what has aibu taught you?

[ambereeree]

For me its always say no to a favour otherwise you'll end up asking if that person is a cf when you've been taken advantage of.

Don't offer people lifts.

That people can be nasty judgemental and bitchy

Nativity calendars are really popular in the UK.
The welfare system in the UK was generous but it's being deliberately dismantled.
There are still people about who use "common" and "vulgar" to show disapproval.
Hardly anyone can spell "lose" .
I can stop pretending to believe men who say they're women. (I'm really grateful to AIBU and Mumsnet for that)

The grammar police. Dear God, they make me grind my teeth. "My husbands left us, my MIL hates me, we have no money and my dogs died"

'It is not correct to say you have no money. It would be better if you had written we haven't any money. Please remember this in future and pick up after your dog.'

People are literal:

OP: I could kill my DH/DC etc
Everyone else: That's illegal , you cant do that

No one ever understand expressions of frustration

I have learnt that mildly irritating behaviour from relatives should be dealt with by going "NC", similar behaviour from your husband should be dealt with by immediately "getting your ducks in a row", "sending him to his mother's", "changing the locks" and filing for divorce.

Appalling behaviour by strangers and distant acquaintances must be tolerated at all times as they may have a disability or mental health issue that you don't know about.

How to value myself as a woman more rather than following traditions. Some of my friends still put up with to much crap.

Just how many people seem to exist in a permanent state of being 'fuming' or 'devastated' or 'raging' about things. Nobody seems to just feel 'a bit put out' these days...

Plus you have to be brave if starting a thread in aibu. I do not start threads

That only your DH is supposed to talk to his family. (Still not sure why.)

Noticed that a lot of posters don't get much support, some get a lot and it often seems to depend on how well they write.

Boundaries. I always thought I had strong ones but on AIBU I've learned that it's alright to just refuse stuff and not explain myself or apologise.

A lot of the 'boundaries' stuff is totally unrealistic though. In reality if a neighbour said 'would you be able to help me carry my shopping in from the car on Thursday' and you just said 'no' with no other explanation, you would look like a right weirdo. Ditto if MIL says 'would it be alright for us to pop in the day after you get home from hospital with your new baby?' and you just say 'no', you are going to look like the rude one.

Never, ever start a thread about food as apparently anything less than organic kale and homemade organic hummus warrants your child being taken by SS. Oh, sorry, and a low sugar, low fat, vegan, gluten free Cake should only be a treat reserved for birthdays. Until they're 10. After that, birthdays are for children and should never be celebrated after double digits.

How many people will dump friends, tell lies, resent their DHs, leave jobs, go NC with their families and jump through any number of hoops just to avoid having a fairly brief honest and open conversation with someone about an issue.

I genuinely find it astonishing.

I’m slightly fed up at the number of times

That Mumsnet is a permanently amazing place where candid and funny women with rock-solid advice and intelligence post in the same place as people who, in their posts, are essentially describing an entirely imaginary self with more success, better boundaries, and stronger ethics.

That someone will always be offended. I’ve actually found that very liberating. I always worried so much about hurt feeling and offending people that I was a nervous wreck in conversation with new people and acquaintances. And then I would unwittingly offend someone and feel terrible about it. Now I see it is utterly unavoidable and just get on with life. If someone is so poorly adjusted they can’t handle basic conversation then that’s really on them. It has been eye opening though to see just how many people believe every word of every conversation is a personal dig at them. Oh well. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Never to post there.

If you suggest going out to dinner to a group of friends, this means you have invited them and therefore you have to pay for everyone!

If you suggest going out to dinner to a group of friends, this means you have invited them and therefore you have to pay for everyone!
Ha that's true!!

Also people get offended if they don't get invited to the day ceromany of a wedding so they refuse to go to the evening do.
Don't tbey realise that people can still be your friend and want you around but you can not be in everybody's inner circle and friendship group. It always make a me laugh when i see people getting uppity over that!!!

DolorestheNewt spot on.

I'll never be a saint - but I do find myself thinking twice now

This.

Not all disabilities are visible.

That some people don't like it if you go to the counter in a self-service cafe while your DH and kids find a table. I really had no idea this was a thing and thought everyone did it ;)

A lot of people have really bad reading skills.

That sugar is more dangerous than crack
That I need to buy a pearl necklace so I can clutch it
If you drink more than one glass of wine a week you're clearly a raging alcoholic in denial

However, I have also seen so much support for people on here. So, in general, I think MN (even aibu) can actually be really helpful for people going through difficulties in their lives

Dolores