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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to give my 3 year old dinner at 4pm?

29 replies

Lovejoywasodd · 11/10/2018 16:10

My 3 year old returns from his day at nursery exhausted and hungry. I have checked with the staff and he eats his school lunch.
My DH does not want me to feed him until 6pm when we all eat together and said I should give him snacks in the meantime.
I have ignored this and given him dinner at 4pm. I do not want to fill him up on snacks when he wants dinner.
Who is being U? Also any solutions?
We cannot all eat together earlier due to my DH’s work.

OP posts:
FrederickCreeding · 11/10/2018 16:13

Yanbu

When they're little I think it's far better they eat at a time that means they'll eat a proper meal rather than make them wait until they've gone past it / no longer hungry due to too many snacks etc.

It's really nice to have family meals all together, but it will only be a few years until you can do that - and you've always still got weekends etc.

Aeroflotgirl · 11/10/2018 16:16

Yanbu at all, 6 hours without food is a long time for a 3 year old, you give him his dinner when he needs it, then maybe he could eat a snack at the table with you when you eat your dinner.

Gottagetmoving · 11/10/2018 16:16

When my children were three years old, they were worn out and wanting bed about 6 pm. I used to bath them at that time so they had dinner at about 4.30 pm.
They would have been too narky and tired to eat at 6.
YANBU....you know what's best for the child.

Schmoochypoos · 11/10/2018 16:17

No YANBU it’s often awful here before dinner with my DS5 and DS3 so I’ve brought it forward to 4.30pm. Perhaps he could have a snack/supper at 6 at the table so you all sit together?

QueenOfMyWorld · 11/10/2018 16:18

I feed my 4 yr old ds when he gets in from school and did the same when he was younger at Nursery.Hes ready for a big meal then but I offer him a snack when me and dh eat dinner

frogsoup · 11/10/2018 16:21

I'm with your dh - I'd give him a proper snack at 3 - peanut butter sandwich or hummus and pitta, or suchlike, then he'd be hungry again by 6 for dinner. I think family meals are really important, it's where kids learn everything from table manners to eating unfamiliar foods to the art of discussion, by example rather than instruction - so the earlier in life they are included in family meals, the better imo.

formerbabe · 11/10/2018 16:21

My DC are 8 and 10, they have always eaten their dinner straight after school. They have a small snack just before bed like toast, yoghurt, fruit, biscuits, etc.

We eat dinner once they're in bed.

Yanbu...plus you need time after dinner for bath and bedtime story, which is easier if they've eaten earlier.

dustarr73 · 11/10/2018 16:23

In this case your dc hunger trumps everything.My kids when smaller had their dinner when they came in.They where starving and dp ate when he came in.

AnotherPidgey · 11/10/2018 16:27

Mine tend to need a light tea/ substantial snack at 4-5 pm as we have a later dinner together as a family which puts them to eating fairly consistently around every 4 hours through the day (8, 12, 4-5, 7:30-8).

Their childcare settings always did a light tea and they still had enough appetite for their dinner as they constantly burn it off.

arethereanyleftatall · 11/10/2018 16:27

Yanbu. My dds are 8&10 and they eat dinner at 4.30pm. It just fits their life to have it then. Dh would never expect everyone to change what works for them to suit him.

Spilledmycoffee · 11/10/2018 16:29

I'd expect a 3 year old to be a bit resentful of being made to wait to have dinner because their dad wants everyone to eat together. Especially if thats not whats happened up until now.

Maybe 3yo can sit and have some of what you are having even though they've already eaten, unless they don't want to sit or aren't hungry.

I'm not the biggest fan of expecting young children to sit and eat the same way adults do though tbh. I'd be continuing as normal and just putting a small portion of the adult dinner on the table for 3yo, and allowing them to come and sit or go as they please. Anything else could lead to negative thoughts around food and family time.

Original poster
Lovejoywasodd · 11/10/2018 16:31

Thanks for your replies. I must admit it will be very helpful to show my DH that I am not doing something extraordinary.

Smoochie That is a lovely idea. I might try a bowl of strawberries at 6pm so we can sit together.

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 11/10/2018 16:32

At 6pm I would not want them to have a heavy dinner just before bed at that age. I would rather give them the proper dinner when they are hungry at 4pm and a snack before bed.

DragonGoby · 11/10/2018 16:47

I don't think either of you are being unreasonable - there's no right and wrong answer here, just a difference of opinion.

But I think at the weekend it's really nice for all of you to eat together for all / most meals.

Ohyesiam · 11/10/2018 16:49

Your husband is bu. And a bit silly. He can do the bath and bed bit if he wants child time. And you can go on MN!

Cornishclio · 11/10/2018 16:50

My 3 year old DGD has her dinner at 5pm. She gets tired and hungry and any later than that means putting up with tantrums etc. Expecting a 3 year old to wait until 6pm is not on unless they have a later bed time (my DGD goes to bed around 6.30ish) and have a snack on getting back from nursery at 4pm. You could give her dinner at 4pm then a snack before bed at 6pm if she needs one and goes to bed quite late.

AlwaysTryingToHelp · 11/10/2018 16:51

I was just about to say the same as smoochie, feed him at 4pm then when you eat he can have a small snack or pudding, so he is still eating with you.

WichBitchHarpyTerfThatsMe · 11/10/2018 16:52

YANBU, your DH is. My DC used to a nightmare at that age if they were hungry. What your DH wants, ideally, does not suit your child actually needs. In a few years time it will be different and you can all eat together later but right now your DC's needs are the priority.

brookshelley · 11/10/2018 16:54

YANBU. We moved 3 year olds dinner to 4:30-5 PM because we were fighting whining about hunger and she’d end up full of yogurt and not wanting a real meal. So dinner early, then she has a snack and warm milk around 6:30. Everyone’s happier.

Thismummyruns · 11/10/2018 16:54

YANBU. Whilst we try and eat as a family as much as possible, weekdays this isn't always possible.
When my DC was 3, she was in the bath at 6pm. Dinner was around 5pm back then.
In her case, if we didn't give her dinner until 6pm, there would've been hell to pay as that was the witching hour. shudder

DishranawaywiththeSpoon · 11/10/2018 16:58

I think that eating with adults is really important for children actually, it teaches them manners, conversation skills helps them try new foods and things, so its not just your DHs whim but if your DC cant wait till 6 then they will have to have dinner earlier. I like the idea ofa small portion of your dinner at the same time as you

lornathewizzard · 11/10/2018 16:59

My kids often eat at 4pm, the quicker I can get dinner for 4yo DD the less likely she is to crash out of the couch.

They normally have supper when me and DH have dinner

arethereanyleftatall · 11/10/2018 17:14

There are plenty of opportunities to talk to children, to teach them table manners, why does it have to be at a dinner table when the time isn't convenient for everyone?

Meltedicicle · 11/10/2018 17:24

Can you do weekday tea at 4 and later at weekends? That’s what we used to do when the DDs were small.

Babybearsporij · 11/10/2018 17:24

YANBU. When my DC were 3, they used to eat about 4/5pm because they were in bed about 6.30 / 7! I agree it's better to feed them a proper meal than snacks. Carry on OP.

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