex to give the ring back.

GreenMeerkat · 11/10/2018 18:12

Morally, she should definitely return the ring!

Legally though, I'm not sure it can be enforced as it was technically given to her as a gift.

Fannybaws52 · 11/10/2018 18:13

He can request the ring back under the division of assets.

Jonsey79 · 11/10/2018 18:13

I don't know about legally, but morally she should return it. It's not like she's going to wear it, anyway, is it? Perhaps its return could be specific in the divorce settlement.

Original poster
Celestia26 · 11/10/2018 18:13

If she refuses (which I think she will), is the law on his side?

OP posts:
lalalalyra · 11/10/2018 18:14

In that circumstance only a real CF'er would keep the ring

Bringonspring · 11/10/2018 18:14

Yes can be listed in division of assets but he may have to sacrifice cash for it

WhataLovelyPear · 11/10/2018 18:15

I would think it belongs to the stbxw as it was a gift, but I don't see why the husband can't request it back as part of the divorce negotiations ie get it valued and pay her for it. That way he acknowledges it was given to her, but his mum gets the ring back.

Santaclarita · 11/10/2018 18:16

Morally she should since its a family heirloom.

But she's a cow that cheated, so chances of her having a conscience are slim. She'll sell it on no doubt.

LaurieFairyCake · 11/10/2018 18:16

It's hers legally but he could offer to buy it at full price.

VimFuego101 · 11/10/2018 18:16

Legally I think it's hers as it's a gift but you'd have to be a CF to keep a family heirloom like that.

Fishandthechips · 11/10/2018 18:17

Normally I think the woman keeps the ring as it is given as a gift. Given the circumstances though I think she would have to be pretty heartless not to return it. Has he asked for it back? Normally I wouldnt suggest such a thing but if shes not wearing it anymore could your friend maybe take it back?
It was given as a gift for marriage which is no longer happening due to her actions so that muddies the water a bit.

Fridaydreamer · 11/10/2018 18:19

Legally I’m fairly sure it’s hers.

Morally she should give it back.

Fishandthechips · 11/10/2018 18:20

Sorry just realised they were actually married! In that case I wouldnt suggest taking it. He maybe able to get it back in the divorce settlement though.

Merryoldgoat · 11/10/2018 18:22

I agree with the majority. She should give back an heirloom. Otherwise you keep it.

zippey · 11/10/2018 18:22

Maybe the mum could buy it off her for £500 or something?

Want2bSupermum · 11/10/2018 18:23

Technically you can argue it's your asset that was given on condition of marriage. They are not going to remain married so you would like her to give you the ring back.

If she had any grace she would give it back without being asked.

Original poster
Celestia26 · 11/10/2018 18:24

An offer of money may be the answer.
Thanks!

OP posts:
Armchairanarchist · 11/10/2018 18:27

If it's an heirloom regardless of fault I think it should be returned but this should be understood from the beginning.

PinkHeart5914 · 11/10/2018 18:30

She fucked someone else so I think she’d have to have some brass front to keep the ring tbh.

Maybe the cheat could be offered money?

NorthernRunner · 11/10/2018 18:32

If she was having an affair I wouldn’t have thought she has it in her to be considerate and return a family heirloom. I too would suggest buying it off her.

JKCR2017 · 11/10/2018 18:35

If he had bought a ring then I would say no the woman can keep it.

But in this case, your friend needs to get the ring back for his mother. Even more so as the divorce was down to the woman being unfaithful! Surely a decent human being would understand this?

Hope he gets it back 😊

LittleMissCantbebothered · 11/10/2018 18:35

I can confirm that 'usually' the engagement ring is considered a gift and therefore kept by the recipient. HOWEVER if the gift is a family heirloom this rule does not apply and it must be returned. Get a solicitors letter sent ASAP to prevent it being disposed of (to a pawn shop or similar).