AIBU?
Child Maintenance
BloodyNightmare · 08/10/2018 07:50
I've name changed for this, know I'm not being unreasonable, but looking for a little help.
DS is 13, his dad has paid £50/month for about 5 years.
I recently put a claim into the CMS as I thought I needed to put DS first and start claiming what he deserves. The money goes into his ISA, to be used when/if he hopefully goes to university.
When the claim went in, DS's dad lost his job, he started work again in August and CMS recalulated and the first payment was due in October. It was calculated at £250/month.
DS's dad left a message to say he had increased the payment to £75 but simply couldn't afford what they were asking.
I don't want to have a call with him, because it just turns into a load of woe betide me crap that really frustrates me. I have had enough over 13 years of the excuses and listening to how bad his life has been, so I want to send a message that tells him that the figure from CMS is non-negotiable, but I can't seem to not sound like a bitch when I type something out.
I want to appear reasonable, if I go in all guns blazing, I don't doubt he'll loose his job again and it'll be pointless.
I also want to give him the chance to actually pay the right figure without doing the collect and pay which will cost him a lot more.
InstagramPork · 08/10/2018 07:52
Who cares if you sound like a bitch?!!
He has been massively underpaying you for years!!!
He needs to support his child
7yo7yo · 08/10/2018 07:53
Let the CMS do the talking. This is for your child.
Disgusting piece of crap who doesn’t want to pay for his child.
InstagramPork · 08/10/2018 07:53
Say “this is the figure, you either pay it voluntarily or it will be taken direct from your wages which will cost you more. Your choice”.
It’s 12% of his income FGS. How much of your money goes on your son? A lot more than 12% I bet.
Thisreallyisafarce · 08/10/2018 07:55
So he was paying £50 when he - clearly - could afford £75?
I would just say, look, I am sorry but this is no longer anything to do with me. The calculation is made by the CMS and you need to take it up with them.
MinorRSole · 08/10/2018 07:55
There's nothing bitchy about it - the figure isn't calculated by you. For years he has paid not much more than a tenner a week for his own child. It's a disgrace.
Just send a short message saying that the figure calculated is the legal minimum he is required to pay based on his earnings. It's not a new idea, he's just being a massive cf deadbeat.
BloodyNightmare · 08/10/2018 07:58
The thing about not being a bitch, is because he will lose his job to spite me. That is the type of person he is.
Wheresthel1ght · 08/10/2018 08:00
I wouldn't accept £75 if £250 is the cms evaluation. Tell him you are prepared to take less but he needs to be reasonable and get nearer the cms figure
MemoryOfSleep · 08/10/2018 08:02
He may well lose his job to spite you, but the benefits system doesn't allow for a particularly high standard of living. I daresay he'll get fed up and get another job before long.
Feefeetrixabelle · 08/10/2018 08:03
Tell him I’m afraid it’s out of your hands as the cms set the minimum not you.
I also wouldn’t worry too much about saving it all. Prioritise his costs now.
MinorRSole · 08/10/2018 08:04
I'd just let him quit his job if that's the way he wants to be. He's damaging his future earning potential and being stupidly short sighted but that's his problem to deal with. You won't be significantly worse off if he loses his job but he will be.
Thatstheendofmytether · 08/10/2018 08:09
Say “this is the figure, you either pay it voluntarily or it will be taken direct from your wages which will cost you more. Your choice”.
^this
He needs to get a grip and pay for his child. Not your problem.
Everytimeref · 08/10/2018 08:10
Can you compromise?
Yes he should have been paying more but equally you could have requested the CSA to calculate the amount much earlier.
Why not suggest a gradual increase over a period of time to allow him to adjust his finances.
Thisreallyisafarce · 08/10/2018 08:11
Forget whether you are being a bitch or not. For years he has paid a FIFTH of what he should be paying as the legal minimum. Now he wants to pay less than a third of that sum. Who is paying the rest? You! Don't be a mug.
LilMy33 · 08/10/2018 08:11
What a tight-fisted selfish cunt he is. Let CMS chase him for it. He’s had years to pay the correct amount and has only paid a measly £50 a month. He owes his child more.
Pompom42 · 08/10/2018 08:17
I suppose from his point of view he was paying £50 month now it's £250 a month so to him it must seem like a massive increase, 4 times more than the amount he was paying.
Tough. He should have been paying more al these years and he knows it.
Mine is the same, was paying £11 month told CMS they need to look into his earnings as he has changed jobs 4 times since we split. Now we get £49 month plus money off back pay what he owes so we now get £275 month. I bet he leaves his job too rather than pay it.
Pompom42 · 08/10/2018 08:18
Sorry meant to say was getting £11 week now upped to £49 week so £275 month
LilMy33 · 08/10/2018 08:22
Why should he be allowed time to “adjust his finances” when he’s saved himself literally thousands of pounds over the years? He’s been paying a fifth of the minimum amount he’s supposed to pay for his child. For years. He should have plenty of spare cash!
Findingdotty · 08/10/2018 08:25
Personally I wouldn't communicate with him just go through the official channels and get it sorted. He doesn't sound like he would listen to you and would just mess you around so just avoid months of that hassle. YANBU he is so don't worry about it. As all the PP have said, it's for your son not you.
Hidillyho · 08/10/2018 08:30
Just say ‘I’m really sorry but I simply cannot accept less than what CMS have stated. DS is costing more as he grows and I do not see that paying money towards your son is unreasonable’
£75 a month won’t even cover DS food, let alone anything else that people require
BloodyNightmare · 08/10/2018 08:35
I think a lot of the problem is he genuinely doesn't understand how much kids cost because he's never had to contribute.
You are all right, I will just message and face the consequences, whatever they will be. I will accept the amount he has paid this month but say next month it needs to be right, or I will let CMS know.
Thisreallyisafarce · 08/10/2018 08:42
Don't tell yourself he doesn't know how much kids cost, OP. He knows what rent is. He knows what gas, electricity, hot water and food cost. He has been giving you about £12 a week towards the cost of raising his child - he has been taking the piss.
CaMePlaitPas · 08/10/2018 08:54
This man clearly has no experience of how much teenagers cost. £75 a month?! More like £75 a week JUST on food shopping! Good luck OP, you and your son deserve this money.
Feefeetrixabelle · 08/10/2018 08:58
No don’t accept the lower amount. If he doesn’t pay in full contact cms. Don’t let him get away with it. Your son deserves better and he also deserves to see fathers paying in full for their children.
BloodyNightmare · 08/10/2018 08:58
You are totally right Thisreallyis
I don't struggle for money, I have a really low mortgage and am one of those people that is religious about turning lights off, not having the heating on until October and living within my means. I'm pretty frugal, I don't buy stuff I don't need, but make sure we have everything that we do. I know it's not my fault his Dad can't do the same, and I guess because I've never needed the money right now, I've never pushed it.
But DS has been talking a lot about University, and he has said he will stay at home and go local because he knows even with the maintenance loan he would struggle, hence the need to build up his savings. 5 years of £250/month is nearly £15000 - that will be a big safety cushion for DS when the time comes and would enable him to concentrate on studying instead of needing to work.
I just wish I hadn't been such a pushover and done it sooner :(
Feefeetrixabelle · 08/10/2018 09:02
Have you looked into what loans he’s actually entitled too? He may be over estimating what he actually needs- although it depends on his course and where his dream uni would be.
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