AIBU? Single parent with migraine

[VinoBlancoPorFavor]

Rant alert!
Yesterday I had a raging migraine. Made it through the day at work practically on my knees, drove to collect DD (13) from after school activities at 6.15. She called me at 6.20 to see where I was parked- she didn’t listen and spoke over me when trying to explain as had to park 2 mins further away than normal- not far or complicated but she talked over me so didn’t understand. 6.30 still not got to car I’m panicking she’s been kidnapped/feeling like my eyes are going to start bleeding from migraine pain. 6.40 she arrives at car but realises she’s left jumper inside. More waiting while she gets to it.
Pull over twice on way home with head pain. Feel like I shouldn’t be driving but have no one to collect us and no public transport anywhere near (no money for taxi).
Get home, full of relief that my head hasn’t yet exploded.

DM is at mine- granted she’s done this mornings washing up and put on a load of laundry but that wasn’t expected and isn’t usual.
I literally collapse in tears on my bed as felt so bad. DD washes hair, DM oversees her putting pizza in oven etc then leaves.
DD needs hair in plaits for dance show tomorrow. I can’t see and she threw a tantrum because I refused to do them as I can barely lift my head. Compromised with one low plait that I can do with closed eyes. DD shouty and makes me upset so I cried, then she cried. My poor neighbours.

No one asked if I was ok. Not even this morning. No one checked to see if I needed a drink. They literally ignored my sobbing.
I get that DD was upset but so was I. I get that it’s not her fault that she has one parent, that’s its not her fault, that she gets a shit deal. But so do I.

AIBU to think that one of them should have stuck their head around the door to see if I at least needed a drink of water??!
Why don’t they care?!!!!!
Sick and tired of doing everything and no one noticing when I’m on my knees.

@VinoBlancoPorFavor apologies, I read post as the activity was taking place at school :)

My daughter was younger once too and actually in a way (not every way granted) it’s eaiser when they’re smaller. You can decide what time they go to bed, you can decide if they miss out of school activities, you can decide to skip a hair wash if you are physically unable to facilitate all that- at 13 they have much more of an input that you must listen to

I really disagree. Your dd is now older and more self-sufficient, and must get ill sometimes herself and knows that when you are ill, you are ill. You don't have to listen to the input of a shouty 13 year old when you have a migraine, you really don't. I am in a similar situation to you, and when I have a migraine, my role as chef/cook/driver is on hold, no discussion.

ButABUItho: clearly you were also that same selfish youngster also lacking in empathy. Just waiting for my DDs epiphany moment... hope it comes soon!!

I agree with PP, I think you do need to speak to your DD. At 13 she should understand enough to not throw a temper tantrum when you're too unwell to do her hair as you normally would.

I hope that didn't come over too harsh. I really do know what it's like to be the only one in the house that can do stuff and then how stressful it is when you have a migraine. It is very hard and teens can make you feel guilty, even when they have no right to do so!

Write a list and put it on the fridge for your DD so she can help you next time. Simple things like no noise, look after yourself, lock doors and check windows are closed, make sure mum has tablets and water, and a bowl by the bed/wet flannel etc. And some emergency numbers ie 111 and the local hospital/GP.

And print out some information on migraines, from patient.co.uk or the NHS website for her to read.

Teenagers are only aware of their own entities and needs sadly. But she is old enough to look after herself AND you when you need her to.

Well that’s where we differ then-at 13 they have commitments and obligations that they need to adhere to eg this this she has to do at school warranting the plaits/preparing for an exam at her out of school club etc etc.

She made her own dinner, got herself to bed etc so my role was on hold while I’ll, it was just the plaits!

Clearly I can’t type tonight! Blame the migraine hangover?!

I feel your pain. 13 year olds can be incredibly self-aborbed. Acupuncture is the only thing that sorted my horrendous migraines out.

I get migraines OP, bad ones . My DTDs (10) make a huge fuss over me, get me pillows, put blankets over me (whether I want them or not lol), and then leave me alone.

One thing I can suggest that's made a massive, humongous change to my life, is a daith piercing. I was getting 3 or 4 migraines a week, I was actually recovering from one when I had the piercing done. In the 8 months since I've had it, I've only had 3 migraines! And they're only a fraction as bad as they used to be. Well worth it.

Hope you're feeling better now .

OP I feel your pain. I’ve suffered with migraines for most of my adult life, although thankfully not nearly as much since periods stopped. I really advise you to see your GP and get him/her to prescribe SUMATRIPTAN tablets. Normally you get 6 tablets in a pack and take one tablet as soon as you feel a migraine coming on. I have found them a godsend....within 15 mins the migraine is gone.
With regard to you not getting much sympathy....I think unless someone has had migraine, people don’t appreciate how debilitating it can be, they just assume you’ve got a headache and expect you to carry on as normal. You definitely shouldn’t drive when you’ve got one...I once had one at work and had to get a cab home from London to Essex, cab driver wasn’t happy as I threw up in the back of the cab!
Please go to your GP and get this sorted, it will make a real difference to your life.

TickTickBoomBoom

What is a daith piercing?

Fair enough, if the hair is non-negotiable. Would it be possible for her to have it done by another parent prior to the activity, next time? Are you/she friends with anyone that could do this, especially if you explain the issue so they know you aren't just being a CF.

Take it easy on yourself. You're doing a good job in difficult circumstances. It's ok to ask for help.

Hold on.... in one post you were considering getting a bus to A&E and in another your migraines aren't bad enough to warrant paying an £8 prescription.

So you had a GP appointment about your migraines then ignored their suggestion then was considering using more NHS services?

Quite frankly baffled by that!

ILoveMyPantry - migraineagain.com/does-daith-piercing-work-for-migraine/

I have not got one as the healing time is long, and apparently painful, and my ear is one of my painful places during one type of my migraines. I'm not sure about voluntarily going through more pain, while there are still medication options to try.

Also, I can only wear 1 type of headphones & it would interfere with that! I need my audiobooks to help me sleep...

Yes barista, I can’t afford prescriptions, yes at one point yesterday I was considering getting a bus to a&e. They aren’t always as bad, and within an attack they can intensify then adjust slightly. So no, I cannot justify the prescription cost especially as my doctor recommended tablets you need to take daily as a preventive measure so it’s not like it’s £9 a few times a year.
I don’t go on holiday/smoke/have wild nights out on which I waste my money so I can’t redirect funds from such.
Plus I’ve also had bad reactions in the past, don’t want to live on tablets or deal with side effects either if I’m honest!

@ILoveMyPantry - here is my daith piercing.

It is an expensive piercing - I paid £39 for mine, and it takes 6-12 months to heal. Mine was fully healed in 7 months. I won't lie to you, having the piercing itself done is extremely painful - it's through thick cartilage, however, once it's done you don't really notice it. You can't sleep on that side for a few months (I used a donut pillow so my ear rested in the hole).

But the pain of having it done is nothing compared to the relief of the migraines. Twenty minutes after having the piercing my migraine pain had just about disappeared, and it's such a relief not having a couple of migraines a week .

She 13 not 7 fgs!! Why isn't she more self sufficiant?

At 13 she could've got the bus or a taxi. She can do her own hair. She can figure it out from youtube or get her mates to do it.
You're also old enough to get migraine relief OP and lock yourself in a dark room. Do that next time. YABU for being a martyr.

You have my sympathy OP - I'm another long term migraine sufferer and know how totally awful they are. I have to lie down with a cold flannel over my forehead in the dark and my family know its complety game over re me doing anything for them unless it was a life or death situation! You somehow need to make your DD realise just how debilitating these attacks are for you. Plaiting hair is not something critical when you are so ill surely? I'm another fan of sumitriptan drugs. They have changed my life. I went to a specialist migraine clinic years ago and got some after that. I make one prescription last twice as long by getting 100mg tablets (come in pack of 6) but break each one in half. Taking 50mg sumitriptan with two strong paracetemol (own brand MUCH cheaper than named brands ) and a strong cup of tea then a lie down with cold flannel on my head sorts 90% of mine these days. If I'm already feeling sick - too late for tablets so I have sumitriptan injections on prescription (clicker pen - easy to do and only hurts for a second). www.migraine.org.uk/ Lots of useful stuff on here. Good luck.

Alpha... you clearly haven’t comprehended what I’ve previously written. After school activity is a train and 2 buses -not actually that far but no direct route by public transport and takes about an hour and a half. Not ideal on a school night plus I don’t want my daughter out on her own in the dark. She is self sufficient- gets herself to and from school on 2 buses each way, can do dinner and did so when I was in migraine hell, hoovers the whole house and will do the laundry if I ask. She just can’t double Dutch plait -I know plenty of sleuths that can’t do one plait in someone else’s hair let alone double Dutch their own!

And glass: not it wasn’t a priority hence I didn’t do it how she needed, but thanks for the medication advice.

Oops, plenty of adults, not sleuths!

I thought about having the piercing but 2 friends have had and it hasn't helped with the migraines at all. Plus they both said how much it hurt, not just when done but for quite a while after.

Sorry but if it was a real migraine, im amazed you can work, or even attempt to

Opinions like this are slightly annoying. I have suffered from migraines since I was about 19.

I was working away in Berlin last year and once struck me at about 2pm. I was flying over to London for a conference. From London heathrow, i had to get the tube for 12 stops and an overground train to my overnight accommodation. It was hell. I was vomiting and my sight was decreasing. But i HAD to do it. I didn't have another source of income to get home at this point, and staying there would have delayed the pain for the next day. Having a migraine doesn't mean you can automatically take yourself to a dark room and sleep!

OP hope you feel better today

I have been a single parent with a young child and horrendous migraines. My whole world would have been different if I'd had the triptan drugs which are now available, but weren't then. I think if you'd make it a priority to find the right drug for you, life would be a lot more doable.

ButABUItho:clearly you were also that same selfish youngster also lacking in empathy. waiting for my DDs epiphany moment... hope it comes soon!!

What the fuck?! Fuck You!

I was the total opposite! I posted to explain that I went into my mums bedroom to show her my piercing and she told me she had a migraine, when I realised l said I really felt for her.
I CLEARLY stated that I felt sympathy toward my parent who was in pain at the age of 12.

I also showed sympathy to you in your post.

So fuck you for twisting my post and likening me to your own selfish, self absorbed daughter which is a product of your parenting anyway. @VinoBlancoPorFavor