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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think I can travel with a baby?

50 replies

KinderBueno5 · 07/10/2018 08:46

I'm due my first and am becoming more and more concerned about the fact that my baby has uncles and aunts that live on the other side of the country (about 4 hours travel by car).

During my maternity leave, I would like to visit once a month. It's a long drive and DH won't always be able to come with me.

AIBU to think this length of travel is okay? (We have a top notch car seat which lays flat and I would shop as much as I needed to).

AIBU to be concerned about having DC away from DH so much? I'm worried he's going to object to me being away from him with his DC too much.

My family are so important and his are just round the corner. I live with him and his daughter lives with us a lot of the time. His family are all around the corner so I'm conscious that he gets to see his family a lot and I don't. If I could move nearer them I'm sure we would but we can't move away from his daughter.

AIBU to just be overly concerned about my family being so far away?

Having a bit of a wobble...

OP posts:

Original poster

KinderBueno5 · 07/10/2018 12:51

@Orlande really? Even just once a month?

OP posts:

Cookit · 07/10/2018 13:06

I wouldn’t have been able to.

My baby didn’t sleep well in the car. He screamed until he passed out and vomited pretty much every car journey.

Consequently, we avoided the car where poissble and rare big journeys we broke up with night stops in hotels en route and stops about every hour or so.

Celebelly · 07/10/2018 13:06

If it's a lie-flat seat that lies flat inside the car (Kiddy Evouna?) then the two hours thing doesn't apply. It's the incline of car seats that gives the two-hour recommendation.

Armchairanarchist · 07/10/2018 13:08

My niece has just brought her baby to our home town to be baptised at aged three months. They live in Australia.

Jackshouse · 07/10/2018 13:10

If you are bf then you may not manage it in the early days. DD would feed for 2 hours and then have a 15 min to 30 mins nap and then feed for another 2 hours.

Original poster

KinderBueno5 · 07/10/2018 13:30

@Celebelly it's the joie one which lays completely flat so when it's attached to a pram you have no limit on time spent in it. Same in the car.

OP posts:

littledinaco · 07/10/2018 13:33

It will depend on the baby, some are happy travellers others HATE it and it’s just not worth it. My first 2 were fine in the car and this would have been fine, my third just screamed on trips like this and it’s awful, I wouldn’t have wanted to put them through it unless there was no other option.

Also bear in mind as they get older lots of sleep in the car can disrupt how they sleep at night so you may need to rethink travelling times etc.

Don’t underestimate the ‘stop as much as you need to’. If you’re 5/10/15 mins away from a service station with a screaming baby it feels like a lifetime. The panicky helpless feeling when they cry and you can’t get to them is awful.
Then if you stop to feed (feed could take half an hour, change, feed again, get yourself food/drink, get baby back in car. Then they poo again. Then need feeding again!! Then they are sick and need changing. Then cry as you put them in and you think they might want feeding so get them out again! Etc etc). So if you stopped 2/3 times for an hour each plus the driving time. Then if you get stuck in traffic with crying baby. Plus driving with sleep deprivation. Sorry don’t want to sound all doom and gloom just you may not actually want to do it as often as you think.

Orlande · 07/10/2018 13:59

Kinder - I wouldn't do it that frequently with mine, no. It's not going to be a pleasant experience for the baby. A 4 hour journey would take forever with a small baby, they need to feed every couple of hours and just want to be in your arms. Unless you can drive after bedtime I wouldn't do it frequently.

Slimtimeagain · 07/10/2018 14:19

There are loads of factors to this though, bottle feeding, mixed feeding or breast feeding. My friends who bottle feed go longer between feeds than those who breastfeed.
Those saying how it gets worse as they get older due to sleeps, just plan it around nap time!
I work with kids (nanny) and all my families do things so differently. Some have a routine and some don't. What works for one family doesn't always work for another. I think it is doable, you'll just have to prepare. And maybe get DH to do the night before you do the long drive! (If possible)

Almostfifty · 07/10/2018 14:32

I used to do it, never found it a problem. I just made sure DC was well fed before we starte.d so they'd sleep the first half, then topped them up when I stopped so they'd not be hungry for the second half of the journey.

You'll find it easier when they're small IMO.

Bisquick · 08/10/2018 07:43

You’ll always get a mix of opinions OP. Just see how you feel once the baby is here. My friends and I have kids who are all just under 1 year old. Some of them have never travelled outside the country, and have only ever done

KERALA1 · 08/10/2018 07:51

My advice would be try and build a support network locally rather than trekking to the other side of the country regularly. My local mum friends saved my sanity both times with babies and toddlers. You live where you do now and you need to build your lives there.

MemoryOfSleep · 08/10/2018 07:59

Depends how well your kid travels. Mine won't go above half an hour without screaming the place down. Also, if you hit traffic, you could find yourself in for a mare of a time. Finally, a lie flat cat seat in lie flat mode is not as safe for baby in the event of an accident as a traditional one, so maybe do upright with more stops once baby is a bit older?

Jent13c · 08/10/2018 08:12

I did a 3.5 hour journey fairly regularly on my own but always took the train. I had to switch train half way through and then my mum would pick me up fairly locally (she had her own car seat so I only needed to travel with pram and clothes). It wasn’t an issue at all, sometimes he slept the whole journey and if not I could easy pick him up and feed him or play with him.
Car would obviously be harder and as the baby gets older they may not tolerate being stuck in the back on their own for a long time but if it’s important for you I’m sure you’ll find a solution!

3stonedown · 08/10/2018 08:56

I think it would be easy until about 4 months. Possibly until 6 months. After that I think you'll be lucky to have a baby that will be happy to be strapped in that long even with breaks.

Chathamhouserules · 08/10/2018 10:07

I used to travel about 4 hours regularly to visit my parents and stayed for a few days. For me it was totally worth it. I have lovely memories of those visits. My parents so enjoyed spending time with the baby and my dad cooked me lovely meals! My dh didn't mind at all and it gave him a chance to catch up on sleep.
Only you will know whether the journey works for your baby. I had to stop driving for a few months with dd3. She was a terrible sleeper and I was so tired that I became a dangerous driver. After nearly crashing I stopped driving until I was better rested and able to concentrate.

Chathamhouserules · 08/10/2018 10:08

I'd try and get the train and ask someone to pick you up from nearest station. But that is because of my experience.

cholka · 08/10/2018 10:37

Just see how it goes. I'd recommend going for a bit longer but less often, and totally milking the babysitting on offer so you can catch up on sleep. Go by train and get them to pick you up. Get them to get cheap second hand stuff like pram, car seat, cot etc there so you don't have to cart yours around.
You really can't know how it will be until the time comes! Annoying but true.

BigFishFace · 08/10/2018 10:50

It might work for you but be prepared for chronic sleep deprivation that affects your driving, a baby that screams the whole way there, frequent feeding and changing stops, logistics of stoping for a wee with sleeping baby in car seat.

Take the train if at all possible. So much easier!

Dobbythesockelf · 08/10/2018 11:01

I have a 15 week old baby and I have made the 3 hour journey to my parents twice since he was born. The 3 hour journey takes closer to 5 hours now. I'm not doing it again till Xmas. I have a 3yr old dd as well which might up the stress level in our car. The 1st time I went with my dh and that was ok but the 2nd time was alone and I was knackered. Maybe your family will be different but through the day family were happy to have a cuddle etc but on a night I was alone to do the night feeds etc and that was the hardest part as it didn't feel like a break at all cause I became more tired.
My dh also wasn't pleased when he missed ds first giggle and how he could almost roll over by the time we got back.
See how you feel after the first couple of times but you may find it harder than you think.

JessieMcJessie · 08/10/2018 13:53

Note to MNHQ- that picture you have used to publicise this thread on the home page/ isn’t the baby far too young to be safely forward-facing?

Cornishclio · 08/10/2018 18:07

You will be fine so long as you feel able to drive for that long and baby is laid flat. Much easier when they are younger and not mobile although my 5 month old granddaughter hates the car seat since my DD and her husband drove across the country to go to a family wedding when she was 3 months old. It was a total of 4 hours one day and 7 the next though with stops due to traffic. Don't use the train. Nightmare with a buggy, baby and cases. Bear in mind though if you have disturbed nights driving long distances may be tricky and not as easy to just stop and rest for an hour when you have a baby.

Chrisinthemorning · 08/10/2018 18:09

I took DS to stay with his godmother for 3 nights at about 4 weeks- 3 hour drive. DH/ my Dad did the driving.
It was fine but tiring as normally we shared all the night wakings etc. She did take him off me and send me for a nap though

cookingonwine · 08/10/2018 18:18

The 4 hour drive will increase by hours and hours .... a new born can only travel for 30 or 45 mins before needing to change positions. I would check out the recommendations for traveling / car seats / new borns / babies / children.

peachgreen · 08/10/2018 18:54

Crikey, I wouldn't. We do a 1.5 hour drive once a month to see DH's family and that's bad enough - yesterday the return journey turned into 3 hours because DD was constipated and screamed basically the whole way no matter how many times we stopped to try and comfort her (plus change her nappy four times). Hellish. And it's not fair on her to do it too often - she'll nap for maybe 45 minutes of the journey but the rest of the time she's restricted and pretty bored, toys notwithstanding. Also I'm not sure you'll want to solo parent so regularly and for so long, but I guess this depends on how helpful your family are.

As with all things with a baby, don't make a decision until said baby arrives - and be prepared to change your mind regularly! What s/he can do at 2 months won't be the same at 6 months - sometimes things get easier and sometimes they get harder.

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