Aibu to let DS miss his only cousin's 1st birthday?

[eeekwtf]

My DS has just been invited to his only cousin's 1st birthday in 2 weeks. The problem is that we accepted an invitation to another child's birthday a week ago. DS has only known this child for 6 weeks,but I feel like we should be going to that party for the following reasons:

• It's in a soft play, so I know the parents have already paid up £12-15 per head.

-DS is struggling to make friends as he only attends 3 nursery mornings a week. He seems to be missing out on building friendships because most of the other children are F/T. -I've not had an opportunity to meet any other parents as I can only make one pick-up due to work (I know that nursery friendships are usually based on parents knowing each other, so I feel like I'm failing him because I don't know any of the parents.)

WIBU to go to the other party? His cousin will probably only have 1-2 other children at his party, but he is only a year old, so I doubt he'd notice. In-laws will not be happy. They've hired out a hall and everything (but only given everyone 2 weeks notice).

I don't think YWBU to say you have a prior commitment. You have!

Why have they hired out a hall if there will only be three children there, max?

Yanbu. You have already committed yourself to something else, it would be really rude to cancel now. The other reasons aren't relevant

I would go for friend's party. It sounds as if your DD will have a great time and social benefits for both of you. And you've accepted.

I admit to not being a fan of huge first birthday parties - the cousin won't know or care who is there. It's more for parents/grandparents I think.

Whatever, you are already committed to other so a perfect excuse 😉

If you have already accepted an invitation then you have a legitimate reason to not go to the cousin's party. It would be very rude to back out of the first invitation. Just tell your nephew's parents that you are already doing something that day.

I would attend the party of the child from nursery, like you say you've already said yes. Can you not join your nephws party aftrerwards?
BTW - Why is your nephews party in a hall if there will only be 3 children there including the birthday boy?

Go to friends party, it sounds like he'd also have more fun there. My nephews missed my dd's first birthday party (although she was 2) and I didn't mind (it was four less people to feed )

YANBU his cousin won't even notice

You’re already committed to a party, which they would of paid for. If it was such an issue for your DS to be at his cousin’s party, why did the ILs only book it with 2 weeks notice?

Assuming you live closely I would offer to visit after party

I guess the hall element is more for all the grown ups. Although I don't think they'll be enough to fill a hall. That's part of the reason I'm feeling guilty. I feel like we need to be there to make up numbers!
My DS would enjoy himself at either party, but would probably have more fun at the soft play. Although I just mentioned the nursery child's name and he wasn't sure who it was.
Part of me is thinking that family are more important and will be in his life for longer. Nursery friends aren't normally life-long friends. Maybe I'm over thinking this.

Both parties are the exact same time. Not possible to go to both. We'd have to do 40 mins at each to allow for travel between.

You are completely overthinking this. You have accepted an invite already. The rest isn't important, they are so young, they wont remember any of this in a year or two.

I wouldn't miss my nephews first birthday celebration, they might not remember but I want to celebrate with them. And I would be hurt if my Brother or SIL didn't seem bothered.

Soft play parties normally have a minimum number but you usually pay for the amount who attend on the day so parents shouldn't be out of pocket. And that birthday child/family won't miss you.

Ok, I probably am over thinking this, probably because I'm already having in-law problems. This will just be the icing on the cake.

Where have I said I'm not bothered?? I think we can clearly see that I am bothered by all this!

Could you go over to your Nephew's house after the nursery party with a nice present so it shows you've made an effort, even though you couldn't make his party?

"And that birthday child/family won't miss you."

I think they will, especially as the OP has already accepted the invitation.

I would probably spend a shorter time at each.

I would go to the Nursery friends party, you replied to them first and that's a good life lesson regardless of how old your son is.

I am also highly amused that anyone would hire a hall for a birthday party for a 1 year old, why not have it at his house where he will probably feel more content that a strange empty hall?

Final note - don't be so quick to assume he wont still be friends with the nursery children in future, they may go to the same school as him and become classmates.

I don't think you aren't bothered but that is how it will look to your SIL.

Isn't the general consensus always pick the first accepted invite? It's insanely rude to accept an invite and back out when offered something better!
For me there's no question- go to the nursery party. Two weeks notice is just not enough to guarantee attendance. It's a shame, but you've already got other plans

As I said, it's not possible to go to both parties. It's one or the other.

I'm not sure how BIL will take it (child doesn't have a mother). PIL will be pissed off.

Let your oh go to the cousins, you and go to the nursery friend, go on afterwards to cousin if you have time"/feel like I/can be bothered. Tell them you will try but not to bank on it

Could OH go to nephew's party, and you take DS to the friend's party?

I would prioritise the nursery party you have always accepted.