To not want 4 year old Ds to be in nursery 5 days

[londonfieldz]

He's just 4, so old for his year. He's previously been in nursery for 3 short days / week. We're entitled to 30 free hours and he's recently been enrolled in pre-school.

They say he HAS to attend 5 days / week.

Aibu to want him home with me for those 2 days / week in the last year before he starts school?

Of course YANBU for wanting him home a few days a week. There are lots of different nurseries and pre schools which will suit different kids and different families. This might not be the one for you.

Find another preschool some are much more flexible than others. Ones attached to schools are rigid about five days.

Or on your non working days send him in the morning for only three hours and you can get all jobs done and have a bit of a rest. Then you will be fully charged for the afternoon

Plus is it term time only so you will have thirteen weeks with him

YANBU

I've heard of one place being particular with the blocks they offer. But most have flexibility. Their rule isnt the norm.
Do what suits you and your son best

YANBU wanting him home with you a couple of days a week. But in that case you need to find a different nursery for him.

Well how would anyone be able to answer that? If your DS was like my DS then yes YABU. If not then I don't know.

My gut feeling is yes YABU, if you're keeping him with you because it's hard to let go. Most kids wave at the door and then skip off without a second glance, it's hard. He's 4', it's better that he gets used to being away from you for short bursts of time now than have a shock in September when he won't have a choice.

arethereanyleftatall exactly!

And my four year old went five mornings a week and absolutely loved it then we hung out in the afternoon

YANBU we had the option (still have)to send both ds and dd to a school nursery (attached to the school ds is now at)but they insisted that they attend every morning, every afternoon or full time so we went with a much more flexible pre school. This means that dd can go two full days and be with me the other 3 days, it makes drop off and pick up on pre school days tricky because ds need to get to school but I really appreciate the flexibility that the pre school have offered.

Their rule isnt the norm.

I would say that offering 5 full days, of 5 days of mornings or afternoons is the norm for pre-school.

You can look elsewhere but I would imagine most would expect one of the above as standard.

So you want to know if you are unreasonable to want him home? Of course not.

Actually keeping him home would be unreasonable if you signed up to a place knowing this is their policy. Perhaps they don't get the funding they need otherwise. Perhaps there is a huge waiting list and you take up a full place and let half of it go to waste. Perhaps they are unable to find another child to fill only 2 days, but would easily find another ft child.

None of ours went to nursery or pre school because I couldn't be bothered with all the rules, policies, attendance 5 days a week.
If they won't let you do less, just phone in sick 2 days a week.
It's not your fault that the system is like it is, and you have a right to raise your child how you feel fit.

The preschool is very undersubscribed. But for those saying IBU for wanting him at home, I wouldn't be trying to dodge the system. I would move him to another place.

Obviously when we moved him there we thought it would work. Now he's been there a while, I'm not sure it is. Both from my perspective and from his.

Perhaps I should have been clearer in my aibu. My question is ultimately, would my 4 year old be underprepared for school if he only goes to nursery 3 days/ week.

would my 4 year old be underprepared for school if he only goes to nursery 3 days/ week.

Well that's an entirely different question. It is unlikely he would be underprepared but truthfully if he enjoys it then I would leave him there to do the 5 days. Is he likely to be moving up to school with these peers because in my opinion knowing these children will help him settle into Reception much easier.

What part do you think he is finding difficult, if it is just being in a setting 5 days a week then he will likely have the same struggles next year when he starts school.

If your DS likes being in nursery then let him go. You will still have plenty of time to spend with him. It’s good for him to socialise and get used to being away from you for a few hours a day.

My DC only went three days, has just started school and loves it. Although tired by the end of the week they are not underprepared at all. I honestly think it depends on the individual child so only you can answer your question

No, he wouldn't be underprepared. I think that'd be a perfect mix.

No your child will be fine.

Some parents have no choice but to send there children 5 days a week.

If you have a choice and want to it is fine to want to spend time with your child.

'You have a right to raise your child how you see fit.'
True, until someone else starts paying for said child (in this case the government/tax payer), then they get to have a say.

My question is ultimately, would my 4 year old be underprepared for school if he only goes to nursery 3 days/ week.

No, I don't think so. Lots of kids never go to nursery at all. It is much harder for them to start in my experience (separation from mum for the first time ever etc), but almost all kids settle in fine, might just take a few more weeks. But that is a major part of what reception is for; much to the annoyance of some super-pushy parents.

The nursery full timers (full day, 5 days) tend to take it more in their stride perhaps, especially if they have to go to after school club, too.

Apologies if my question wasn't clear enough. I was writing after having dropped him off and he's been crying and clinging to me. He's not always like this. Sometimes he's fine, but even when he was going to nursery he would take a while to settle. He doesn't like transitions particularly.

From my side, I get to work flexibly, I feel like I want to spend any time that I can with him before he has to go into the structure of the "system". I thought that I could do with the extra days, which is why we initially put him into preschool. However, in reality it makes little difference (without going into too much detail, I work strange hours, with a lot of work over different time zones).

You do not have to send your child to school full time until the term after they turn 5. I am only sending my 4 yr old 3 days. Do what you want to do .

My child did 2 days at nursery before school. She's settled in fine at school. She does still cling to me when I go but that's just what she's like and I knew she'd do this. I also know she's ok at school when I go. I don't regret any of my choices for her.

5 full days at a preschool is unusual. But it's probably down to the fact they are under subscribed and want to be able to claim for him being there for 30 hours, so they get the funding.

I would just accept, as far as they are concerned, that he will be going 5 days a week then call in sick for him as much as you want. You have no legal obligation to send him 5 days a week.

My DS is summer born and went to a pre-school for 5 mornings (it's over-subscribed so they only ever offered 15 hours and did am and pm slots). If I wanted to do something in particular with him or felt that he needed a break I would keep him out.

If I'm reading this right, you're entitled to 30hrs free and want your DS to go to pre-school for 3 full days instead of 5 half days, because the half days don't work with your schedule, and you want him home with you for two of the days.

I could have done with full days when my DDs were small because I had to work full days and couldn't manage the half days.

If the pre-school can't flex, and you want to keep your DS at home for two days, then maybe see if there's a child minder who could have him for the three half days? Each school (certainly where I live), usually has some child minders that service each school, so in effect they're taking children to and from that school and may have them for wrap around hours. If your town has a community page on FB you could ask a question on there.

YANBU at all - I had the same with DS. It was a nursery attached to a school and when they said their policy was five days I said I wasn't interested. Shortly afterwards I got a phonecall to say they were happy to accept DS whenever he wanted to attend. Turns out they were under subscribed and weren't turning away a 5-day child to make room for DS. I'm not sure what funding they claimed - maybe they fudged it, maybe they didn't, but I wasn't involved.
I think the problem is hidden - for all you know there are other Mums who would do a time share with you but have caved in to the nursery's demands because they can't see an alternative.

And in spite of people saying it's unethical to sign him up for 5 days and only use 3, that is what I would do given no other option. Considering how many parents happily take school age kids out in term time, I don't see it as a massive problem if you keep you DS at home when you want to. It's not list money - the other kids will benefit from the attention/facilities your DS would have had if he had been there.