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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To complain about my sister asking my parents for money?

31 replies

Pdubs84 · 07/10/2018 11:01

My parents turned up for their once every 6 weeks visit to see our 2.5 old and 8 month old daughters. 30mins in and my sister was on the phone to my mum asking to borrow £10 to pay for an Uber because they were late to a wedding!! My sister is younger, but late 20s none the less and her partner is in his 40s. My sister is often asking for money for rent etc, I don’t care much and stay out of it, but this was beyond the pale. I mentioned casually to my sister that surely it was okay to be late and borrowing £10 was a bit over the top. She said I didn’t understand as I’d married a rich husband and didn’t have to work. For context my husband is earning around 50k at the moment, I’m a trained teacher but with child care costs it’s easier for me to stay home whilst the kids are so young. I feel like people think I’m a loser for not working so this touched a nerve, but I can’t help thinking my sister is behaving atrociously and someone needs to have a word for my parents sake!

OP posts:
Looneytune253 · 07/10/2018 11:02

Your parents are adults let them deal with it. Honestly it’s none of your business.

Bombardier25966 · 07/10/2018 11:03

Assuming your parents are of sound mind, it's really none of your business.

ilovesooty · 07/10/2018 11:04

Unless your parents are vulnerable and lacking capacity I would think that they can have a word themselves.

HellenaHandbasket · 07/10/2018 11:04

What has it to do with you?

BrokenWing · 07/10/2018 11:06

None of your business.

MidnightAura · 07/10/2018 11:10

It’s not your business. You may not like it but it’s not your place to get involved.

A580Hojas · 07/10/2018 11:12

Yanbu. Your sister needs to sort herself out! It's ridiculous that she's sponging off your parents in her late 20s.

Padparadscha · 07/10/2018 11:15

Is it leaving your parents without, as in would helping your sister out mean they go without? Could you imagine yourself saying ‘no’ to money to one of your children in future.

To add, I can imagine it’s frustrating to watch your sister continuously ask for money, but ultimately if your parents can afford it, it’s none of your business.

Birdsinthesky · 07/10/2018 11:20

I've had a similar experience in my family. It's annoying seeing family members being grabby, but as others have said, not really your business. Ignore it, and just know that - even if they don't say anything - your parents really appreciate the fact that you don't do it!

Oysterbabe · 07/10/2018 11:22

I think it's none of your business too. I assume your parents are capable of saying no if they want. Just be grateful that you don't struggle to find a spare 10er and leave her to it.
I hope the wedding has a free bar.

UseditUpandWoreitOut · 07/10/2018 11:22

Is it okay to be late to a wedding?

Celestia26 · 07/10/2018 11:24

YANBU, she should be taking responsibility for herself at that age.

But it's none of your business OP sorry! Your parents are able to say no if they don't want to lend it.

Regarding being a SAHM, it is work. Hard work. Don't let anyone tell you any different.

AlexaShutUp · 07/10/2018 11:25

This is between your sister and your parents. In the nicest possible way, you need to keep your nose out of other people's business.

FruitofAutumn · 07/10/2018 11:28

It is none of your business

Original poster
Pdubs84 · 07/10/2018 11:30

Fair enough, I do generally keep out of it, it’s been going on a long time! But £10 to pay for an Uber to go to a wedding doesn’t sound that desperate and my mum seemed rattled! Just worried things are pretty messy and no idea how to navigate it! I’m hearing that I shouldn’t be involved so I’ll accept that. Thanks for posting!

OP posts:
AuntBeastie · 07/10/2018 11:31

Agree it’s none of your business and also it’s really not ok to turn up late to a wedding...

NameChangeMagee · 07/10/2018 11:31

Not your circus, not your monkeys

BUT I can understand why you find it annoying. Just make sure you don't become your sister's cash point in the future!

Myimaginarycathasfleas · 07/10/2018 11:33

Would piss me off too. Tell your parents just to get it off your chest, because otherwise it will continue to bug you. After that, leave well alone.

MaisyPops · 07/10/2018 11:34

YANBU.
Technically it's none of your business but there comes a point in life where basic adulting should mean not repeatedly asking for money from your parents to prop up ypur life choices (except in actually difficult situations).

Still I would imagine some will be along to tell you how comfortable you are, how mean you're being and it's totally normal for 20 somethings to get repeated handouts from their parents.

My friend has a sibling who is forever buying all sorts of extras but then expects bailing out at the end of the month. It irritates her but she never says anything because it's not worth the hassle.

AnneLovesGilbert · 07/10/2018 11:37

Did they say yes?

EK36 · 07/10/2018 11:37

I would stay out of it. It's up to your parents to say no.

LeftRightCentre · 07/10/2018 11:38

It's their money. YABU.

BrokenWing · 07/10/2018 11:42

Technically it's none of your business but there comes a point in life where basic adulting should mean not repeatedly asking for money from your parents to prop up ypur life choices

I don't think anyone will disagree with this, but if the sister is not being an adult then there comes a point in basic parenting where the parent starts saying no.

Still none of OPs business.

MaisyPops · 07/10/2018 11:47

I hear where you're coming from broken.
I think I'm seeing it through the eyes of my friend who's repeatedly had quality time, outings with her parents and DC interrupted etc by a sibling who hasn't cut the apron strings.

It has taken a bit of a toll on their sibling relationship because friend has started to feel a little resentful that they've worked hard and yet sibling doesn't take responsibility and has help for all sorts (E.g. rent deposits, car help, extra allowances to top up wages etc). When we went to uni most of us had part time jobs, but friends sibling didn't and was given an allowance from home. I can empathise with the OP if it's an ongoign situation.

thisneverendingsummer · 07/10/2018 11:48

YANBU obviously. And if it were the 20-something young woman on here stating that she begs money off her parents, she would have her arse handed to her on a plate.

Don't think there is a lot you can do about it though @Pdubs84

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