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Original poster

to get annoyed at DP talking for 2 hours to another woman??

32 replies

dalmationdotty · 06/10/2018 17:20

Sorry, I'm sure I will get a mix of answers on this but I'm trying to think if I'm being overly sensitive. Been with DP now for several months and going well. He always seems to never be short of female attention and at the start there were a few women that he still texted (he'd never dated them but single mums from school that had got in touch after his marriage ended). He'd been out for drinks with one mum, and she'd tried to kiss him and he'd told her he wasn't interested. Anyway I've made it clear I'm not keen on this friendship. It only started as a result of him being single for a bit, no prev history. She has made it clear she fancies him. She keeps inviting him out for drinks. He has told her he isn;t interested and he said she made him feel like an idiot saying that she isn't either and its just being friends. How many women are just "friends" with men anyway?? Anyway every so often she comes back with an excuse to contact him, "hi saw you at school today" etc Hi handsome etc Anyway i was out with friends last night and texted on my way home to say how was your evening, he says he's been chatting with this woman for 2 hours. I just said , oh sound like you've been busy and then said bye. I've been very distant today from him and he prob knows why and isn't saying anything. Im actually quite angry and annoyed but should I be?? I know they are just talking but part of me is thinking chat with your own friends not my DP and also why can't he just put my feelings first and tell her to get lost? I wouldn't be chatting to another single man?? Just doesnt sit well with me??

OP posts:
Lwg87 · 06/10/2018 17:22

I wouldn’t like it

CharlotteWebb · 06/10/2018 17:23

Ugh not a chance - that wouldn't work for me

Merryoldgoat · 06/10/2018 17:25

He sounds like he likes the attention. It’s easy to put a stop to this sort of stuff.

MrTrebus · 06/10/2018 17:26

Move on. Why are you being distant? Have it out with him. Doesn't sound like you'll ever be able to trust him and it sounds like he is keeping his options open so honestly if it were me i would move on.

Raven88 · 06/10/2018 17:26

Sounds like they are dating. He is disrespecting you. I would leave tbh.

clicketyclick66 · 06/10/2018 17:26

I wouldn't like it either, however he is telling you about their contact _ I would worry more if he was secretive!

FittonTower · 06/10/2018 17:28

I'm just friends with men, lots of em actually, as are lots of my female friends it's really not that unusual.
Was in the pub last night with a male friend, for a couple of hours. We chatted, we had drinks it was nice.
Don't dictate who your partner can talk too, it's not up to you and really wont make him any less likely to cheat, it will just make him misserable.

SendintheArdwolves · 06/10/2018 17:29

OK, bin this dude. You guys aren't suited - he likes flirty relationships with women who try to kiss him (and he likes telling you, his girlfriend, all about it) and you would prefer a boyfriend who doesn't have female friends.

We could spend hours debating whether he's leading these women on, trying to make you jealous, seeing how much you will put up with, whether men and women really CAN be just friends, but the bottom line is :

You and he have different ideas about what is appropriate behaviour for people in relationships. You can't change that, so cut your loses.

Livedandlearned2 · 06/10/2018 17:29

A few years ago a friend of dsd's mum started acting like this with dh, I read their texts, I couldn't help myself, I have trust issues thanks to exh. Anyway I could see his replies were short and neutral, but she wouldn't give up. Apparently she has form for texting any man she can, especially if they are attached.

Anyway I made him put an end to the messages and he did. If I found out he had talked to her for two hours she would get a piece of my mind, and he would really know about it.

I don't know why some women do this, is it an ego boost maybe.

AfterSchoolWorry · 06/10/2018 17:30

she'd tried to kiss him and he'd told her he wasn't interested

Do people go for drinks with people they don't want to kiss? I don't believe this at all. I think he's giving her green lights and then acting like she's some kind of lovesick stalker. Bullshit.

Original poster
dalmationdotty · 06/10/2018 17:35

FittonTower have any of your male friends come onto you and tried to kiss you? Plus they're not actually really friends, She only started messaging him when his marriage ended, hence trying it on and since then hasn't stopped. He tells her he's not interested she goes quiet for a while but then some excuse to get in touch with him. I told him I think she likes the male contact and she prob has fantasies about them being together.

OP posts:
Original poster
dalmationdotty · 06/10/2018 17:40

oh and she knows that he is with me and we are serious and she goes and invites him to an Ed Sheeran concert, just the two of them! Who does that! Does she have no other friends to go with? Total stalker , sorry as I'm writing this its actually making me quite cross.

OP posts:
LemonSqueezy0 · 06/10/2018 17:46

You need to direct some if not all of your ire at him tbh!
He says he's not interested. Fine. Then he talks to her for TWO hours despite claiming she won't take no for an answer?!

I have male friends, close ones but there are no blurred lines, oh he fancies me, or whatever...

I'd think twice about HIS motives, at least she is consistent!

SendintheArdwolves · 06/10/2018 17:48

Why are you cross with her? You say she "knows you are serious" with your boyfriend but his actions don't exact scream "100% not interested" do they? For all you know, he's told her that you guys aren't exclusive and that he's still available.

Be cross with your boyfriend for not shutting this down. Or just end the relationship. This guy enjoys the attention - if it wasn't this woman, it would be another.

MyCatIsBonkers · 06/10/2018 17:50

I agree with the previous poster who said he's keeping his options open.

WorraLiberty · 06/10/2018 17:52

Not only is he keeping his options open by the sound of it, but he seems to want to actively make the OP jealous.

Merryoldgoat · 06/10/2018 18:02

You’re angry at the wrong person.

Has he sent her a message saying ‘I’m not interested in going anywhere with you. Please don’t message me again’?

If he hasn’t he’s enjoying the flirting. Why spend 2 hours talking to someone you aren’t interested in? He sounds like he’s trying to make you jealous too.

Gizzygizmo · 06/10/2018 18:12

It sounds like he enjoys the attention from other women.
Fair play to you not losing your head.
If I were you I would want to know where I stand

AcrossthePond55 · 06/10/2018 18:28

My DH's best friend was a woman (she's passed away) and they spent hours chatting. BUT there were never any blurred lines and I was welcome to join them anytime. So men and women CAN be 'just friends'.

It's pretty obvious though that this woman wants to be more than friends and is simply biding her time, recontacting him now and again to see if he's become single. I suppose she can do what she likes as she's only wasting her own time. She doesn't owe you any loyalty.

But HE does. And it seems to me that he's getting a bit more out of this, ego-wise, than he should. He's obviously enjoying her attention and knows full well that she wants to be more than just friends. He's the one who is being disrespectful AND disloyal. Personally, I'd probably drop him. Life is too short to waste my time with someone who doesn't understand loyalty and doesn't care about my feelings.

Growingboys · 06/10/2018 18:37

I would not be ok with this at all

Original poster
dalmationdotty · 06/10/2018 20:43

Thank you all. Yes I totally get she owes me nothing. I’m cross with him not her. He did tell her about 4 months ago (after she invited him to s concert just them 2!) that she should stop messaging him and she did until a few days ago. But I have messaged him tonight (we have our own kids this weekend) to say I’ve made it repeatedly clear how I feel about this relationship given she has made her feelings clear in the past. That I’m not ok with it and an actually getting quite tired of the whole thing. He responds saying he is sorry but the conversation was about their kids (same school) and her worries about his ex partner kids. Basically she’s telling him that his kids are mixing with some bad children. I’m like why does that take 2 hours!! And she knows your ex too she should tell her. I’ve said that this is where it ends now I don’t now want her using her “concern for the children” as her way of keeping in touch. If he can’t tell her once and for all to stop messaging then that pretty much tells me everything and I’m better off out. Mike drop and dramatic exit!

OP posts:
Argonauts · 06/10/2018 20:50

I’m only responding to one of your questions, but my one of best friends is male, and we regularly talk for ages, go out for dinner and to the theatre together. It’s not akin to your boyfriend’s situation, but, yes, some women are friends with some men.

didyouseetheflaresinthesky · 06/10/2018 20:59

My best friend is also male. We chat for hours about sweet fuck all and go out and do things together. We're going to see the new Spiderman when it comes out. His GF likes it too but won't be coming and neither will my partner if I'm with someone by then because Marvel films are our thing that we do just the two of us. I've known him since college and have spent many a drunken night or morning by the time we got in; those were the days squished in a single bed with him and nothing untoward has ever occured. He's just my very close friend and tbh I don't think either of us could even imagine having a relationship. It would just be too weird.

Why can your DP not have a female friend even after having told her and you that he isn't interested sexually or romantically?

Santaclarita · 06/10/2018 21:00

Please he's loving the attention. Guaranteed if you split up with him, he'll jump right in there with her.

I have male friends sure. I don't text them with 'hi handsome', try to kiss them or invite them only for a night out to a gig. That's crossing lines into more than friendship.

TheOneWith · 06/10/2018 21:06

He is absolutely loving the attention from her, and he clearly loves winding you up about this doesn’t he?

That should tell you all you need to know.

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