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About my wonderful MIL & Mum

70 replies

kaytee87 · 11/10/2018 09:20

I have recently gone back to work 17.5 hours over 3 days. DS is 2yo and is in nursery one day, with my mum one day and MIL one day.
Both of DS's granny's have been really supportive with this change of lifestyle and I'm very grateful.
The day MIL has DS she makes us all dinner, I don't usually make it in time as DS likes his dinner early Grin so she boxes mine up to be reheated at home! She has even offered to batch cook us meals for our freezer to make life easier.
My own mum comes 10 minutes early on the day she has him to run me to the train station and help with bags etc.
Tell me about the wonderful women in your life.

OP posts:

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 11/10/2018 10:56

My MIL was amazing - she was everything a MIL should be. I was made to feel part of the family, and she was always supportive of me - on occasion she told dh off when she thought he had been thoughtless or had done something wrong.

She was great with the dses - loved their company, enjoyed spending time with them and, although she didn't live close enough to have them regularly, she did have them all to stay with her, in turn, so they each got some 1-2-1 Grandma time. She was even able to get ds1 to practise his trumpet - something I utterly failed to do - and he wouldn't have got distinction at grade 1 without her.

She was lovely to spend time with - I always looked forward to her visits and knew that we'd have a great time - and I never once felt criticised by her - indeed, we had a running joke that I would tell her I had spent ages cleaning the house before she arrived, so she wouldn't realise I was neglecting her baby, and take him back - and her reply would be that I had signed on the dotted line and he was mine now, no returns or refunds!!

Sad to say, but I actually had a better relationship with her than with my own mum. I never felt I was a priority with mum, even when I was being bullied at school, to the point of feeling suicidal - and she has always been closer to my sister who is far more the golden child than me. I get on OK with mum now, largely due to the fact that we live several hundred miles apart, and rarely see each other. She thinks it is great that she is friends with her two dds - I have not disabused her of this notion.

MIL died a few years back, of lung cancer, and I still miss her terribly.


Theweasleytwins · 11/10/2018 10:56

My mil gave my mum a big bag of apples to make me apple crumble❤️

My mum is the bestest person in the entire world❤️she is my best friend and so helpful. She always tells me that I am amazing at everything and a great mum😊which I need to hear

My mil is alright. She is staying with us for 10 days after new baby gets here- to help look after DT she didn't ask but I am very grateful. She did similar when DT were born and tidied the house


BoogleMcGroogle · 11/10/2018 10:57

This is a great thread, it's quite uplifting to hear about wonderful, supportive women in people's lives.

My mum provided childcare for two days a week for five years. She used to catch the train to mine and stay over. She was endlessly patient and loving to my children and they now adore her. She knows as many 'mum' friends in our village as I do, and she created quite a busy granny gang while she was visiting.

My son has SEN, sometimes he is really difficult and drives us to distraction. But my mum is endlessly patient and his unerring advocate, when the rest of us what to sell him on ebay. She's severely dyslexic and knows how it feels to be a bit different. He absolutely adores her.

And she's also a social worker, now just doing 'a bit of locum work', with adults with learning disabilities. She missed her 67th birthday dinner (which the rest of us still went to, because we are mean like that), because she sat in hospital with a client who was dying and who (because she'd been institutionalised) had no one else to be there for her as she died.

She'll do Wink


MiggledyHiggins · 11/10/2018 10:58

We moved to the small village DP is from, and MIL has helped us so much. From dashing down to the school when we forgot that DS needed an adult present for his vaccinations, to doing emergency pick-ups when we were stuck in traffic.

Wonderful SIL does all afterschool childcare for us for free because of our long commutes. And with that, DS gets let out an hour earlier than her kids so she does the school pick up especially for him. And will not take a penny. So she gets a voucher for her favourite luxury hotel with built in babysitting from us. The local creché will be opening later after Christmas so I can book him in for a few days to lessen her workload. She's amazing.

Other SIL has told me that she's also available for emergencies, sleepovers and any kind of help like that. And she's had a VERY difficult year with bereavement but still offers help.

All my inlaws are so kind, generous and helpful, I'm very lucky to be part of their family. Like all families we have moments where we roll our eyes or get irked by each other, but it's rare enough.


PersisFord · 11/10/2018 10:59

These are so lovely!! I want to nominate:

  1. My mum. Absolute perfection. I had the BEST childhood and I absolutely adore her

2. My MIL. She lives about an hour away and when I was pregnant with my 3rd and couldn’t BEAR cooking/food/the fridge she batch cooked a week of meals for us all and delivered them every Sunday. And cleaned the house when she was here. Gorgeous.

3. My SIL. She’s amazing. Really inspirational. I always wanted a sister but she is better!

GinIsIn · 11/10/2018 10:59

My mum has DS two days a week whilst I'm at work. She picks up bits of shopping for us, babysits the odd evening, and will take away car loads of washing as she has a tumble drier and we don't have room. She's brilliant! Now that DS is 20mo, she has proposed having him overnight between her two days too, so that I can go to zumba class and choir practice. I'm not at all sure I'm ready to let go of him overnight on a regular basis, but it's lovely that she's offered!

My aunt is also amazing - she insisted on buying DS's nursery furniture, and comes every 4 weeks to spend the day with him, and never fails to bring him a present, or something to do.


Justwaitingforaline · 11/10/2018 11:02

My MIL is incredible. I met DH when DD was 1 and she accepted her without question, as did FIL. We live with them ( we’re currently starting to build our home) and I cannot begin to thank her enough for all that she does. Drop off/pick ups, having her in the mornings occasionally so I can have a rare lie in, getting her into horse riding, cooking a roast every other Sunday ( I do the other one). I’ve truly fallen on my feet.

Most people think that living with the in laws must be awful for everyone involved but if we had to always live here, I know everyone would be very happy with that.


cantfindname · 11/10/2018 11:07

My daughter StarStarStar


DaphneduM · 11/10/2018 11:11

What a lovely thread. Boogle - how amazing your mum is!!! My grandmother and mum, both no longer with me, were strong and amazing women. My mum had polio during the last epidemic, but you would never have known that she was often in pain. Cared so lovingly for me, and brought up my two step-brothers as her own, even when one of them had severe emotional problems, she never gave up on him. After my divorce she helped me with my daughter so I could go back to work and was a constant source of support and good advice. Lol - re buying a house - never buy leasehold, or a house without mains drainage - that holds good today, I think!! Also she instilled in me that 'money was a tool to be used wisely', i.e. not to be hoarded but to be used judiciously and productively. I miss her every day, particularly at the moment, since the next amazing woman in my life, my beautiful daughter is going to make me a granny!! My lovely girl is my joy, we clash sometimes because we are both strong characters, but she is so kind and caring. It is a huge privilege that she has asked me to do a couple of days a week looking after the baby when she goes back to work. So, in our family, the cycle will continue - loving, strong, loyal women supporting each other. How fortunate we all are to have wonderful women in our lives.


RandomUsers · 11/10/2018 11:12

We do have our ups and downs, but my DM has always had my back. I went back to work when my DD1 was 5 months old, and my DM had her 4 day a week so I could go to work.
Her health had deteriorated badly by the time my DD2 was here, so she couldn't really do much.
But saying that, she still would give me her last penny if I needed it.
I have a cordial relationship with my MIL, she lives in another country and visiting once a year suits us just fine.


Knittedfairies · 11/10/2018 11:12

What a wonderful thread to read!


BitOutOfPractice · 11/10/2018 11:14

My mom is older now and lives a long way away but she quite simply thinks that I (and my sister and her four DGC) are simply the most marvellous creatures that ever walked the earth and tells us all regularly. She is always supportive and loving and I'm so lucky to have the nicest mom in the world.


BoogleMcGroogle · 11/10/2018 11:17

How fabulous too that some people have chosen to mention their daughters. I think we often think of looking up a generation for wisdom and support, but it's good to remember that young people can be pretty great too.

I want to mention a second wonderful woman. My Great Aunt died at 94. Met the love of her life and married at 65. Travelled the world her whole life. And was Tony Benn's (amongst other radicals and reprobates) private secretary. She had many stories to tell (and many she discreetly kept to herself). She was awesome!


Toomuchadoaboutnothing · 11/10/2018 11:17

My own mum has been dead 18 years. I loved my MIL like a mother. She had a heart of gold and would have, and did give family food and money, even though she didn’t have much herself.
She never once interfered in our marriage and when we had her one and only GC they were thick as thieves and he was her world.
We had some lovely holidays together.
She was diagnosed with lung cancer and died within 2 months. Not seeing her GC grow up was the thing she was most annoyed about.
She met death quietly and without making any fuss. She’s been gone 4 years and I miss and think of her often.


speakout · 11/10/2018 11:20

That's lovely OP.

I am a carer for my own mother and never had a MIL ( she died when OH was a baby).



purpleweasel · 11/10/2018 11:21

My Mum has been so supportive of me since my DD was born & during recent horrible period of ill health. My sister makes my life better in so many ways. Sadly lost my lovely & welcoming MIL some years ago but step MIL also lovely and DD loves her.

When people say they feel sorry for us (various reasons not suitable for a nice thread like this!) I tell them I am actually really lucky in many ways!


speakout · 11/10/2018 11:21

My mother has overall been quite a destructive force in my life TBH.


Whywonttheyletmeusemyusername · 11/10/2018 11:25

No older generation women in my life but my DDs are amazing....have dealt with too much in their short (ish) lives


lifechangesforever · 11/10/2018 11:25

I wish my mum and MIL lived closer so they could help out like this, they completely would.

We go to see MIL every other weekend as she lives in the site where our caravan is, she has DD (12 weeks old) to sleep 1 night so I can catch up on sleep.


Oobis · 11/10/2018 11:27

What a lovely thread. I was never close to my mum growing up, but as a mother, I really value her love and friendship. She's super helpful, a brilliant Grandma, and the times she would pop in, see how exhausted I was when twins were small and sleep was a stranger to me, she would just send me to bed and my heart leapt. Great mum 😘


Member745520 · 11/10/2018 11:30

What lovely and uplifting stories on this thread! I am well past the age of needing such help and support, and when I might have welcomed it both sets of parents lived many miles away so it wouldn't have been feasible anyway.

Flowers for all the helpful mums out there, and also for the ones who had less than happy experiences with their own Flowers


UnfinishedSenten · 11/10/2018 11:31

It's threads like these that make me promise myself I'll 100% be there to look after any future GC. I promise myself I won't be the over bearing MIL.
I don't have any support emotional or practical I'm NC with an narcissistic mum and MIL is judgy as hell and sets my panic attack's off so I avoid like the plague.
Lovely reading all these ❤️


Badtasteflump · 11/10/2018 11:33

Another one who has never had a supportive mother figure in her life unfortunately - but it is lovely to hear there are so many out there.

I am lucky enough to have some lovely female friends who I know I can rely on when I need them. My DD is also growing into a lovely, caring young woman and I'm hugely proud of her Smile


SelinaMyers · 11/10/2018 11:33

I’m another one who believes my mother is the best in the world. And while I wait for my first born to arrive (39+1) I can only hope I am half the mother she has been.
She always welcomes me home with open arms, and encourages my dreams and would give anything up for me and my sister.
My sister is the kindest, funniest, most generous person I have ever met. Though she has a wicked sense of humour and can be hard work I wouldn’t change her for the world. She is truly the light of my life and my greatest wish is for her to be able to see what a truly beautiful person she is inside and out (she really is a stunning girl but has no self confidence).
I am also lucky to have spent my life surrounded by women who I know will do anything for me. I lived in a different county for a few years and made so many great friends.


speakout · 11/10/2018 11:37

To all those like me who have had bad experiences with their mothers- use that as a springboard to examine what went wrong and use that to make sure we don't make the same mistakes.

I vowed not to repeat a lot of the stuff my mother did ( and failed to do) and now that my youngest is 18 and skipping off to University I feel I have done my job well.

You can break the cycle.

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