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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Lock my autistic daugher away? WTF

87 replies

TickTickBoomBoom · 05/10/2018 17:51

Need to rant!

My DD (10) has mild autism - she's highly intelligent but struggles with the social side of things. We have a park on the inside of our complex where all the kids play.

A mother and daughter who often visit family here are vile, evil trailer trash types. I don't usually judge, but believe me, they are. The mother walks around swearing all day, and the 10-YO daughter swears at adults and children alike all day long. Her DC hurt the other kids every time they're here. Today her DS punched another boy.

The DD - call her C, has walked up to my DD before and slapped her in the face, punched her, kicked her etc. I've told my DDs to stay away from her.

So today C holds my DD down by the throat, pinches her nose closed and tries to force holly berries (very poisonous) down her throat. While I was confronting the mother about it I may have raised my voice a bit (the other father was also shouting at her because her DS hurt his son), one of the other neighbours came out and told me that, if my daughter is autistic, I should keep her inside and not allow her out of the house! WTAF!!! According to her it's my DD who causes this as she's autistic. My DD is often the target of bullies, as is so often the case with vulnerable children.

But to lock her away in the house! Seriously? Do people really still fucking think like this?

OP posts:
Benandhollysmum · 05/10/2018 23:08

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

ohello · 05/10/2018 23:10

Talk to the other neighbors, they most likely have a problem with this family too. Sounds like you are renting? Encourage everyone to have a chat with the management to inform them that everyone is thinking about renting somewhere else. Seems like it would be easier to replace one tenant rather than 30.

tootiredtospeak · 05/10/2018 23:16

My autistic DS is most definately not exceptionally bright and is definately disabled. His autism stops him being able to deal with everyday situations and causes great anxiety. Sorry to the OP your situation sounds horrific hope the move improves things.

ARoomSomewhere · 05/10/2018 23:24

Police. That is an assault on a disabled child. A hate crime imo.

WonderBoy · 05/10/2018 23:26

The pp does not identify her daughter as disabled, which is possibly why she doesn't care about repeatedly using disablist language and then attacks the people she hurts with it.

Benandhollysmum · 05/10/2018 23:33

This reply has been deleted

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WorraLiberty · 05/10/2018 23:54

Benandhollysmum no-one has said everyone has to be the same but your post saying kids with autism are exceptionally bright and see the world slightly different, kind of implies that you might think kids with autism are all the same.

I don't have an autistic child but I've been around Mumsnet enough to know many parents of autistic kids, hate that assumption.

Original poster
TickTickBoomBoom · 06/10/2018 00:31

I know I am fortunate that my daughter is extremely intelligent. She doesn't read body language or socialise well, but she's top of her class at (mainstream) school. Doesn't stop her being bullied though Sad.

OP posts:
Original poster
TickTickBoomBoom · 06/10/2018 00:39

I have messaged the horrible mother's family member, who I consider a friend and a neighbour (her DD is friends with my DD), and told her that I plan to report the matter, as C hurting my DD is bad enough, but trying to poison another child is another matter altogether. This will no doubt be fed back to twat mother. And now we wait for the s**t to hit the fan.

OP posts:
WonderBoy · 06/10/2018 00:44

No, nobody did say the pp's daughter is disabled or that everyone has to be the same. I picked up on her repeated use of an offensive disablist term and her response has been to repeatedly attack me, including accusing me of being a troll, and trying to bully me off the thread. That sort of behaviour shouldn't surprise me, coming from someone who thinks that sort of language is ok especially on a thread about a child with Autism. MNHQ deleted her post and she could have just learnt from it, apologised and moved on.

Thank you Worra, tootired, and MNHQ. Flowers

WonderBoy · 06/10/2018 00:52

Well done OP for standing up for your DD against the bullies. You're very brave. I'm sorry you and she have had such a tough time. Good luck. Flowers

planetclom · 06/10/2018 00:54

So you are more worried about your car which I assume is insured, if you report this incident to the police than your daughter being assaulted and poisoned?

Now I have written it like that I am sure you will see the logic of going to the police. I know it is hard to see the wood for the trees when you too close to the problem, but there is only one way to deal with this. Oh and SS.

Benandhollysmum · 06/10/2018 00:57

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
TickTickBoomBoom · 06/10/2018 01:10

Wow @planetclom - how did you reach that conclusion? Of course I'm not more worried about my car! But... I need my car as I have 2 young DDs. We're also living hand to mouth and I often go hungry so my DDs have enough to eat. I had to go without a lot to be able to buy it after my old one broke down. So it is a concern, but obviously not more important than my DD.

OP posts:
WonderBoy · 06/10/2018 01:34

The pp's post was offensive. It breached Talk Guidelines. That's why MNHQ deleted it. Having disabled relatives does not necessarily make someone empathetic towards them or other disabled people, unfortunately.

I have replied to the pp's posts about me or to me. Unfortunately this seemed necessary rather than letting them stand unchallenged.

The pp is calling me a troll again, and now a bully and a stalker. I don't think it's wise to continue responding to her, I don't want to detract from the OP's thread further, and I have some all night caring to do, so I think it's best I bow out and let MNHQ take a look tomorrow.

Goodnight all, and all the best OP.

Benandhollysmum · 06/10/2018 01:42

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

planetclom · 06/10/2018 02:07

I didn't actually really think that! I was trying to get you to look at this logically... and then you answered ... the car is a car and whatever your need for it. And if you think they will damage it in retaliation then they are going to continue to abuse your daughter. Anyway I am out of this. For the record I have 2 autistic children and this is not acceptable.

Mummyoflittledragon · 06/10/2018 14:02

Ticktick
Is all ok?

Yetalkshite
Idk how they got away with that! It sounds really hard to get an Asbo against someone yet you can get an order against you from that distance. Confused

YeTalkShiteHen · 06/10/2018 14:08

You’re disablist to think Autism is a disability when kids with autism are exceptionally bright and see the world slightly different

I’m autistic, so are my kids. How dare you be so presumptous to speak for us. And also for your DD.

The only time a NT should speak for an autistic person is when they are unable to speak for themselves, as in non verbal.

Until then, wind your neck in and do some research. Your ignorance is showing.

YeTalkShiteHen · 06/10/2018 14:08

Sorry a NT person

YeTalkShiteHen · 06/10/2018 14:09

Mummyoflittledragon because I admitted shouting and he denied assaulting my son. Despite the bruises and cuts.

Even the cop who charged me said I should have denied it, but then how can I teach my child to be honest when I lie?

Singlenotsingle · 06/10/2018 14:14

Tbh, I would certainly keep DD indoors when these people visit. Not because of the autism, but because they are bullies and any child would be at risk.

Mummyoflittledragon · 06/10/2018 14:16

I had no idea such orders existed. I’m glad you are well away from them. 😊

Original poster
TickTickBoomBoom · 06/10/2018 17:22

Sorry, I have an awful cold and have basically slept all day.

Nobody banged on my door today, and I haven't had a reply to my message. I definitely think I'm going to report it though. The more I think about it the angrier I get - my DD could've been gravely ill - two berries can be fatal to a child! Grrrrr

OP posts:
PorkFlute · 06/10/2018 17:42

Are parents out there supervising the play area? Just wondering how everyone seems to know everything that goes on?
To be honest I wouldn’t be letting my child play anywhere near those children. Shame that they can’t use the play area but they need to be safe.