AIBU to not want to go to sisters 50th?

[IndieTara]

My sister is 50 in a month or so and her DD has arranged a surprise party for her.
I don't really want to go. Big raucous parties aren't really my thing. Plus it's an hours drive each way.

Also if I'm honest I'm still smarting that she let me down when it was my 50th a couple of yrs ago.

For context both mine and DSis birthday are the same date.

I organised a smaller event for my own 50th at my youngest sister's house and DSis said she couldn't make it as she had plans with her DC's

No problem I was fine with that . A month or so later she called and said she'd changed her plans specifically so she could spend my birthday with me at my event.

Fast forward to my birthday and she didn't show up on the night. I then found out she'd text my youngest sister to say she wasn't coming as she'd decided to go to a family BBQ being held by a second cousin. But hadn't tried to text or call me to let me know.

DSis has form for this sort of thing and until a couple of yrs ago always forgot to send me a birthday card despite having the same birthday date herself. I always send her a card.

She is my sis and I do love her but I don't want to go to this party. ( and neither does youngest sis and her family ) I know the family probably won't understand and her DD who is organising prob won't either.

Youngest sis and I usually spend my birthday together with her family and my DD and we always enjoy it as the kids have a great time together.

Am I being AIBU? Should I just swallow it and attend?

No it's your birthday as well, do what you want. It doesnt sound as if your sister will care anyway.

No don't go if you don't want to. I suspect your sister won't actually care, it doesn't sound like you like each other very much anyway!

Is she someone who has to be the star of the show? It sounds like she doesn't like sharing her birthdays. I don't think you can use the distance as an excuse/reason but you can say 'you have made other plans'.

I definitely wouldn’t go, nor would I feel bad!

It's pretty easy to get out of, you have he same birthday and you've already made plans for that on that date.

Don’t go - it is your day organise your own celebrations.

Send a card with your good wishes.

@PrivateDoor we do like each other honestly but we don't live close to each other so don't see each other very often. But when we do we get on well.

In all honesty I would do what you usually do and spend it with your youngest sister.

If you both should decide to go to your other sister's 50th, then ok - but if you both decide not to then also fine.

She wasn't that bothered about turning up to your birthday, so I wouldn't think she's be that bothered about you not going either - but I would make sure you let your niece know ahead of time.

Do you think she was hurt not to be considered more during the planning and for your party? Perhaps she felt it should be joint at the time?

If it were me, I would go for one drink very very early and then go one to do what I wanted to do. That way you won't spiral into a tit for tat situation.

*on

If you generally like her (love her?) and get on then yes you should swallow it and go. 50 is a big deal and it hurt you when she didn't turn up to yours. Don't do the same thing to her.

An hour's journey is nothing.

@Snowymountainsalways no I honestly don't think she felt that way at all. But it isn't something I'd considered so thank you for the perspective

I'd decline saying you have plans for your own birthday, but maybe you could catch up properly another time.

I don’t know if she’s got a leg to stand on. She didn’t go to yours!

However if you do love her, why not tell her you’ll take her out for a meal another time as a present?

Do you want to have an ongoing relationship with your sister and your niece or are you willing to make a stand on this and allow it to write the introduction to the next chapter??

I'd feel a bit bad for your niece though who probably thought she could count on family to turn up to the party.

I agree with Forgiveness. What you're planning to do is tit for tat. Childish. Unfair on your niece, especially as you've enlisted your younger sister to your cause, so that there will be two sisters missing from a family occasion.

@Thymeout I haven't enlisted my younger sister. She contacted me to say she didn't want to go. I'd just been thinking along the same lines but hadn't mentioned it.

My sister is free to do as she wants, she doesn't answer to me.

Plus I'm not thinking of doing it because it's tit for tat. That could just be seen as the outcome

You should go. You'd be teaching her a lesson on how to behave. My sister did same to me. I still went to hers.
Keep your standards high even if hers are low.

your birthday being the same day is a perfect reason not to go so make arrangements for yourself.
I wouldn't say you cant go due to distance an hour really isn't that far.

I was going to say you should make the effort until I read what she did on your 50th. If you think you might have a nice time catching up with family then go if you won't enjoy it don't make the effort - it's your birthday too.

I think you should go, for a short while at least.

I don't like big raucous parties, but your niece is trying to do a nice thing for her mother so for her sake I would make an appearance.

I probably would feel the same as you OP. The only thing that would stop me from not going is not wanting to upset my niece who has gone to the trouble of organising the party. Do you think she would mind if you didn't show?

Be the bigger person this time, because really when all is said and done she is your sister and it will be sad if both her sisters are not there (and celebrating elsewhere without her)