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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Annoyed with my brother and his girlfriend

51 replies

Purplerose99 · 07/10/2018 23:14

I'm having behaviour issues with my son at the moment. He swears, kicks, hits and spits at us. It's hard to deal with but I'm trying to sort that out with CAMHS. Today though my brother and his girlfriend were round and he swore at them. I told my son to stop but he didn't. My son then blurted out the dreaded C word Sad my brother took my son upstairs and put a little bit of soap in his mouth. Am I right to be annoyed that he done this! I dont believe in putting soap in a child's mouth! My mum done it to me and I swore I would never do that to my own children! My brother did this more then once and I felt awful for my son. I did try and stop it but my brother said he will never learn and made me feel like I had no control. Now I'm very upset and feel awful and sick that this happened. What do I say to my brother?

OP posts:
tinytemper66 · 07/10/2018 23:15

Fuck off is what you should say and then report him for assaulting your son!

MidnightAura · 07/10/2018 23:18

Why are you annoyed at his girlfriend?

Your brother shouldn’t have done it, not his kid to do that too.

cookiesandchocolate · 07/10/2018 23:19

How old is your son op

MacosieAsunter · 07/10/2018 23:20

How old is your son?

MacosieAsunter · 07/10/2018 23:21

He swears, kicks, hits and spits at us. and why is he doing this? Just to you or to anyone and everyone?

JellyBears · 07/10/2018 23:24

Your brother had no right getting involved like that.

Thatstheendofmytether · 07/10/2018 23:25

Why does your son do these things?

Nicknacky · 07/10/2018 23:27

What did his girlfriend do that annoyed you?

SandyY2K · 07/10/2018 23:28

I did try and stop it but my brother said he will never learn and made me feel like I had no control.

How did you try? Did your brother physically stop you?
How old is your son?

Original poster
Purplerose99 · 07/10/2018 23:29

Sorry forgot to mention his girlfriend did it too. We have no idea why my son is doing it at the moment. We have taken him to the GP but they won't help. We have to self refer to CAMHS. My son is 7. My son acts like this to family. It started out the blue really. Have spoken to school and they won't help either. My brother knows I don't agree with that as he told me to to do it and I said no that abuse! But his reply was oh but mum did it to us Envy

OP posts:
WelcomeToGreenvale · 07/10/2018 23:31

That's abuse. Your brother can no longer be trusted around your son. He did that ignoring your protests (if you said no, that should have been enough, please don't feel it's your fault if you did not physically attempt to stop your brother from doing this)

What did the girlfriend do? She's no more responsible for your brother's behaviour than you are. The fact is you are the child's mother and he should not have disciplined him in a way that you did not approve of, be that something small or actual physical assault like forcing soap into a child's mouth.

AtSea1979 · 07/10/2018 23:32

How old is your DS? Your brother was wrong but i’d be less inclined to overreact if your DS is 13 or not 3. Where has your DS learnt such horrible words? Mine were oblivious until late primary and certainly secondary before they heard C words.

cookiesandchocolate · 07/10/2018 23:33

That must be awful for you Op. but you also need to think about where those words are being learned and heard. Why is he behaving like this. It would be a safeguarding issue at school purely due to change of behaviour. Let alone the things he's saying and the aggression.

Glad you've got CAHMS involved. You need to be assertive going forward and take charge with your son.

Work with the school and get some behaviour plans in place. Find out what has triggered this behaviour too. Hope it works out. Tell your brother to fuk off

Original poster
Purplerose99 · 07/10/2018 23:34

I have 2 other sons also. They are fine. I have tried to sit my 7 year old down to talk and ask him if anything if happening at school or if he's worried about anything but he says no. We thought it might of been ADHD at first but he's not acting this way at school

OP posts:
Oswin · 07/10/2018 23:34

Two adults shoved soap in your sons mouth?
What the fuck. They would never be near me or my child again.

AtSea1979 · 07/10/2018 23:35

7 is still very young to hear such words and to know they are wrong. Has this been raised as a child protection issue? I’d be very worried. I understand you’ve been to CAMHS so it sounds like it’s being taken very seriously.

Hideandgo · 07/10/2018 23:36

This has started suddenly? I’d be looking very close at who your son is interacting with, and who has access to him until you get to the bottom of this sudden change in behaviour and also telling my brother he’s (and gf) not welcome after assaulting my son. He had no right to do that to s child.

BoomBoomsCousin · 07/10/2018 23:38

I disagree with using soap as a punishment so, obviously, I'm horrified at your brother doing this to your DS even as a one off. But I think there is a bigger issue with your brother here - that you tried to stop him and he carried on regardless. You really can't have him back in your house again if he has so little respect for you.

Original poster
Purplerose99 · 07/10/2018 23:38

I have asked my DS where he heard this awful word from and he says he doesnt know. School won't do anything until he starts acting out at school. Which I think is ridiculous! CAHMS will probably refer us to a parenting class which I'm happy to go to if it helps me to help my son not to do this.

OP posts:
ReanimatedSGB · 07/10/2018 23:38

Has your brother - or your mother, for that matter - had unsupervised access to your DS in the past? You clearly grew up in a family of bullies, and they might have been bullying your son without your knowledge, hence his anger towards them.

Original poster
Purplerose99 · 07/10/2018 23:41

I honestly cry most nights wandering why my son is the way that he is because I haven't raised him to be this way. My other 2 sons haven't acted out like this. I have been made aware by my DS that the boy he's very good friends with at school swears and tries to take my DS lunch. I have spoken to the teacher about this and it apparently got sorted. I think I need to have another word with the head teacher

OP posts:
Teaandbiscuits35 · 07/10/2018 23:42

That’s awful! Do not leave your son alone with him again. Tell your brother he is not to touch your child again. What a terrible way to discipline a child who there is clearly an underlying issue with. I hope CAHMS give you and your son the help you deserve Flowers

Original poster
Purplerose99 · 07/10/2018 23:45

No He hasn't had any unsupervised visits with family members. The spitting he could of got from his Dad (we aren't together) I know his dad spits sometimes which obviously doesn't help.

OP posts:
Ohyesiam · 07/10/2018 23:46

Op, look up Hand in Hand Parenting, it’s really really useful with kids behaving like your son.

IStandWithPosie · 07/10/2018 23:47

Shock what did you do to stop them doing it? It obviously went on for a long time for them both to be able to do it a few times! Why did you allow that? Confused