Child Maintenance

[BloodyNightmare]

I've name changed for this, know I'm not being unreasonable, but looking for a little help.

DS is 13, his dad has paid £50/month for about 5 years.

I recently put a claim into the CMS as I thought I needed to put DS first and start claiming what he deserves. The money goes into his ISA, to be used when/if he hopefully goes to university.

When the claim went in, DS's dad lost his job, he started work again in August and CMS recalulated and the first payment was due in October. It was calculated at £250/month.

DS's dad left a message to say he had increased the payment to £75 but simply couldn't afford what they were asking.

I don't want to have a call with him, because it just turns into a load of woe betide me crap that really frustrates me. I have had enough over 13 years of the excuses and listening to how bad his life has been, so I want to send a message that tells him that the figure from CMS is non-negotiable, but I can't seem to not sound like a bitch when I type something out.

I want to appear reasonable, if I go in all guns blazing, I don't doubt he'll loose his job again and it'll be pointless.

I also want to give him the chance to actually pay the right figure without doing the collect and pay which will cost him a lot more.

[Thisreallyisafarce]

You are still shortchanging yourself. It doesn't matter whether you needed the money or not - whatever raising your son has cost, you have paid it and he has been allowed to get away with it. You don't need to justify what you intend to do with his contribution!

[BloodyNightmare]

FeeFee we have looked at the loans, and at the current cost of Halls up and down the country, the loans these days barely cover the accommodation, which seems slightly crazy.

[kitkatsky]

@BloodyNightmare please stick up for yourself and your son. My ex hasn't paid anything for DD since she was 2. The CMS catch up with him and he leaves his job and goes cash in hand and threatens to take me to court for full custody of DD. I've decided it's not worth the stress anymore as I can afford her day to day needs and he does the Disney dad routine when he has her, but I'm so worried for her future around higher ed or financial stability. I wish I had your guts, genuinely x

[BeautifulBlue]

5 years of £250/month is nearly £15000 - that will be a big safety cushion for DS when the time comes and would enable him to concentrate on studying instead of needing to work

• tell your ex husband this ^

[BloodyNightmare]

@kitkatsky DS doesn't see his Dad, and he's never been a Disney dad either - he genuinely has been the most useless parent! I think when DS started talking about University, and I saw that actually he has thought about things like his future, it gave me a massive kick up the backside.

@BeautifulBlue I have told him exactly that. He has read but not responded to the message - I've said I don't expect the rest for October, but I do for November, and if it's not paid, I'll just pass it over to CMS.

Thank you all ... it's sometimes hard to see whether what you say/do is fair when you've been in a situation for so long and so biased with your thoughts