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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be surprised that so many on here claim to have never met/seen anyone who is transgender?

110 replies

abacucat · 10/10/2018 16:17

Where I live in Britain I meet and see transgender people all the time. So today I was out and saw two people who were obviously transgender. I also meet people through work and other occasions.

OP posts:
CaligulaBlushed · 10/10/2018 16:47

OP what exactly were you hoping to get from this thread? I'm still confused as to your AIBU what you're even getting at.

Thelaststand · 10/10/2018 16:48

I know of two trans women in my area. Both are in their fifties (I think) They are no Kaitlyn Jenner, at a quick glance they would pass as women but if you take a second more to look you can see the tell tale signs. They both lead (I think) quiet lives and dress innocuously. I see them just getting on with there lives just like me.

Nothing like the young white men driving the trans machine. I often wonder what they think of it all as I bet it’s making life very difficult for them

ADastardlyThing · 10/10/2018 16:51

And clothes, it is the hardest part of my day apparently, choosing what to wear, so a pink uniform would be to die for.

I hope it has a fitted waist.

Sandbox · 10/10/2018 16:53

I live in the uk and haven’t seen anyone I would assume is transgender. I think the reason there’s so much about it in the media is because it’s not the norm

HateIsNotGood · 10/10/2018 16:53

So because I've spent most of my life in jeans, t-shirts, trainers and make-up less, and have spent years enjoying outdoor, physical work in my repertoire of work, I'm "gender non-conforming" as an actual label?

No thanks - to label my dress sense as gender non-conforming sets the whole female equality thing back a few years. Because I am a female does not mean I should prefer dresses and heels and I am less of a woman if I don't.

I am a believer in Total Clothing Rights (ref: Eddie Izzard of 20 years ago.)

MacosieAsunter · 10/10/2018 16:55

Officially cross dressers come under the transgender umbrella.

Point me to the official source because wearing alternative clothing IS NOT changing your gender

Definition:
cross-dress
VERB
to wear clothing typical of the opposite sex.
"a lot of men cross-dress" ·

transgender
[tranzˈdʒɛndə, transˈdʒɛndə]
ADJECTIVE
denoting or relating to a person whose sense of personal identity and gender does not correspond with their birth sex. Compare with cisgender.

Original poster
abacucat · 10/10/2018 16:55

I don't scrutinise people in the street either. But you know when something catches your eye because it doesn't quite fit? That is what happens. So the old fashioned housewife with the bad wig - it was the wig that caught my eye.

And I have met people through work who are trans. There are many lesbians with short hair and wearing jeans, so far harder to tell if they are lesbian or identify as transgender. But gay men do not go around dressing as old fashioned housewives with bad wigs.

OP posts:
bridgetreilly · 10/10/2018 16:56

Well, I have met one person who is transgender. I know because I was a student at the time, they were working at the college, and we all got a letter informing us that he was henceforth to be known as Ms. X. And then also because the next day it was in the Daily Mail. This was 25 years ago, so I suppose it was more newsworthy.

But since then, no I have never noticed anyone and made the assumption that they were transgender. Partly, I suspect this is because I am very bad at things like noticing wigs and hair dye and so on. But also because I think a lot of people could easily pass for either gender, depending on how they are dressed/made up etc. And so I don't make those assumptions.

CaligulaBlushed · 10/10/2018 16:57

I'm so confused by this thread. Do people really go around spotting minorities then chat about how they can spot them on social media?

CaligulaBlushed · 10/10/2018 16:57

I think a lot of people could easily pass for either gender, depending on how they are dressed/made up etc. And so I don't make those assumptions.

Me too.

bridgetreilly · 10/10/2018 16:57

And I've no idea what 'official' definition you're using, but transvestite is definitely not the same thing.

PeasAreGreat · 10/10/2018 16:57

i actually cant remember if ive seen one or not, and i live in London.

fdgdfgdfgdfg · 10/10/2018 16:59

@MacosieAsunter *"The Gender Identity Research & Education Society (GIRES) estimates that about 1% of the British population are gender nonconforming to some degree. The numbers of trans boys and trans girls are about equal.""

So 1 in every 600,000 in the UK is possibly transitioning. 'Non conforming' will mean many things, not just transitioning*

That's not how percentages work. If 1% of the population in gender nonconforming, then thats 1 out of every 100, or 600,000 out of 60,000,000

HolesinTheSoles · 10/10/2018 17:02

I've only ever come across someone who was noticeably gender non-conforming in large cities. I also met a child who was I guess gender non conforming but his parents weren't using the label trans at that point. His mum basically said they both hoped he would grow out of it (he was only 6) and were waiting and seeing.

HolesinTheSoles · 10/10/2018 17:03

(Just to clarify the 6 year old was very extreme, not just "I like to dress up in girls clothes he was adamant he was a girl and would get very distressed if referred to as a he).

Original poster
abacucat · 10/10/2018 17:03

I disagree totally that most people could pass for either sex.

OP posts:
MacosieAsunter · 10/10/2018 17:04

fdgdfgdfgdfg I meant 600,000, no idea where the random 1 came from.

ShadyLady53 · 10/10/2018 17:04

A lot of post-op transgender people are not obviously trans. I had no idea my Manager had not been born male until years after I’d been working at the company. He is a gruff voiced, bearded man and doesn’t look anything like the bubbly, blonde woman he was 6 years back. Looking at pictures I genuinely would not have known they were the same person. Since then I’ve become aware of other trans males and trans females who I could say exactly the same thing of.

Lots of people could be encountering trans people and have no idea.

BabySharkAteMyHamster · 10/10/2018 17:04

I know a lot more F to M transgender people than M to F.........I think it's a bit sad that all these issues have suddenly been tjrown into the spotlight. Whereas years ago they'd be quietly accepted in the main and left to get on with things.

ADastardlyThing · 10/10/2018 17:05

Stonewall define cross dressers as transgender.

I'd say that's pretty official? I know there's the dictionary definition but that doesn't seem to mean much nowadays sadly (although c-gender wasn't in the definition I saw)

PinkCalluna · 10/10/2018 17:08

I really don’t understand why you find it so surprising that lots of people haven’t met a transgender person.

I live in a small place with a population of about 8000 people. So statistically one might expect that the town would have approx 80 trans identifying residents.

Except there aren’t any. (It’s the kind of place where everyone knows everyone else).

Where you live has a bearing on the demographics. I’m not sure why that’s surprising.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 10/10/2018 17:08

Why is something Stonewall says 'official'? They aren't law makers or a government department (yet).

They are a lobbying organisation. Nothing more!

Gaspodethetalkingdog · 10/10/2018 17:11

The only person I have come across works in a shop I go to, other than that - no

theworldistoosmall · 10/10/2018 17:13

One of my oldest mates is a transvestite. Someone tried telling him weeks ago that he was transgender. That was an interesting argument. My friend insisting no he's not transgender he's a transvestite and he should know himself better than some little tosser. That he isn't transgender because he knows what gender he is, he's a man. He just gets a sexual kick from dressing as a female one of the turn-ons for him is having his bollocks hang loose and getting some air up there.

My friend and others really despise this new generation and wish they would shove their labels and umbrellas up their own arses. For years no one really cared about transvestites, transsexuals, crossdressers etc. Now cos of the new idiots they are now getting grief because other people assuming they are prats like the new lot.

And of course, they get grief from the new generation of transgenders because they are refusing to be labelled by them, and don't actually want to be put under an umbrella because shouldn't we all just live how we want to live. Why the need to shout and tantrum to get across the label we have decided to impose on ourselves?

LakieLady · 10/10/2018 17:13

The first transwoman I met was over 30 years ago.

The office where I'm based runs courses for the whole organisation. There are quite a few trans people, including a couple where I couldn't honestly say which gender (if any) they identify as. They have gender-neutral names, too, so a discreet squint at their name badges is no help.

This wouldn't be a problem, but a couple of staff have been given formal warnings for using the wrong pronoun for people who have recently changed their gender identification, so I'm a bit scared of getting it wrong. I may have to start using the horrible "they" when in doubt.

It must be really difficult when you've worked with someone for years and you suddenly have to switch from she/her to he/him.