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AIBU?

to ask how your partners coped with childbirth?

49 replies

Blavkbird · 11/10/2018 15:03

My DP is squeamish. He tries not to make it obvious but on the couple of times he's seen childbirth videos he's gone a bit white.

I want a water birth which would of course offer a bit more privacy but I'm not banking on it with the complications I've had/possible need for induction.

AIBU to be worried about DPs reaction to the whole thing? I don't know if I am worrying unnecessarily but I'm scared he's not going to cope well, and won't be able to support me throughout.

Is this a ridiculous worry?

OP posts:
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BackWhenIWas4 · 11/10/2018 15:10

It's not ridiculous at all. I have 2 kids to different partners and neither were much use during childbirth. I was too focused on what I was doing to worry about them but I am glad I had my mum there too for support.

Do you want him present at the birth? Does he want to be there? Are there others (mother, sister, friend) who could support you during labour.

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nowifi · 11/10/2018 15:11

My OH fell asleep, I have photographic evidence too Grin

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Seniorschoolmum · 11/10/2018 15:11

I don’t think it’s ridiculous but it might not be as bad as you think.

He’ll cope while you have early pains and get you to hospital where he’ll hopefully feel reassured, with people who know what they are doing. Then he can stay “up the tidy end” and not look.

The delivery teams are used to proving men in corners when they faint, so I’m sure they will be nice to him. And you.

Maybe not have a home birth though Smile

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Seniorschoolmum · 11/10/2018 15:12

Propping men in corners

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MooChops89 · 11/10/2018 15:14

I'm a midwife, so I've encountered many dads during labour! Lots of them are squeamish but mostly manage to put that aside to support their partners. One that springs to mind is a man who was severely needle phobic, his girlfriend wanted an epidural so he left the room for that bit but was otherwise brilliant! My own DH always tells me it's disgusting when I talk about childbirth (I have to listen to him drone on about insurance Wink) and was less than impressed when I showed him graphic birth videos to prepare him but he was fab when I had DD 5 months ago (although I ended up with a CS).

And to be fair, your DP doesn't need a full frontal view, most men tend to stay away from the business end of things Grin

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squadronleader87 · 11/10/2018 15:17

My DH swore he'd be staying well away from the business end (fine by me) but on the actual day he wanted to see what was happening. He's not been unduly affected by the experience!

I, on the other hand, was offered a mirror and couldn't imagine anything worse than seeing what was happening!

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E20mom · 11/10/2018 15:30

I told my OH to stay at the top half of the bed. So no he wasn't traumatised.

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lessthanBeau · 11/10/2018 15:34

My dh seemed to be doing brilliantly however while I was getting my epidural. He had a complete breakdown, he was getting upset and the next thing I knew all the nurses were fussing round him sitting Jim down and getting him a glass of water! After that though he was fine and was great for the actual delivery. Dd is 10 now and I've never let him live it down Grin

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percheron67 · 11/10/2018 15:34

Mine was fine but he was always pretty full of alcohol. Nurse wouldn't have been able to tell. My abiding memory after daughter had been born was him saying Well, that was easy wasn't it".

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Bambamber · 11/10/2018 15:36

My husband had a nap on the bed while I was in the pool. He had one quick look while I was pushing and very rapidly returned to by my head and stayed there until baby was born and the worst was over Grin

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Nellyelora · 11/10/2018 15:38

Mine is incredibly squeamish. I had to have a blood test taken after a scan and he had to turn away Grin. He was actually fine on the day although he said he felt like a spare part because once I was at the pushing stage I didn't want him anywhere near me. He was extremely adamant that he wouldn't cut the cord (my birth plan said I'd do it or midwife could - I didn't really care) but the midwife asked if he wanted to and he jumped at the chance.

I have asked him a few times about whether he looked downstairs/if I did a poo but he won't discuss it with me Grin

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MoltenLasagne · 11/10/2018 15:42

Not my OH, but my uncle fainted during my aunt's first labour, whacked his head on the side of a cabinet on the way down and ended up in A&E with a head wound and concussion. So if you're worried about fainting, maybe ask your partner to stay away from sharp corners?

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Highpeak · 11/10/2018 15:46

Mine couldn't handle the epidural, he promptly vomited and almost fainted. Nurses brought him tea and toast, I was outraged I couldn't have any

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bellsbuss · 11/10/2018 15:48

OH is amazing and said that each time he has watched me give birth he's never been prouder of me. He's even watched me being stictched Confused , has cut the cord with all 4 too, I personally wouldn't want to watch and I know I wouldn't want to cut the cord. With DD1 I told him not to watch as I didn't want it to put him off me and effect our sex life but he did and it didn't so just let him carry on with our other 3. He's not very good at back rubbing though during labour , more of a hindrance. Also he eats most of the snacks.

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Undercoverbanana · 11/10/2018 15:53

He was amazing. Supportive, helpful, loving etc.

Afterwards he was exhausted and drained both times and full of admiration for my physical and emotional strength. He slept for hours and was so apologetic. He was an amazing Dad. We were together 26 years - DCs now 22 and 19. Separated 4 years ago but he remains a great man and father.

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PhannyMcNee · 11/10/2018 15:54

DH is squeamish - he won't watch anything like Casualty or 24 hours in A&E.

He stuck firmly by my head for dc1 (ELCS), dc2 and dc4. Unfortunately circumstances meant he had to catch dc3 and cut the cord. He says he was sick in his mouth at that but did it because he had to. I knew he didn't like gore of any sort and did chuckle to myself after at the cord cutting knowing it would have been the last thing on earth he'd have chosen to do.

He did check stitches a few times post births and maintained a poker face but since has said he relates to the joke about your favourite pub burning down!

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CoolGirlsNeverGetAngry · 11/10/2018 15:56

Mine didn’t cut the cord as it made him feel a bit weird, but he did watch her come out.

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PennyMordauntsLadyBrain · 11/10/2018 15:59

He was grand- I was in no mood to talk to him and didn’t want him touching me or coming anywhere near my personal space. I’d also been very adamant before admission that he wasn’t to be on his phone, so the poor man was sat on his hands for seven hours while I ignored him.

The only time I really spoke to him was when I got the urge to push and thought I needed to poo (I didn’t, it was baby), so I shouted at him “not to fucking look”.

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MistressoftheYoniverse · 11/10/2018 17:02

I wouldn't worry too much, I think he'll be alright...maybe less of the birth vids...I'm not keen on them myself and maybe a chat about what you want him to do before hand so he has a few 'jobs' to distract him maybe?

Mr Yoniverse was really good actually...

He helped with my breathing, held my hand while squeezed I the crap out of him (he told me later he didn't know I was so strong and he just styled out the pain Grin)
He didn't say anything stupid
He loved the gas and air Grin and made me laugh
He got me a sick bowl
He was generally very sensible ...
He did look at the business end and I saw his face when both babies were born, a look of wide eyed shock mixed with impressed...
He cut the cord
He cried
and afterwards he told me how amazed he was and that he had a new found respect for me.
and he got me tea and toast afterwards Grin

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randomsabreuse · 11/10/2018 17:09

I'd've been shocked if DH hadn't coped as he's a vet and has attended hundreds of animal births. He was fascinated as humans are about the only animals that don't cone out front feet first!

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Fatasfook · 11/10/2018 17:10

Mine loved it.

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Crackedvase · 11/10/2018 17:22

My husband was very calm, chilled in a chair then watched dd being born. I'm very lone wolf in labour, he knows this. He said the adrenaline was off the chart! Top partner!

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mostdays · 11/10/2018 17:24

Dh was:
-silent, terrified and awkward when I was having ds1
-relaxed, calm and supportive when I was having ds2
-the only person in the room I didn't want to murder when having ds3 as he wasn't annoying me by telling me what to do

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bluesky45 · 11/10/2018 17:39

My partner ended up sat behind me propping me up on the bed for 4 or 5 hours! He held the gas and air nozzle and handed it to me when I needed it and helped me drink too. It wasn't exactly how I intended it to happen but it was what I needed at the time. The while thing happened in the triage room which was not supposed to happen but there were no birth rooms available before he was born, so we weren't expecting dp to stay where he was for so long. The midwives made me move at one point to let him move his leg as it was totally dead but he did well not mention it! He saw nothing squeamish I don't think!

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GummyGoddess · 11/10/2018 17:55

DH is very squeamish but was fine. He had to deliver dc2 as I didn't tell him to call the midwife in time. He swore a lot but caught dc2 and didn't drop him on the floor.

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