AIBU to be pissed off about not being invited to a cousins wedding

[SuperMonster]

So- we're a close family- I'm 30 and still see all cousins regularly.
In July me and other cousins on this side of family were invited to - we'll call her Jenny- Jenny's hen do next year in Vegas!
They are due to book the hen do in November this year and not getting married until 2020.
Anyway- me and my sister responded we would like to come but will know for definite nearer time as depends ok budget.
Fast forward to last week and she has sent out save the dates - as my parents and aunties and uncles received them.
We have a group chat and one had sent a pic of the save the date and I said 'hey where's mine' - and only said this as I never imagine for one second I wouldn't be invited.
And her response was 'they are only for the day guests'
No explanation, no sorry etc etc.
Have been informed by another relative they are trying to cut costs as getting married in an expensive venue. Fabulous.
Aibu to assume I would have been invited to the day if invited to spend thousands of pounds going to Vegas for her bloody hen do!!??

That's horrible. Don't go to Vegas!

@ineedaholidaynow

I'm wondering whether she thought you would just like the fun stuff, so a holiday in Vegas and the party bit of the wedding. Whereas, she has to invite the older generation to the more serious part of the wedding (slightly clutching at straws there!)

That’s exactly what I thought as well. She may be fulfilling familial obligations to the older generation for the wedding and wants to party with cousins at night.

@cookiesandchocolate

Anyone who decides to marry in 2020 I.e 2 years time, didn't actually want to get married. I reckon it will get called off at some point

Erm, what? That’s just called proper planning and fiscal responsibility where I come from.

I definitely would not be attending the evening and I wouldn't bother sending a card or gift. She can jog on

Evening invites are for casual mates and people from work. A Vegas hen do but cutting costs on the guest list is poor form. It would be interesting to see who did make the grade.

So fucking rude. I hate this A and B list crap.

A hen do in Vegas would be my idea of hell on earth anyway.
Each to their own I guess.

Cousins being invited evening only wouldn’t surprise or bother me, but then DH has hundreds of them! So even though he’s close to them all there’s no way they could have been invited all day (his dad is one of 14 and his mum one of 8!).

If the couple have a lot of cousins between them it easily explains why they’d have aunts and uncles during the day and then cousins at night.

Me and my sister were once invited to the hen do and then just received evening invites to the wedding of a close friend of ours who explained she was having a small do due to tight budgets. We still travelled 400 miles and spent a lot of money to attend the evening do. What's more, the bride asked my sister, who's a musician, to organise a band to play at the marriage ceremony for free. My sister happily did this to help out a close friend (even though the bride refused to cover the band's travel costs or pay for their food in town - like us the band weren't invited to the reception).

My sister was also asked to sing at the evening do - she sung and played the piano for the father daughter dance and the first dance.

When we got to the evening do, we saw the reception had been a massive affair of at least 120 guests from the seating plan at the entrance (not a tiny do for just family that our friend had told us it would be). What's worse all the other hen party guests had been invited to the day.

We were very upset and my sister hasn't spoken to the bride since...and I definitely see her much less and only in group settings now. What most upset me was the fact that we were invited to the hen party. For me hens are for close friends and we felt used- invited for all the fun because we know how to have a good time but not good enough to actually be part of the day. It was also cheeky to ask favours from my sister that you'd only ask a close friend but then treat her like a casual acquintance. I spent a lot of money on that wedding & hen too.

I definitely wouldn't go to the hen. At least you know before spending the money. And I'd think seriously about going to the evening do. I think it's super poor form to invite people to the hen but not the wedding.

I do wonder if as pp wrote, the hen-party will be expected to cover the bride's costs for Vegas?. (The more the cheaper!)

I think she is being passive aggressive. You didn't immediately say yes to the hen do and in her mind you could have easily saved up if it's next year. So the non invite is an F you.

It will change your relationship. I had a similar thing with someone I thought was a close friend. Things were never the same again.

Is it the norm now to hold your hen do in a far away location a year before the wedding? I know there's a trend to have them a few weeks before the nuptials, but a year before? Seems a bit odd to me.

I'm with the rest - decline the hen and evening do and if you do send a present, make it the cheapest thing on the list. It's a shame some couples see having an extravagant showy wedding as more important that picking somewhere a bit less expensive and being able to share it with your nearest and dearest.

Not many takers I reckon for a week’s annual leave plus £1k + it will cost. Forget it - your sister & you should decline now for the hen do. I would still go to the evening do if it was local otherwise I wouldn’t bother.

Are the Vegas lot expected to chip in for the bride to be’s air fare etc?

Trouble is that even if you were invited now the whole thing would be tainted.

The consequences of her actions will never truly go away