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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Splitting assets after a split

45 replies

Greenkit · 08/10/2018 13:47

Facts

My husband and I have been together for nearly 30 yrs

We have three children 29/22 and 20

We own our own 4 bed home, worth about £350 and just under £100.000 to pay on the mortgage

We have three dogs and a cat

We both work, I earn around £26.000 and he earns £40.000

His father owns a house, paid out right which is worth £350.00 and will be split between husband and sister when he passes (I love my FIL and so I’m not wishing him to pass for a long time, he is 86yrs)

We have our own cars

We have always paid the house bills/mortgage down to middle. I have always worked, even when the children were small.

When we got on the house market, we bought our first house off my mum for about £10.000 less than it was worth; one was because we couldn’t afford more and two it was a little something for me to start us off.

Right, I don’t love him anymore and have suggested we split, what is a fair way to divide the assets and would I be entitled to any of his inheritance when his father passes, if so how much?

I haven’t added any feelings in the above post, so may come across and cold hearted.

OP posts:
AjasLipstick · 08/10/2018 13:52

I don't think you can take your exes possible inheritance because it could disappear if your FIL needs to go into a home.

You wouldn;t be entitled to his inheritance OP. If his father dies and leaves the house to a man you're no longer married to, then why on earth would you get a share?

Your assets are what you have now.

I would say that if your ex is nice, given he earns a lot more, then you should get more than him on your property but otherwise, it would probably be half each.

LakieLady · 08/10/2018 14:02

I'd pay for a 30-minute appointment with a solicitor and get their advice.

The basic starting point is 50/50, but if it went to court, the judge would take into account any loss of potential income arising from you taking a career break when you had the children.

You also need to look at your respective pensions provision, as that should be equalised on divorce by a pension sharing order. If you both agree, and you need more capital, you could get a greater share of the equity now in exchange for not taking a chunk of his pension.

Don't forget to offset any credit card or other debts, and any savings held in individual names as well as jointly held.

Go and see a solicitor, armed with things like bank statements, mortgage statement, latest pension statements for both of you. They should be able to give you a rough idea of the least and most you could reasonably expect if it went to court, which will give you an idea of the level at which to open negotiations.

I'd try and avoid it going to court if you can. It's hugely costly. My ex's legal bills were in the region of £20k for a relatively straightforward financial order (no kids, no career break, just the house, his savings, my debts, plus pensions), and I had to represent myself because I couldn't afford a solicitor.

LakieLady · 08/10/2018 14:04

Afterthought: although I stood to inherit a few grand from my mum, who had died a year or so before we went to court, it wasn't taken into account because my brother wouldn't sign the paperwork and was sectioned at the time.

Original poster
Greenkit · 08/10/2018 14:05

Thank you
What about the money my mum gifted me at the beginning?

OP posts:
Snappedandfarted2018 · 08/10/2018 14:09

It’s extremely grabby and in poor taste to go after his df potenital inheritance! The man hasn’t even passed away for a start and when he does you might be divorced. The money you’re dm gifted by knocking off the 10k might be hard to prove would need evidence of this. As for everything else I would say a 50/50 split as you’re dc are adults.

Bluebell9 · 08/10/2018 14:09

Inheritance will not be included in the split., even if your FIL dies before you divorce, unless its put into the family home ie to pay off the mortgage.

The money you were gifted/given the house at a reduced price for will be considered as joint as it went into the family property.

PickledChutney · 08/10/2018 14:10

So your Mum ‘gave’ £10k 30 years ago and you want to make sure you get it all back? So you want £5k more than your ex? Really? Sounds a bit petty after 30 years together tbh. And no, you wouldn’t be able to claim any of his inheritance. Sounds like he’s well rid tbh.

Snappedandfarted2018 · 08/10/2018 14:11

PickledChutney The money didn’t gift the money she knocked it off the asking price of their first home they bought together.

Defrack · 08/10/2018 14:13

How granny going after the inheritance. I'm sorry but that's low.

If all your kids are adults I would go for a 50 50 split, keep it civil.

Sirzy · 08/10/2018 14:14

Surely the money from your mum was a gift to both of you so I can’t see that being taken into account at this point.

AjasLipstick · 08/10/2018 14:14

it does seem a tad tawdry doesn't it Pickle?

Defrack · 08/10/2018 14:14

Grabby I meant

Firesuit · 08/10/2018 14:26

On the available facts I think it might be fair for them each to keep any savings (including pensions) they have in their own name and to split the equity in the house 50:50. (I'm not saying this is what the law would do, I'm saying it's what I would want/agree to, in this situation.)

Firesuit · 08/10/2018 14:28

I agree that the 10K and the inheritance can't be taken into account.

I'm of the view that if he earned more money over a period of 30 years that's an argument as to why he should walk away with more than half. Though I won't hold my breath waiting for Mumnet or any divorce lawyer to agree with me. (Can you tell that I'm the higher-earner in my relationship?)

Feellikeimthemaid · 08/10/2018 14:29

There are several factors that would be taken into account when you divorce, including your incomes and earning potential (Google Section 25 Factors). If you've been together a long time, an inheritance could possibly be put 'in the pot' to be split, but only if your FIL passes before you divorce, not after. That's assuming he hasn't set up a bloodline trust in his will. All financial settlements are different and based upon the circumstances of the individuals divorcing, so there's no simple answer to your questions OP.

Bluelady · 08/10/2018 14:35

If I were in your situation I'd be thinking long and hard about splitting up. You're going to end up with £125k before selling costs from your house sale. Unless you live somewhere very cheap, that won't buy you another property.

Expecting a share of an inheritance from someone who isn't even dead is unreal.

Original poster
Greenkit · 08/10/2018 14:39

Yes I know it sounds 'Grabby' but im just asking the question, putting all the ducks in a row so to speak.

I would like a 50/50 split and then something to say we don't have a claim on each others pension etc.

We don't have savings so to speak and no debts except the house.

I am going to move out for 6 months while he lives in the house, then I would like to sell it.

OP posts:
Defrack · 08/10/2018 15:52

Sort if I sounded judgemental.

I think a 50 50 split would be best and that remaining civil is extremely important. Even though your kids are adults you are both still their parents and they may have family events where you are both needed or wanted so being civil and not rocking the boat by demanding extras is important in my mind.

Defrack · 08/10/2018 15:53

Agree with the above poster though, what are housing costs like in your area? And would you be willing to take on a morgate again?

Because 125k after paying off the mortgage may not go far.
Also who will pay the morgate while yourenjot living their. Make him pay it all or still pay it as it's the family home and you want claim to it?

Babyroobs · 08/10/2018 15:56

I'm quite shocked by what you've written about the inheritance. Firstly there is no guarantees of inheriting money, what if your fil needs nursing home care and his house has to be sold ? Your dh may get very little. Even if your dh inherits half the house money then unless that happens before you divorce him you wouldn't see a penny of it.

Willyoujustbequiet · 08/10/2018 16:33

If you have earnt less over the years due to the lions share of childcare etc. And the impact on your career then no way should you go for 50/50.

Original poster
Greenkit · 08/10/2018 17:12

I have always earnt less, but paid half, bills, mortgage, furniture, food, stuff for the kids etc

We will have to discuss the furniture and splitting it or paying something towards it, if one person wants it and possibly selling/binning the rest

For those who mentioned the inheritance, DH stands to receive £150.000 maybe more as he wants to give his sister less (£100.000) as she is a drinker and will spend it all, and anyway she doesn't need it as she lives in her husbands house (his words)

I wanted to ask for £150.00 from the house sell as he will have money coming in later

OP posts:
Snappedandfarted2018 · 08/10/2018 17:32

Still grabby meantion to go after his inheritance the man hasn’t even passed away it’s nothing to do with you and you’re dh might not even receive any money if he requires nursing care. You sound like a gold digger who’s out to get as much as you can even you’re poor elderly FIL who hasn’t been passed away! Biscuit

HellenaHandbasket · 08/10/2018 17:35

But if you have been paying the mortgage, surely that muddies the waters in terms of ownership? Definitely solicitor time.

averythinline · 08/10/2018 17:40

Why are you moving out? that seems not a good idea as you will be paying rent and still liable for mortgage even if you are not paying it ...can he afford to pay it all?
he may decide not to sell in which case it will take ages - not saying it wint happen but is not likely to happen.....if this is your only asset I would be concerned about protecting that - and will you be able to get somewhere with half... you really need to take advice on this as his pension may well be muc more valuable if he had always been a higher earner...