To ask about your moments of realisation?

[Spanglylycra]

Driving to work yesterday. Sat in traffic at the lights I suddenly had a lightbulb moment about my job, a what the fuck am I doing wasting my time moment?!

This came after a few weeks very stressful and emotional that have been very full on at work. This week mildly better and I felt like I'd just hit a calm spot and thought that's it I've had enough, not stressed or upset just realised that's it and it's like a strange calm has come over me!

So I wondered if you have had a moment like this did you act upon the feeling and did it work?

When I decided to have personal training sessions and basically had a breakdown in the middle of the gym! Somehow it made me realise I needed help for all the issues I had been experiencing which turned out to be ptsd!

Are you Theresa May, bianca?

When I was a teen I was in an awful relationship. Neither of us were angels but he was particularly horrible.

One night we were rowing in his car and he'd admitted that he'd slept with someone else, again, and something just clicked. I went from being devastated to not giving a shit anymore.

For some reason we stayed together for about another year and he'd actually moan that I didn't get upset anymore. I just didn't feel anything!

I had been in love (after reading mn I think it was limerance) with a guy for 7 years. One day it just dawned on me that he was never going to love me like I loved him. I'd always known it but suddenly just felt it. And that was it. I was suddenly over him.

Quite recently I have begun to suspect I have ASD. When ds' support worker was informing the other parents at a meeting she said something about not being able to process words but needing to see something before he could understand. It was like in the movies - flashbacks to times where I didnt get something or suddenly got it because it was visual.

It's all a dream. A movie if you like with 7.5 billion scripts. 7.5 billion people, writing, producing, directing and starring in their own movie. Non of it is authentic. Step back and observe it all without attachment and see how it all plays out.
If you don't play your role according to the script as it is written or how you have written it for other people, in relationships, in jobs, in life, what happens?
Observe how the people who write the script get upset with you and you get upset with them. Watch what happens!! Feel the emotions!!

Realise it is not real and let it all go. Nothing in life is permanent.

Unfortunately people don't know they are writing the script. They have been programmed and conditioned to believe in the matrix and that it is real. It isn't its all made up. Its illusory.

I was obese and had tried and failed to lose weight many times before. I had a dream or a day dream where I was sitting imwith a doctor being told I had diabetes. I also somehow decided I would have a heart attack in my 40s (I was in my early 30s). At that point I quickly lost loads of weight. I've since put some back on and am definitely too flabby at the moment but I no longer panic about death or diabetes. While I still eat too much chocolate, a load of bad habits I used to have have been gone for I've five years now. Eg I used to buy bags of those supermarket deli cookies and eat one bag in the car on the way home. Wouldn't dream of that now.

Was working away from home and had been dating a lovely woman who I had met internet dating (before internet dating was socially acceptable!).

Was sitting on Plymouth Hoe looking at the sea and thinking about the her. I remember thinking she's intelligent, empathetic, funny and beautiful.

Then the lightbulb moment. 'FFS, I'm an idiot. I'd better ask her if she'll marry me because she's perfect'.

I did.

(16 years later we're still very much in love)

I had one regarding my absolute twat of an ex, it was in a motorway service station car park late at night. I made massive changes to my life the next day and I have never once looked back.

my mum is lovely, and I always felt inadequate because I could never be as good a mum as she was.

Then one day, when worrying about my teen, my SIL gently said - you know your mum never had to deal with teens and homework, as you were all at boarding school.

Lightbulb, maybe my lovely mum wasn't quite so perfect, and maybe I was doing an alright job as a mum!

When I received an email from managers who have never done the job on the ground to say that more cuts to spending and services are on their way (public sector) and I realised that an already bad situation was about to get worse.

I've invested in a few sessions with a careers coach and intend to get out of the public sector before I am completely beaten down by the reality of austerity.

Yes! Drying my hair getting ready to go out I realised I didn’t love my boyfriend.

Waited a month or so before splitting up with him.

I can still remember how it washed over me 8 years later! Not like a truck but like opening the front door on a fresh morning.

Job one here and I'm still in the stages of being so unhappy at work and that I wish I was anywhere else but there, I realised that my new boss isn't as nice as he initially made out and is in fact a bit of a dick. I have started to apply for jobs even though I have been in my current job for 15+ years I am excited for a change (and a drop in salary) but it's got to be worth it than stay in a job where everybody's morale is at rock bottom.....and I mean everybody! I need to go into work on Monday and let my boss know that he should be (hopefully) receiving reference requests. I still pathetically hope I win the lottery

When I realised my ex DH wasn’t depressed or struggling or having anger management issues but was actually controlling and abusive because he chose to come around to our new house and self-harm in front of me and baby DD so was able to plan and think through it all. Lightbulb moment. He never came inside the house again.

I attended a friends christening for her dd. Two of her other friends in our group were god parents. All our other friends in the group had been godparents or bridesmaids. It hit me with the realisation, I think I d known over the years, where I stood with her and how insignificant I was to her.

Yes!

Oh yes a few times. It usually happens in a moment of pure clarity after a period of uncertainty. I go into survival mode afterwards and my focus becomes the life change I have made. Quite a bit of thought goes into it before though.

I have some mh issues.
I was also regularly bullied as a child.
I remember one evening I was feeling very down and my mind kept going back to those days and all the nastiness of it.
Then I had this clear thought that cut through it all, "They are all irrelevant."
It's true. I am not in contact with them, I am an adult and not a frightened child. I have the ability to walk away from people like that now. Who cares about them? I don't. My life has moved on.
They. Are. Irrelevant.

I used to be late all the time. Late for school, late for work, late for social events. I thought I couldn’t help it. But then I suddenly realized how disrespectful it was to people and how bad it made me feel about myself.

I stopped being habitually late from that point. I am seldom late now, kids are never late for school, I’m never late for work. This is a complete change. People actually comment on how punctual I am.

My DD has some special needs and is very socially immature for her age. She doesn't have many friends which I worry about.
Recently I had a moment where I realised that there are all kinds of people in the world and that she will find people who will love her for who she is and who will be friends with her and as long as she is happy, (which she is) then that's alright.

I realised that ultimately we're on our own. I will never be anyone's else priority.

It was horrific and it's taken me a long time to come to terms with it and still getting there; it's really changed me.

I got down to the final two for a job I wanted. They couldn't decide so put on an assessment centre for us. The task set was to run a discussion session to look at improvements in a specific area. Now in my previous job I had just written an evaluation of different methods of improving this specific thing but to me you don't change things by saying 'I know the problems, this is what we' re doing', you bring people with you, get them to talk through the problems and the root causes and be part of finding the solution.

I didn't get the job. They read my style as having no confidence or knowledge. I was really upset.

But then I realised that was them and their culture. My style has worked very well in the past in situations where the 'this is what we're doing' style had failed. I didn't need to change myself for a job, I needed to find a job that needed me exactly as I was.

The next job I applied for was exactly that job. I'm loving it, get loads of positive feedback and I know this is the career for me. I realise now that I would have hated the other job.

Yes.

In bed, had enough of being treated like a piece of shit under partner's shoe. That sudden calming moment of, oh....I'm ok if we're done.

I realised that I didn't have to lie in order to say "no". My mother always did this - always referred to them as "white lies". In a moment, I realised that the truth was enough; that if she had simply told the truth, it would have been totally acceptable. It was quite the revelation.

Ex bf was having an argument with me
about something political off the radio
and he was being infuriating, that fake calm I am so reasonable voice
and he had not a clue what he was talking about, completely confused on the facts and indeed the geography of the area
whereas I had studied it in detail, campaigned on it, worked with aid agencies and NGOs there, and while wouldnt have painted myself as an expert had a pretty good knowlege and engagement with the issues
and I sat listening to him drone on, and then he accused me of getting too angry and emotional
well, I wasnt angry, I hadnt raised my voice and the only reason I was still talking about the subject was he insisted he was correct and I needed to accept that
The penny dropped and I realised: it wasnt about the political disscussion subject at all, he didnt know about it or care about it at all, the only reason he was still droning on was that he wanted to prolong the argument, get me to have an emotional reaction and then try and accuse me of being either stupid or unstable.

And that this would be the action of someone who was

1. utterly stupid (since he didnt know what he was talking about and couldnt recognise that I might have better knowlege of the subject)
2. completely uncaring (since it was a human welfare issue that most people have an emotional response to; and he seemed only to care about 'winning' the argument)

and of course 3. utterly unstable (because who the fuck tries to manipulate the person they love that way?)

I must confess that it took me a few more months to end it but that was the moment the scales dropped from my eyes

Thanks all for so many replies.

What @Temporaryanonymity is definitely what I've been through. I just need to decide what to do about it, not helped by the fact I am seconded to do someone's mat leave at present so I feel like I would be letting them down, but equally think no one gives a shit so why should I?!