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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want to have guests stay over?

35 replies

overthehills100 · 09/10/2018 17:12

Namechanged as this is quite outing. I am currently doing a short term placement overseas for work. I’m now living in a city that is popular to visit - think Amsterdam/Paris/Rome.

A lot of friends/family have expressed interest in visiting me but me and DP are currently living in a studio flat. I’ve said to people that whilst I would absolutely love for them to come out, they really wouldn’t be able to stay with us as there is literally no room other than a gap next to our bed which you could just about fit an air bed in. But everyone just keeps saying things like ‘oh I really wouldn’t mind sleeping on the floor for a few nights’... Am I being a massive cow to not want people sleeping right next to me for a few nights? I’m so grateful that people would like to come and see us but I’m quite a private person and it sounds like my worst nightmare...

OP posts:

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 09/10/2018 17:14

Do you think they mean it?

CottonSock · 09/10/2018 17:15

No way.. maybe research some nearby hotels for them

Burlea · 09/10/2018 17:16

God no you are not BU, we have 2 spare rooms and apart from the grandchildren we don't want anyone to stay. Like you we value our privacy.

Pashazade · 09/10/2018 17:16

If be very surprised if anyone actually turn up. In my experience people are all talk in these situations. However you are absolutely not being unreasonable. They can use Airbnb. Studios are not designed for visitors!

DPotter · 09/10/2018 17:17

It's not just the sleeping arrangement though is it? It's having enough chairs around a table, armchairs, bathroom space. I'm not keen on the idea of listening to other people's snoring!

Find a hostel or cheap hotel / b&b / airbnb to near where you live and get them to book it.

HenryInTheTunnel · 09/10/2018 17:17

This would be my idea of hell and i would not allow it! They can stay in a hotel!

crosstalk · 09/10/2018 17:19

OP Just tell them there's absolutely no room but lots of great AirBNBs. Don't waste headspace on it.

MemoryOfSleep · 09/10/2018 17:19

I think it's quite cheeky when people do this tbh. Yanbu.

JessieLemon · 09/10/2018 17:21

Just be firm.

“Oh it’s fine I don’t mind sleeping on the floor”

“You can’t stay with us. Here’s a couple of hotels nearby with pretty good reviews. I look forward to it!”

ApolloandDaphne · 09/10/2018 17:21

You genuinely don't have enough space. Tell them you would love to see them but they will need to sort out their own accommodation and leave it there.

JessieLemon · 09/10/2018 17:21

Or if you want to be a little gentler initially

“oh I really wouldn’t mind sleeping on the floor for a few nights”

“There’s no floor space to host you with. Here’s some hotels etc”

SpoonBlender · 09/10/2018 17:23

YANBU. As pps, tell them they're welcome to visit (if they are!) but can't stay over.

Aquamarine1029 · 09/10/2018 17:24

"Sorry, staying in our flat is not possible. There are many excellent hotels right near by."

Repeat as necessary.

Italiangreyhound · 09/10/2018 17:27

Completely agree with crosstalk

"OP Just tell them there's absolutely no room but lots of great AirBNBs. Don't waste headspace on it."

If you want to see them encourage their looking into B and Bs.

Even this may Bevan intrusion as it will require you to ear out with them etc, which you may not be able to do/ afford to do.

If you don't want to see them I'd just say no space. Don't mention the space by your bed or the floor or the bread bin! Just say no space.

MargotLovedTom1 · 09/10/2018 17:27

Would be interesting to see if they just had to see you if you were living in the French/Dutch/Italian equivalent of Wigan (no disrespect to Wigan). They're after a cheap trip to a tourist destination. Just stand your ground. The ones who really want to visit you will pay for accommodation.

Italiangreyhound · 09/10/2018 17:28

eat out

Almondio · 09/10/2018 17:29

Not unreasonable at all! I don't mind having visitors, even though it means teen DCs sharing and everyone shuffling around, but I do draw the line at one relative who always wants to sofa surf (spare bedroom always occupied by other relative) in open plan house, usually at Christmas. They say 'oh it's okay, I dont mind!' Maybe...but I do mind! No no no nooo nonononooooooo. Too much!

0nTheEdge · 09/10/2018 17:30

I'm pretty sociable but would not like this. I'd welcome visitors but give them a link to nearby accommodation, explain there is no room at ours but would definitely meet up for dinner or something. It would be a very firm no for guests in a studio flat. Heck no

specialsubject · 09/10/2018 17:30

even if you had enough space, saying 'no' to guests is still allowed. Amazing how people who drop ££££ on all sorts of fripperies won't pay for a bloody hotel!

Puzzledandpissedoff · 09/10/2018 17:31

I’m so grateful that people would like to come and see us

Before being too grateful, you might want to consider if they'd be so keen to come if you were in an unattractive town in the middle of nowhere

Everyone I know in your position has the same problem; it starts off with closer folk then spreads until you're getting requests from people you barely know

They've all learned to say no and offer hotel suggestions instead now ... at which point the keenness to come usually dries up

Rainbunny · 09/10/2018 17:34

You sound like you must be more polite than me as I would have no difficulty shutting down any such requests! Simply explain that you are working so you are tired and need to relax in the evenings, you are a light sleeper and having other people essentially sleeping in the same room as you would disturb your needed sleep. I can't believe you have friends/family who wouldn't understand that!

BMW6 · 09/10/2018 17:35

They are only after a freebie OP so don't hesitate to just say "Absolutely no chance of staying at ours, but here's a list of local accommodation if you want to come and visit"
Those who genuinely want to see you will book accordingly. The rest can get to fuck.

Don't be surprised if some wankers just turn up at your door with a smile - total CF ers who expect to brazen it out. Don't be persuaded........

Returnofthesmileybar · 09/10/2018 17:36

I don't mind sleeping on the floor for a few nights response: We do mind, it's for our own comfort too. We have said no to everyone else so won't be making exceptions

TaintforTheLikesOfWe · 09/10/2018 17:47

But they would only be coming because they are getting free digs somewhere they want to travel to surely? Unless it is a really good friend that would do the same to you or you absolutely know they want to see you for you, filter the buggers out by saying hotel or BnB only. They will soon fall away. CFs

Bluetrews25 · 09/10/2018 17:49

Do you think that they hope that 'don't mind sleeping on the floor' really means 'But I know you will offer to give up your bed for me as a lovely host would do' ?

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