To ask what to do now that I’ve found vodka in my 16 year olds room?

[princ3ssconsuelabananahammock]

DD 16 went to a party and then sleepover last night and before she went she used the mop which I found odd. I went into her room after she left and could smell alcohol (so she’d clearly done a bad job of cleaning split vodka up). So, don’t slate me for this, I rooted through her drawers and found a half empty massive bottle of vodka. She’ll be back around 11. How do I punish her? Do you think she bought it herself, I don’t know who could buy it for her?

Be prepared for her to lie through her teeth about it if you confront her.

I'm astounded at these replies

I didn't drink alchohol under age, just had no interest in it at all, and now at 51, I still don't touch it

My DDs didn't either, none of the parents of their friends would have allowed it either. They didn't go to the park, because of moving about a bit, they actually had few friends to go out with, and because they're close in age they both had the same friends

Now at 27 and 25 neither of them drink any alcohol at all

It's not just a part of growing up

It's not just a part of growing up

It wasn't for you. But it was for many of us and you know what? I still drink good wine and spirits today and consider these one of life's pleasures.

do what you feel comfortable with op.
take it out of its hiding place
put it in the kitchen.
have a chat about being in control

Buy her some nice mixers

In all honesty just have a talk about it, it's all you can do really.

I’d take it, put it in full view on the kitchen worktop and prop a note on it saying

‘DD, let me know when you’re ready to have a chat about this. I love you xx Mum’

I did this with the packet of fags I found in DD’s (14) coat pocket (naturally she was ‘just looking after them for a friend’ 🤣😂).

By the way, I only found them as her coat was strewn on the floor in the hall and was looking grubby so decided to stick it in the wash and checked the pockets for tissues.

I'd use the opportunity to have a chat about having a healthy respect for alcohol. I wouldn't worry too much OP. As everyone else has said, it's the norm culturally, it's just a question of handling it.

I wouldn’t go in all guns blazing. I’d tell her to clean it up better in future. Have a chat about knowing your limits and maybe suggest cider or beer instead of hard spirits I drank vodka and whisky during my teens and the smell makes me sick now. I’m not even a drinker now.

I was 'allowed' to drink from the age of about 15 on the strict understanding that if I ever got drunk, lairy, missed curfew, etc. then it would be instant grounding and no chance of even a spritzer at Christmas.

I do believe that teenagers should be introduced to alcohol gradually and learn to see it as an occasional thing, instead of just letting them go wild on it at 18 without knowing any limits iyswim?

I'm going to disagree.

If the aim of the vodka is to transfer a bit to a container to take to a party and therefore save money, that's one thing.

If she's drinking for confidence before she goes out, that's another entirely. And that does happen, and is often the start of a problem with alcohol.

I found cans of cider in my son's room over the summer. He said it was for parties . I understand this. However, I made him move it to the shed, where we could both see it disappearing. Secretive drinking is a problem.

Around our way most 16 year olds do not drink or will have a couple of low-alcohol drinks provided at home or for a party at a house. If they have friends coming over their friends bring their own 2 bottles, provided by their parents. They will not have huge bottles of vodka, or be allowed to drink in the street or unsupervised.

Of course there are kids that do, and ds and his friends are aware of them but they are very much in the minority and their parents are trying to deal with it, but find it hard when their friends have "cool" parent who allow it. One girl ended up in A&E with bad burns, including to her face, after landing in a makeshift camp fire during a drinking session where they were all drinking vodka straight from a bottle.

After that talking to friends and work colleagues after that incident they were all the same and none of them have found booze stashed or had 16 year olds come home drunk.

It is NOT normal for a 16 year old to have a bottle of spirits without their parents knowledge and irresponsible drinking would not be condoned in our house.

She's 16, and she cleaned up after herself (well, to the best of her capabilities)! I wouldn't punish. Maybe give her a lesson on mopping and let her practice on the kitchen floor, and have a word about sensible quantities of alcohol for pre-drinks. She sounds like she's doing fine though, most of us did similar at that age.

My teenagers tell me the law on alcohol. Its actually not illegal for any age to drink in their own home. A 16yr old can legally drink in a pub if it's with a meal.
Agree with pp just educate her on safety and put the vodka in your booze cupboard for all to share.
Drinking srnsiblybfrom a young age removes the taboo and stops it becoming a big thing on your 18rh birthday

Fill it with water or even dilute it is a terrible suggestion. It could lead them to believe that you can drink loads of vodka and be OK.

Spring, it's illegal to give a child under 5 (I think) alcohol.

I would ignore it. At that age I was drinking vodka, all my friends were, and I am not a big drinker now. It honestly hasn't done me any harm.

By ignoring it you could monitor it and see how much she's drinking to work out if it's a problem.

I was tempted to say make yourself a Bloody Mary while you're waiting until DD gets home. (And was also going to suggest the replace it with water thing.) But really, just because a few dozen posters here didn't have a problem with teenage drinking, doesn't mean it's never a problem.
There is no shortage of stories about a carload of drunken kids crashing into a tree - or into another car. Not to mention assaults and drunken brawls.

The recovery forums are filled with stories written by middle-aged men and women who are totally screwed now, having started drinking as a teen - first at parties, then drinking every night, then even during the day.
Sounds cliché, but it's true.

Perhaps Mumsnet isn't the only forum where you should address your question.
Try this one:
www.soberrecovery.com/forums/

I drank as a teen at parties and went to clubs, and I survived just fine. But I wouldn't suggest to anyone that overall "it's no big deal" as even though many don't have any problems - there are many who do.

Don't let the dismissive replies belittle the issue, or lessen your concern in keeping your DD safe.

I like PillowOfSociety's post (10:49)

I'd let her know I found it and whilst I'm not happy and I won't be the one buying it for her I would want her to know she can talk to me and if it all goes wrong I'll be there for her.

YetAnotherSpartacus

It might have been normal for you, but it wasn't for me, my children or anyone I knew growing up

My friends and me just weren't interested

None of my family except my brother are or were drinkers

So how I ended up married to a drunken violent bully I don't know, one of the many reasons I'm divorced