To not want 4 year old Ds to be in nursery 5 days

[londonfieldz]

He's just 4, so old for his year. He's previously been in nursery for 3 short days / week. We're entitled to 30 free hours and he's recently been enrolled in pre-school.

They say he HAS to attend 5 days / week.

Aibu to want him home with me for those 2 days / week in the last year before he starts school?

To clarify, he could attend just in the mornings, but that would be pretty impossible with the way I work.

YANBU my DS1 will be 4 in February so will be starting reception at the same time, he is in nursery in the preschool room 2 full days a week (20 hours). I was going to enrol him in preschool as well but I didn’t like the setting or the staff. People ask me why he isn’t at preschool but I don’t think it is necessary. “Full time” school is only 30 hours a week anyway (unless they go to wraparound care).

Do what suits you and your DS.

The problem is we can't put him in his old nursery as they don't really go up to his age. Plus the space is too small for him now. So it'd be a question of finding another private nursery I guess. It just seems so inflexible when it's not even compulsory that he has to be there

I don't see what the issue is, I was in school nursery five days a week by the January before I turned four in the may. It was normal then. You'll see him every evening and all weekend. It'll get him used to a school type routine and as you say he's one of the oldest in the year, if he was a few weeks older he would've started school this September

Surely you discussed this with the preschool before enrolling him?

If the policy they have is for 5 full days with the option of just mornings then that's their policy. I think they are being pretty reasonable to try and accommodate you but you either work with them on it or find somewhere else which will allow you to just do 3 days.

It's not unreasonable for you to want him at home with you but if that is how the preschool operate then they are not being unreasonable either.

There is an "issue" per se. It's just a personal preference. I don't have an ideological problem with children being in nursery 5 days / week, I just like having him at home with me and doing other things with him on those 2 days.

I thought similar with my daughter, school did suggest though that we can accept 30 hours and not always use the 30 hours. They sort of said it without saying it, I suppose the more people accept 30 hours the better their funding is. They don't actually mind if you don't always use it x

Yes you're right@HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone we did know this. I thought I'd be fine with it, but it turns out I'm not particularly, and nor is he I don't think.

How about calling him in sick every Friday?

I presume it's about funding?
When my DC started school there was no subsidised nursery or pre school. I still had the same problem - they wanted him in five mornings a week and I only wanted him to go twice a week because I felt that was enough for a four year old. They grumbled but I only took him in twice a week.

This is why I didnt send my son to preschool as they said he had to do 5 full days.

I assume this is a recent policy change for the preschool or else you wouldn't have enrolled him.

Will they allow you to do your way for this term? This would give you time to switch him back to his old nursery or prepare yourself and him for the change to 5 days per week.

Our preschool has a long waiting list. Why don't you just find a private place who can accommodate your needs and let someone else have the preschool place.

I have an almost 4yo and she is absolutely thriving in FT preschool.

Are you sure that having child at home 2 days per week would be as beneficial as a full time place? Who does this arrangement really benefit - you or the child?

I'm asking as I know some kids fare better with the structure of a school setting, your child may not OP.

I think their policy is fine.
It wouldn't make sense for a child attending 3 days a week to take the place of a child who attended 5.
You have lots of options - don't put him in at all, find a private nursery, find a childminder, put him in for five days.
It's unrealistic to think you should get the exact perfect circumstances that suit your own needs.

Can you compromise and send him 4 days?

We had a similar issue with my dd although the preschool was more flexible. I just didn't use all the 30 hours. She just went 4 days so i had Fridays off with her. It worked really well and now she's full time in reception, I'm glad i had that day off with her while i could.

So you knew they required 5 days a week attendance, you chose to send him there and now you think its unreasonable that he attends for 5 days?

I would move him if you are not happy but I am truly baffled that you chose to enrol him and now you are worried it's not good for him. He will go to pre-school and play, learn alongside his peers and they will be able to stretch him better than a nursery where he is a lot older than the rest of the children. It's all fun for him and if he is enjoying it I would be please, I'm not sure which part is not good for him?

Sign him up for the 5 and call/email him in sick every Thursday and Friday or whatever days you want him off? They still get their money he gets to be at home as you want

No ynbu. My child went to pre-school 2 full days a week. But it was a private one not one attached to a school. You'll have to look for another one if your school one doesn't let you do this.

I wanted those days with her. And no I don't think it affected her going to school at all

School nursery is not child care nursery - there is a difference, school is there to provide an education. If you don't want that education then you send him somewhere else which is a child care setting. At 3 all children are offered the 15 hours per week which is usually 5 mornings or 5 afternoons in a school setting. If this arrangement doesn't work for you then school nursery isn't suitable.

YANBU for wanting your child to be at home with you more, but this really isn't the nursery setting's problem. Their policy is 5 days, take it or leave it. You should probably have a think about what is better for him, as hard as it is sending little ones off for so many hours a week it's usually better for them. Trying it might be an idea, there is no obligation to keep the place if it doesn't work for your DS.

It's harder for the parents than the children. My DS is in school nursery 5 mornings, he learning lots and really enjoying it so he'll stay. We have to use a childminder to collect when I'm working and sometimes in the morning and we have a set pattern with her for both of my DC. It seems overwhelming at first, but it's usually fine once you get used to it. Plus, you'll get a feel for the school so you know whether to apply or not, the application process opens in a few weeks.

Keep him with you OP.

My son has just started school and I can’t describe how much I miss our time together. He used to go to childcare three days a week so we had two days together to spend as we wished and now that those oppertunities have gone I feel like I hardly see him - at least not for quality time anyway.

It’s half term next week and I can’t bloody wait!!!!!

Actually if your child misses so many hours they don’t get the funding. You could consider another nursery or a childminder

I'm not saying the nursery are unreasonable! Im asking if IBU for not wanting a 4 year old to attend pre school 5 days / week.

Nurseries have to prove that the children they are claiming for are attending for the hours they say they are, unless there is a good reason if a child is missing lots the nursery will not get the funding for that child - so you would lose the place. So the “phone in sick every Friday” type approach won’t work.

I would say it's morally wrong to accept a place for 5 days and only use 3.
Completely understandable that you want to spend time with your three year old though, so I'd find a solution that doesn't involve tricking the system.