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AIBU?

offered money. OLD

68 replies

sonewtoitall · 10/10/2018 17:47

I'm new to online dating, in my late 30s. I'm only on Plenty of fish and Tinder right now as I wanted to try a free site rather than pay for it. So far I'm talking to a few guys, no dates yet as I'm only 5 days into this.
One person has offered me money for sex, he says he will meet me beforehand and if I'm comfortable we can meet in a hotel the next time and I can have someone drop me off and pick me up to ensure I'm safe.
Quite frankly I'm equal parts insulted and intrigued.
on the one hand I'm not ready for anything serious anyway but on the other I really feel like i wasted the last ten years with my ex and finally want to do whatever I want.
I'm wondering whether he's trying to scam me somehow which is what it seems and is this kind of stuff normal for OLD.
I feel like giving up already.

OP posts:

Report

hannnnnnnxo · 10/10/2018 18:51

Have sex with whoever you want, that’s fine. However I wouldn’t be flattered that someone offered me money to fuck me, I’d be offended. In your situation, the guy doesn’t sound ‘nice’ but cringy/creepy at best and sinister at worst!

Nat6999 · 10/10/2018 18:53

Sounds like you are new to OLD, there are some idiots who think it's ok to treat women like you were treated, that's what the block button is for. There are also some lovely people out there, I had a 5 year relationship with someone I met online & have made some lovely friends with men I have met where dating didn't work out but friendship developed. You soon develop a sixth sense of who is on the level & who isn't, take your time & don't rush into meeting someone face to face unless you feel comfortable, stick to the safety rules & you will be ok.

sonewtoitall · 10/10/2018 18:54

been used by every guy in my life so far and maybe that's all I'm good for.

OP posts:

zippey · 10/10/2018 19:03

There is danger in everything we do so meeting people for money or for free, it’s risky either way.

It won’t do your self confidence any good at least you get some cash out of it. You will also have less control over things I suspect.

juneau · 10/10/2018 19:05

I'm just so sick of the way I've been treated

So, you're thinking of turning to prostitution? OP, what you need is some therapy to rebuild your self esteem, not money for a meaningless shag with a stranger. Please get help - you're not just being naive here - you're risking your mental health and what shreds of your pride you have left. This is the very last thing you should be doing.

mumsastudent · 10/10/2018 19:05

AIDS Hep C … dirty creep you wouldn't fancy if last man on earth... join social club or take up hobby where you mix with people volunteer anything other than that (are you trolling???)

WichBitchHarpyTerfThatsMe · 10/10/2018 19:06

Don't do it OP. Apart from the obvious safety issues what kind of bloke thinks he can go on a dating site and offer women money for sex? Not a man with any respect for women. Also, whilst it may feel like an adventure I doubt your self-esteem will be at all helped by it.

juneau · 10/10/2018 19:07

been used by every guy in my life so far and maybe that's all I'm good for

No, that's not all you're good for. Tell this guy to fuck the fuck off and then go to this www.bacp.co.uk/ website and find yourself a good therapist

HaroldsSocalledBluetits · 10/10/2018 19:09

OP you sound so low and unhappy. I don't think doing this will lift your mood and it would be dangerous. Think about the kind of guy who thinks buying access to women's bodies is an ok thing to do. Do you want that person in your vagina?

Maybe it would help to find someone to talk to about the feelings you have about yourself. Someone who can help you rediscover that you are worth so much more than this. Which you are, trust me.

sonewtoitall · 10/10/2018 19:17

I appreciate the advice, I think I'm just angry and low and am at the point where I think every guy is like this anyway.
I wont do it. Don't think I'd be able to go through with it anyway.

OP posts:

sonewtoitall · 10/10/2018 19:18

I definitly need help with self esteem so thank you i will check out the websites and things advised
No I'm not a troll, don't know why a post like this would be considered a troll to be honest.

OP posts:

TakemedowntoPotatoCity · 10/10/2018 19:25

Please don't do this. You are worth a lot.
If you fancy going out, having fun and some no strings sex, fine. But not the with this guy. Your self esteem will be in the gutter afterwards - if you make it out unscathed.
Do something for YOU that doesn't involve a man - a spa day, or a nice meal, or some new clothes/haircut.

Iooselipssinkships · 10/10/2018 19:25

OP don't do it. You'll have the buzz of the money at first but once it's gone you will be left with even lower self esteem.
I was coerced into similar by an ex and on a second arrangement was threatened to be raped and killed in the name of his religion. He also had no money on him.
I kept my hand firmly on the knife I had in my bag while I begged him to drive me back to where I met him.
That's the reality of paid sex.

bubbles108 · 10/10/2018 19:28

but yes my self esteem is at an all time low right now

And accepting money for sex is going to increase your self esteem - how?

hannnnnnnxo · 10/10/2018 19:31

Yeah you should block him. Not all men are like this but you’ll definitely come across weirdos like him on dating websites.

Personally I find it odd that he’s offering women money for sex, when there’s plenty of women on dating websites that are looking for sex only anyway and would be fine with sex for free lol. It makes me think that the ones offering money are either desperate/weird and other women aren’t interested in them; or they’re into vile fetishes, or have something sinister in mind as let’s be honest, it could be a vulnerable woman taking up a money for sex offer.

GreenMeerkat · 10/10/2018 19:37

He wants to pay you so he thinks he has the 'right' to do what he wants to your body.

Please do not do this and block this man immediately. They are not all like this, keep chatting to the others and I'm sure you'll find some interesting people.

mumsastudent · 10/10/2018 19:40

Sorry op, - but you should not consider this - bad relationships have made you feel hopeless about future - but why not try other sites or don't worry to much about "finding a man" until you are happier - find friends first, build a new life, one you can enjoy & then try other websites - you need to toss away a few frogs before finding a good guy - don't take a frog because some crappy guy has made you feel unworthy. Guys who do this have their own issues of self worth & the only way they can feel in control is when they make someone else feel bad - gaslighting -

LittleMe03 · 10/10/2018 19:51

OP, this is prostitution and most certainly not the way to help your self esteem. Please do not consider this and get the help you need.

You've been used by men in the past as you said so get the help you need and then use that as a way forward to be stronger and more confident to not allow another man to do this to you again.

Graphista · 10/10/2018 19:56

In all likelihood this is a guy who's been "blackballed" by the local prostitutes.

Possibly due to having HIV or hepatitis but wants unsafe sex.

Possibly due to being violent or having extreme kinks like scat fetish.

All the more reason to give him a VERY wide berth.

I'm also wondering given the low self esteem, poor boundaries and responses you're getting if you'd be better off at the VERY least changing your profile. Lots of old threads on here to advise of the pitfalls and certain phrases and words to avoid using.

LemonysSnicket · 10/10/2018 20:08

Well, do you want to be a prostitute? If no, don't go.

Also even if a person is outside, if he ties you up and kill you and leaves it's not like you had the opportunity to call them up before you're dead. Best you could hope is they can ID him for police.

LemonysSnicket · 10/10/2018 20:15

And not all men are horrible, you've just been very bloody unlucky.

Rebuild yourself, see a counsellor, then try again.

We accept the love we think we deserve. So often that leads women into horrible relationships because they couldn't see their own work.

LemonysSnicket · 10/10/2018 20:15

Worth*

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TinselAngel · 10/10/2018 20:22

Surely there would be a risk of blackmail?

ToEarlyForDecorations · 10/10/2018 20:26

Don't do it.

As others have said above, you will put yourself at risk.

He could be a pimp or a drug dealer.

He also won't forget that he paid you for sex. He could hang around outside your house with that, 'remember me ?' look on his face. He could find out where you work, who your friends are with the unspoken threat that he's going to tell them that he paid you for sex.

ToEarlyForDecorations · 10/10/2018 20:36

As pp's have said he could be a troublesome 'punter' and the local prostitutes won't serve him.

STD's could be a real risk. He probably thinks he won't have to wear a condom. Prostitutes take it as read that a condom will be used. 'Condom fiddlers' i.e. men who try to remove the condom during sex are reported among the sex workers community.

Look up SAAFE, it's a prostitutes information sharing website. Then look up Punternet UK where clients rate their experiences with prostitutes.

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