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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not bond with bump

27 replies

Fruitteatime · 10/10/2018 18:29

An acquaintance mentioned that I ought to rub my bump to bond with the baby. I've not had any instinct to do so and now I'm wondering if that's normal. I do occasionally rest a hand there to feel the movements. Did anyone rub their bump during pregnancy as a way of bonding with baby?

OP posts:

Biancadelriosback · 10/10/2018 18:32

I rubbed mine all the way through but completely subconsciously.

JosellaPlayton · 10/10/2018 18:36

What an utterly bizarre thing for an to have said to you. I’d be pretty creeped out if someone I didn’t know particularly well told me to start rubbing my bump

But as you’ve asked, personally I didn’t really do it, it’s not something you can force if it doesn’t feel natural to you. Don’t sweat it, I’m sure you’ll feel perfectly bonded to your baby when they arrive!

GummyGoddess · 10/10/2018 18:39

Nope, I don't like the kicks even though they're reassuring. I didn't bond with either bump, it was an abstract concept and even during labour it was too much to grasp that I was going to end up with a baby. I have bonded very well with both dc, just not when I couldn't see them.

Pebblespony · 10/10/2018 18:42

I certainly didn't. My DH didn't even want to feel the kicks. We are both completely wrapped around her little fingers now.

Chocolateismyvice · 10/10/2018 18:45

Nope! Also I didn't bond with the bump at all, and my partner was freaked out by the kicks, but now we are both utterly besotted with out little boy. Had no impact whatsoever.

Im also pregnant again and expecting the same, not concerned at all about future bonding.

harrietm87 · 10/10/2018 18:48

I definitely didn’t! I didn’t really bond with the bump at all. We didn’t find out the sex and I’d had recurrent mcs so was quite anxious and just couldn’t imagine an actual baby. Totally in love with him now obviously!

londonstories · 10/10/2018 18:56

I am sick of all the bullshit around pregnancy. It's none of their business what you do. It's nonsense like that that makes parents feel pressured.

JugglingMummyof2 · 10/10/2018 19:03

I did - spent my time bump patting and day dreaming of the wonderful life I would have with my newborn - breast feeding with one hand, drinking coffee with my chums/work colleagues/all and sundry with the other - I could not have been more bonded with my perfect portable baby.
Sadly nobody gave her the script and instead I found myself with a screaming colicey baby and never leaving the house for the first 4 months.
I fell in love with her as a person on the outside - ignore anyone that tells you what to do in pregnancy and for the next 18 years and do what is right for you.

Knittedfairies · 10/10/2018 19:17

What an odd thing to say.

Bambamber · 10/10/2018 19:22

I did, I use to rub my bump and sing and read to it. Never really went round telling people though as I thought I was being a bit of an oddball doing it.

Do what feels natural to you. I don't think rubbing your bump will really have any effect on the bond you will have with your baby.

Solderingiron · 10/10/2018 19:25

No, never rubbed my bump for bonding purposes, don't think I really rubbed it at all. I used to sing to it to, as it made Ds move, but that's it. As others have said it's all very abstract until baby is here. Also don't panic if you don't feel that rush of love instantly, I didn't took at least 8 weeks for me to feel it. Up until that point, I just had this baby I had to mind!

Pebblespony · 10/10/2018 19:37

Oh yeah, same here with the delayed bonding. Thought I was abnormal, worst person in the world. It all passed.

ThisBitch · 10/10/2018 19:40

I remember midwives telling me to talk, read books and sing to my bump so they can 'understand which voice is mummys' no thanks I'm sure my child will realise I'm it's mother when they're born like any other normal child

I think most of the advice nowadays is from some sort of delusional view on how motherhood should be. Always hold baby, don't let them cry, only breastfeed, entertain them as soon as they're born, don't let them sleep in a separate room, talk to them all of the time. no wonder the amount of mentally ill post natal mothers is so high, it's too much pressure and judgement.

Just make sure the baby is fed, clean and warm. That is all you need to do. And right now the baby is always fed, clean(ish) and warm so you don't have to do anything don't worry

Original poster

Fruitteatime · 10/10/2018 19:43

Thanks for the reassurance, glad I'm not the only one! It just got me thinking that maybe baby was missing out on something but I imagine it's more for the mother than the baby.

OP posts:

seventhgonickname · 10/10/2018 19:44

I used to poke mine if she was still too long just to make sure but bonding,weird.

Catmum26 · 10/10/2018 19:46

i subconsciously rub my bump but i dont talk to him. i’ve seen lots of things saying i should be talking to him and reading him stories to get him used to my voice but it seems silly to me. he’s a very wanted baby so i know i’m going to love him so much when he’s here but i think it still doesn’t seem ‘real’ that in a few weeks i’m going to have a real life baby.

HenryInTheTunnel · 10/10/2018 19:47

I didn't. Poor little bugger had to listen to me blabbering all day long any way. I'm sure he was glad of the peace.

GummyGoddess · 10/10/2018 19:49

They don't need to get used to your voice, they hear it all day whether you read to them or not!

Pebblespony · 10/10/2018 19:50

Good point. You're talking all day anyway. How does the baby know if it's directed towards it or not?

SpoonBlender · 10/10/2018 19:53

All this freaking out about bonding. Ugh. It's just a biological trick to stop you thinking of it as a parasitic growth. We don't need to do that, we're not dumb animals any more, we're clever enough to know that thanks.

Instacrumb · 10/10/2018 19:54

I didn't, I found it quite awkward to be honest. I used to tap and he would kick back and I used to splash water on it in the bath and he would go mad but it's just another one of those things you are made to think you should be doing but you don't need to! They learn your voice when you're talking to people.

Thesnobbymiddleclassone · 10/10/2018 19:56

What blocks 😂😂😂

Bonding with your bump really?! Ridiculous. Just another way to make parents feel guilty earlier. They'll be suggesting we let grandparents run the bump for bonding next.

hamburgers · 10/10/2018 20:06

Didn't bond with my bump and didn't have an instant rush of love either after I gave birth. Felt like a horrible human.

DD is almost 1 and I love her so much it hurts!

DrWhy · 10/10/2018 20:26

I only rub the bump because it’s sore now at 34 weeks! I bonded a bit with the last bump, I haven’t at all with this one, I’m so focussed on DS and afraid I’m about to ruin his life that I’m in total denial that in 6 weeks I’ll have a baby. I think I’m a bit of an odd case though as I do somewhat wish I hadn’t decided to have a second, really hope that changes when it arrives.

GoodbyeSummer · 10/10/2018 20:42

No, not at all. I hated being pregnant and didn't feel at all happy about the bump. Of course I loved and wanted the baby inside it very much, I just didn't feel like rubbing, holding, stroking or nursing the bump made me feel like I was doing that to the baby. It was just me rubbing my belly/abdomen and felt weird. My husband never stroked it either because again, it felt like he was just stroking me and I didn't like it. When the baby was born I felt much more able to bond because it was real; it was something I could see, feel, hold, touch, smell and, of course, hear.

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