AIBU to not want to go to sisters 50th?

[IndieTara]

My sister is 50 in a month or so and her DD has arranged a surprise party for her.
I don't really want to go. Big raucous parties aren't really my thing. Plus it's an hours drive each way.

Also if I'm honest I'm still smarting that she let me down when it was my 50th a couple of yrs ago.

For context both mine and DSis birthday are the same date.

I organised a smaller event for my own 50th at my youngest sister's house and DSis said she couldn't make it as she had plans with her DC's

No problem I was fine with that . A month or so later she called and said she'd changed her plans specifically so she could spend my birthday with me at my event.

Fast forward to my birthday and she didn't show up on the night. I then found out she'd text my youngest sister to say she wasn't coming as she'd decided to go to a family BBQ being held by a second cousin. But hadn't tried to text or call me to let me know.

DSis has form for this sort of thing and until a couple of yrs ago always forgot to send me a birthday card despite having the same birthday date herself. I always send her a card.

She is my sis and I do love her but I don't want to go to this party. ( and neither does youngest sis and her family ) I know the family probably won't understand and her DD who is organising prob won't either.

Youngest sis and I usually spend my birthday together with her family and my DD and we always enjoy it as the kids have a great time together.

Am I being AIBU? Should I just swallow it and attend?

I'd find another way to punish your sister that doesn't affect your niece. She's the one I feel sorry for and the one I'd actually go for

She didn't even have the decency to tell you she wasn't coming to your 50th and was a no-show.

Don't reward shitty behaviour. Tir for tat behaviour would be being a no-show at her 50th. If you RSVP and tell the niece you can't make it, you're already a better person than your sister was to you.

People are rushing to feel sorry for the niece, but I'd be asking how old is she and why didn't she attend her aunt's 50th birthday two years ago.

I would of course let my niece know well beforehand if I wasn't going.
I haven't actually accepted the invite anyway ( it's online )

@Havaina she is 25

It does sound like there is a resentment situation going on.
You don't see her anyway that much, is it really too much to ask to go to her 50th for a few hours for the sake of the younger cousins? And to take a step towards more harmonious relationships in the future, rather than taking a step further away from that?
Your niece may not quite understand why two of her mother's sisters are choosing to have their own alternative party elsewhere.
You are annoyed with your sister for being a bit flaky and not sensitive enough to your needs, but you'd happily hurt others in your attempts to punish her.

I would struggle to love a sister who treated me the way yours treats you, OP. I don't accept behaviour like that - and it's probably why it doesn't happen to me very often.

@Seaweed42 Ouch!

None of this is to punish her or anybody else.

Possibly I'm putting too much importance on my being there anyway. It's not my big birthday and PP's May have a point that she possibly won't be overly bothered if I'm not there.

I think it just feels bigger because our birthdays are the same day.

Don't go, and stop sending cards. Helps with the resentment.

@DoAsYouWouldBeMumBy it's generally accepted within the family that sis is 'flaky' as one other poster put it.

I wouldn't bother going if I were you OP, your sis has hardly been considerate about you has she?

You say she's only just started sending a birthday card (the last couple of years), well I'd be thinking she's only started recently sending them because her 'big' birthday is approaching. She's had years to remember your birthday previously, but she hasn't acknowledged it.

And to think she decided to go to a random family bbq instead of celebrating with you, well this says it all. Also, her dd would've been 23? when it was your birthday, as a pp said, why didn't she see you on your 50th.

My motto is, treat people as they treat you!

Op, you say you love her and you get on well. Go to her party for that reason. Don't dwell on the past. She was wrong to miss your party - let that be on her conscience.

You turning up will prick her conscience but I bet she'll be chuffed if you do turn up.

I've seen family feuds created over situations like this.
You're in your 50s, not 25, and as the oldest sister you'd be showing the rest of your family how to act graciously.

She didn't bother, and went to something else at the very last minute. She doesn't care! Why should you?

Rockandrolling

My motto is do as you would be done by.

Op - sorry. It still looks to me like two sisters ganging up on the other one. There will come a time, if it hasn't already, when the family will have to pull together to cope with elder care, bereavement etc. Build bridges, not walls.