Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think I can travel with a baby?

50 replies

KinderBueno5 · 07/10/2018 08:46

I'm due my first and am becoming more and more concerned about the fact that my baby has uncles and aunts that live on the other side of the country (about 4 hours travel by car).

During my maternity leave, I would like to visit once a month. It's a long drive and DH won't always be able to come with me.

AIBU to think this length of travel is okay? (We have a top notch car seat which lays flat and I would shop as much as I needed to).

AIBU to be concerned about having DC away from DH so much? I'm worried he's going to object to me being away from him with his DC too much.

My family are so important and his are just round the corner. I live with him and his daughter lives with us a lot of the time. His family are all around the corner so I'm conscious that he gets to see his family a lot and I don't. If I could move nearer them I'm sure we would but we can't move away from his daughter.

AIBU to just be overly concerned about my family being so far away?

Having a bit of a wobble...

OP posts:
Seniorschoolmum · 07/10/2018 08:49

My dp wouldn’t have minded.

Once the sleepless nights bite, I suspect your dh won’t mind because it will give him the chance of 8 hours uninterrupted sleep.

Can you travel by train? It would be safer than trying to drive for four hours when you are exhausted.

DayManChampionOfTheSun · 07/10/2018 08:51

I dont think yabu but I do think you will rethink the frequency after doing the trip a few times. I moved about 4 hours from some of my closest friends, although I love visiting them, due to how bloody far it is, the monthly visits are now about 4 times a year. It just gets too much and I don't even have dc yet!

Original poster
KinderBueno5 · 07/10/2018 08:51

@Seniorschoolmum the problem with train is that it would take a good 8 hours as my family are rural and it's a nightmare to get to them (three trains and a bus). I'm sure DH would come occasionally in which case he would drive, but won't be able to all the time as he works a lot.

OP posts:
Original poster
KinderBueno5 · 07/10/2018 08:52

Oh really? @DayManChampionOfTheSun - I drive there every other other weekend at the moment and it's no bother! I get to see my brothers/sisters/mum/Dad Smile totally worth it! But you're right it'll be very different with a baby!

OP posts:
Pissedoffdotcom · 07/10/2018 08:53

We do roughly once every 6 weeks for a trip of just under 5 hours. Works for us 🙂 you quickly get to grips with the logistics & if your family are hands on you can grab a power nap at the other end

GinIsIn · 07/10/2018 08:54

Is there any reason they can’t also come to you? Is that 4 hours away but staying over, or there and back on the same day?

Observatorycrest · 07/10/2018 08:56

I can see no reason why a monthly trip to visit family isn’t doable with a new baby. You will probably return home feeling a little more rested as your family will likely help a lot. The only issue would be if you had a C section then driving is an issue for the first 6 weeks...

Original poster
KinderBueno5 · 07/10/2018 08:56

@FenellaMaxwellsPony they can come to me but on a Friday-Sunday as they work. I grew up here so would travel Thursday-Monday and be able to spend much more time with them and see them all at the same time. I would also be able to see friends etc. It just makes far more sense as my family is huge and all in one place (apart from me) and logistically we couldn't have them all visit all the time (no spare rooms).

OP posts:
Original poster
KinderBueno5 · 07/10/2018 08:57

Oh if I had a c section I wouldn't drive until safe to do so (and would expect them to all visit me and book a b&b Grin)

OP posts:
SlackerMum1 · 07/10/2018 08:57

Just see how you feel at the time. DH was working for tbe first 6/7 months of my maternity leave (took a sabbatical for the second half) and I used to do this. Would regularly take DD down to stay with my mom Tuesday-Thursday. Really broke up the week for me, meant o got lots of extra help. And didn’t bother DH as he was working long hours plus commute so only really saw DD at the weekends anyway. He did get fed up with so little time with her which is why the sabbatical, at the time going to see my family made no difference. Only a 1h30 drive tho.

DayManChampionOfTheSun · 07/10/2018 09:05

It could be totally different in your situation KinderBueno5, I just got tired of it. Dp still lived there for a year into our relationship (we did long distance because I stupidly only realised what an awesome bloke he was 2 weeks before moving away) so I did the every other weekend to see him and he did the same vice versa on the train. Then we made the trip at least once a month for about 4 years. Now I am in a much more stressful job and work more hours than I did back then, the amount of visits have had to be reduced.

Tbh I also found the visits quite stressful as we would only have a day and a half and everyone had to be fitted in (including dps family) now I go down in secret hahahahaha

Crabbitstick · 07/10/2018 09:12

Just be aware that your 4 HR drive will easily turn into 6-8 hrs by time you stop for feeds, changes etc. My DS hated being in car when he was a baby, others will sleep for hours.
I think with anything with a new baby you need to be ready to be flexible and fit around what works for you and baby. Don't get too caught up in making plans just now.

BiggerBoat1 · 07/10/2018 09:17

I think once you've had your baby you'll rethink this. Routine is the number one for new babies to establish sleep patterns and driving them across the country isn't going to help with this. Up to you of course, but not something I would have done.

Ohyesiam · 07/10/2018 09:21

When mine were babies If i drove anywhere longer than an hour I’d do
It after their after their bedtime otherwise or the long sleep
In the day would stop them
Sleeping at night.

Booboostwo · 07/10/2018 09:23

It early depends on the baby. My DC1 was unputdownable, she howled as soon as you put her in the car seat so journeys were hell. We didn’t manage longer than the odd one hour trip when we really had to because her screams were really distressing to everyone - her included I imagine. I was also sleep deprived and sometimes couldn’t drive to the shops never mind four hours away. DC2 was much more chilled and slept in the car, but by then I as exhausted overall!

ZaphodBeeblerox · 07/10/2018 09:23

Once a month this sounds fab. Your DH and his DD can get some quality time too so she doesn’t feel ousted by the new baby. And its lovely to get pampered by your own family. As much as my ILs mean well it’s not the same as putting my feet up at my parent’s or sister and BiLs place

coconutpie · 07/10/2018 09:28

You cannot decide this until baby is here. Also a 4hr trio will be more like 5-6hr when you take into account stops etc. There's no way I would have been able to do a monthly trip alone or with DH as DC did not like the car.

Tallace · 07/10/2018 09:32

It depends on the baby. One of mine hated the car seat and screamed whenever he went in it but the other 2 were ok. I found it worse when they got to about 1 and were sleeping less. They would be ok for an hour or so then cried if they were in it after that.

mindutopia · 07/10/2018 10:19

It may be tough depending on what kind of baby you have, not because of the drive (that will probably be relatively easy), but because being away from home and having to cart the ten thousand things you might need with you and sleeping in a new place can be exhausting, even with a partner around to help. But the time apart will be fine. Your dh will probably be thrilled with several decent nights of sleep and a chance for the childfree time. I know we both would fall over ourselves to fight over who got to relax at home in peace if it was an option! Sadly, isn’t for me as I’m ebf and can’t get a night away. Might as well both make the most of it while you can.

TubbyTubster · 07/10/2018 10:43

Also bear in mind it’s not advisable to have a young baby in a car seat for longer than 2 hours at a time.

Justbeingnosey · 07/10/2018 10:53

You will be absolutely fine! I travelled at least once a month 4 hours away to visit family, from when my son was first born. Leave as much stuff up there as possible, leave a travel cot up there. I used to drive about 7 p.m. less traffic and son would sleep. Good luck

Emma145 · 07/10/2018 10:57

All my family are 2 hours away so not as far but I go at least once a month for a few days whilst I'm on maternity my oh doesn't mind he's at work anyway and gets a good sleep. As long as you stop when needed you will be fine :)

Original poster
KinderBueno5 · 07/10/2018 10:59

Thanks @TubbyTubster - I can't keep up with all the regulations! I would stop as a matter of course every two hours anyway as I have sciatica 😩

OP posts:
LegoMonkeys · 07/10/2018 11:08

You'll be fine. Car is much easier than train if you're on your own, how would you manage bags plus buggy plus baby?

Give it a go and you can always re-plan if it doesn't work. I think it'll be lovely to spend the time with your family, assuming your husband is ok with it.

Orlande · 07/10/2018 11:14

It would be doable occasionally, but not really fair on the baby to be regularly spending so long strapped into a car seat.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.