To stay on my sofa while all hell breaks loose?

[Flyingpompom]

I genuinely don't know whether MN will call me a selfish cow or agree with me.

I have been through a hideous few weeks due to a family crisis. It's been heartbreaking and very hard work. I've had to support some close family members through some awful stuff which is still ongoing (and will be for some time) as well as being pretty devastated myself by the news. I've kept going...work, kids, house, constantly having family members over for food or going to support them at their homes, one of which is an hour away.

This weekend I know they're ok without me, and after taking DC to activities this morning I have changed back into my PJs and planted myself on the sofa, fully intending to remain here until this evening.

Instead I've just had a phone call from MIL, upset as an incredible amount of shit is happening now on their side. To cut a long story short, DH's sister is being evicted and his brother's wife has walked out on him. MIL is struggling, she's looking after the small children while the eviction is happening and is desperately worried about BIL.

WIBU to say that as I can be of no practical help, I'm staying here. I've spoken to other SIL whose partner is going with his van to help the couple being evicted.

My DH is going to see upset BIL when he gets back (he's out with our other DC) and give him a hand with the kids/house etc.

Normally I'd be there to help MIL with the toddlers, make tea and dry tears. But I've been doing that for weeks now for my family. I really don't think I can take any more.

I'm at the point where I think I'm becoming ill with stress...I've had days of constant crying over nothing, and I'm utterly exhausted.

WIBU to stay here and use the tiny amount of energy I have left to look after my own children? I'm more than happy for DH to spend as much time with his brother as he feels he needs to. I'll happily help on a more practical level later in the week, and i can offer tea and sympathy to MIL tomorrow. But as for today, I really feel like I have nothing left to give.

So give it to me straight...must I get my game face on and get over there?

Yes, but you are saying your own situations (which is what we all do I suppose) and applying it as if it's the only reality. Many people can also sit down for a cup of tea with their MIL and relax. There isn't a right or wrong, just how things are. I'd like to think any future partners my DC have would be able to chill out and relax in my home/company.

I'm glad you decided to stay home. Sometimes you need to put YOU first & just recharge if you stand any chance of being any help to anyone, particularly yourself. I hope you're able to have a calmer time in the coming weeks

keep the phone turned off and stay at home...offer no apology or excuse...and relax!

It does sound as though this is one of those situations where “it’s a marathon, not a sprint” applies. These don’t seem to be problems that could be solved today by working hard. They are ongoing issues and those involved are going to need longer term support. Charging up your batteries isn’t something you do just for yourself, it benefits those around you. Perhaps you and your dh will each need to have a sofa day occasionally over the next few months. It’s not selfish, it’s sensible.

Thanks again for all your lovely replies. I half expected to be told I was selfish, but even those who thought I should go were kind about it!

The decider was my DD in the end....I couldn't take her into that sort of atmosphere. The evicted couple live in my MILs street and are very volatile.

So DH went and helped as much as possible on a practical level. The nieces broke his heart a little, crying as their toys were being packed. They're too little to understand that they'll get them back (they're being stored at a family members house) but who knows when? They're also staying separately with separate relatives- just heart wrenching all round.

Other BIL and kids are coming round tomorrow so we can look after them a bit.

It's been an emotional day.

But, waxon, we don’t know which the op is, and your post didn’t allow for that.
I'd like to think any future partners my DC have would be able to chill out and relax in my home/company.
I’m sure to an extent they will be able to as long as you are a lovely mil. And so can I. But enjoying myself is sooo different from recharging, which is what the emotionally drained op needs today. I love my friends, I do love my mil, but she is the opposite of me personality wise - neither of our faults and we both enjoy each other’s company. But in general spending time with her is not recharging. It’s not a fault thing. It’s different people function differently.

time and neither does yours... I think we have to agree to disagree here as I don't think either of us are interpreting the tone the other thinks they are conveying.

WaxOn I think what you're saying is that you hope your DIL doesn't find you exhausting company. That's not an unreasonable thing to wish for, but it's neither her fault or yours if things don't turn out that way. We can't make ourselves find other people restful, after all....