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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Lock my autistic daugher away? WTF

87 replies

TickTickBoomBoom · 05/10/2018 17:51

Need to rant!

My DD (10) has mild autism - she's highly intelligent but struggles with the social side of things. We have a park on the inside of our complex where all the kids play.

A mother and daughter who often visit family here are vile, evil trailer trash types. I don't usually judge, but believe me, they are. The mother walks around swearing all day, and the 10-YO daughter swears at adults and children alike all day long. Her DC hurt the other kids every time they're here. Today her DS punched another boy.

The DD - call her C, has walked up to my DD before and slapped her in the face, punched her, kicked her etc. I've told my DDs to stay away from her.

So today C holds my DD down by the throat, pinches her nose closed and tries to force holly berries (very poisonous) down her throat. While I was confronting the mother about it I may have raised my voice a bit (the other father was also shouting at her because her DS hurt his son), one of the other neighbours came out and told me that, if my daughter is autistic, I should keep her inside and not allow her out of the house! WTAF!!! According to her it's my DD who causes this as she's autistic. My DD is often the target of bullies, as is so often the case with vulnerable children.

But to lock her away in the house! Seriously? Do people really still fucking think like this?

OP posts:

mylaptopismylapdog · 05/10/2018 19:38

Is it worth speaking to the management of the complex surely the primary intention is to to have a safe place for the children who live there.

Original poster

TickTickBoomBoom · 05/10/2018 19:41

It is mostly a council estate, with only a few privately owned flats, of which mine is one. Not sure the council cares tbh.

Hopefully we'll be moving soon, I'm desperately searching.

OP posts:

Mummyoflittledragon · 05/10/2018 19:45

YeTalkShiteHen
You got charged. Fgs. People are so cruel. I hope your ds is surrounded by more understanding and caring people. Some adults are really vile. It’s hardly surprising their children think it’s ok to beat up another child because they’re different.

YeTalkShiteHen · 05/10/2018 19:47

Mummyoflittledragon aye, “causing fear and alarm in a public place” apparently I was 60 feet from the little shit, and made no move towards him in any way but apparently he was terrified. My arse. I’m bound over to keep the peace for 2 years (one more to go). I refused to accept the caution on fucking principle though, and the PF declined to take it further.

Original poster

TickTickBoomBoom · 05/10/2018 19:48

The sad thing is that it's not the children's fault - the parents are to blame. That child could've had a chance of being a decent human being, instead she's now going to grow up to be just like her mother .

OP posts:

YeTalkShiteHen · 05/10/2018 19:49

That’s very true.

PeasAreGreat · 05/10/2018 19:50

Report to the police, she could have made your dd very ill or possibly killed her

Orchiddingme · 05/10/2018 19:51

If you weren't moving, I'd suggest talking with the community support officer for your area. They are often better than the main police number for community issues, and they are supposed to be taking safeguarding of vulnerable adults much more seriously now. I do think they would come out for this.

Orchiddingme · 05/10/2018 19:52

I meant to say safeguarding vulnerable people, clearly your dd isn't an adult. But there have been some notable cases of vulnerable people not protected by the police and this is on their radar although resources are short. I would report for definite.

diddl · 05/10/2018 19:54

I'd be more concerned/angry about what the 10yr old girl did than a twat voicing an ignorant opinion tbh.

Hope that you manage to move away soon.

AnnieAnoniMOUSE · 05/10/2018 19:58

Yes, I think you should keep your keep your DD inside.

...because she’s not safe outside with that ferral brat around.

I’d be at the police station tomorrow, without a doubt. Ferral brat & her gobshite mother need sorting out.

Have you got your place on the market?

didyouseetheflaresinthesky · 05/10/2018 20:02

Sometimes I long for the days when you could clip a child round the ear and know that when they got home and told their mother, they'd likely get another one for behaving so badly that a stranger disciplined them.

Not often. But sometimes...

Original poster

TickTickBoomBoom · 05/10/2018 20:02

Have you got your place on the market?

I'm renting, and have received an eviction notice as the owner wants to sell, so I really will be moving soon .

I'll talk to DD properly on Sunday when she's back from her DF, and then report it.

OP posts:

BIgBagofJelly · 05/10/2018 20:03

I agree I would call the police. Hopefully it would trigger some kind of social service or other official involvement.

The comment about your DD needing to be locked away was ignorant as hell.

Original poster

TickTickBoomBoom · 05/10/2018 20:03

@didyouseetheflaresinthesky - I agree. When I was young we'd never even dream of being disrespectful to an adult. The consequences were too dire.

OP posts:

zzzzz · 05/10/2018 20:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WonderBoy · 05/10/2018 20:15

Sadly these attitudes permeate across the whole of society in our experience, from trailers to stately homes and everywhere inbetween.

For example, we've been excluded from things, made to feel very uncomfortable or told my DS should be in full time residential care by the 'nicest' of people.

Their homes and accents and the way it's expressed might be different, but the attitudes are the same: he's not welcome here.

Their problem and their loss definitely, but it makes for so much sadness, frustration, anger and lonely isolation here.

for anyone else on the receiving end.

Original poster

TickTickBoomBoom · 05/10/2018 21:19

I am a bit worried (well, quite worried actually) that if I do report them, my new car is suddenly going to become a very damaged car .

OP posts:

Benandhollysmum · 05/10/2018 22:10

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

WonderBoy · 05/10/2018 22:31

Oh the irony of the pp repeatedly using an offensive disablist term on this thread.

Benandhollysmum · 05/10/2018 22:35

What irony? My daughters autistic too, how is it diasblist? You’re disablist to think Autism is a disability when kids with autism are exceptionally bright and see the world slightly different

maybe check yourself and don’t get smart

WonderBoy · 05/10/2018 22:46

I don't know where to start with that response. That's your view of your world with your daughter and that's great. My view with my DS is that he is severely disabled.

I won't match your rudeness on being picked up on repeatedly using the word you did, and I don't want to derail the OP's thread, but perhaps you could look up what the word means and why many people find it offensive. Language matters.

Original poster

TickTickBoomBoom · 05/10/2018 22:49

Did I miss something? I read @Benandhollysmum 's post and I can't remember now exactly what it said, but I don't remember reading anything offensive there.

OP posts:

Benandhollysmum · 05/10/2018 22:54

Well this isn’t about your son, it’s about a girl that’s had the same shit done to her that mine had, and my language is justified the hell we’ve been through, I’m lending sympathy to a mother who feels like how I felt
And yes those bullying her daughter are shits

WonderBoy · 05/10/2018 23:05

I'm not going to repeat the word the pp kept using, because quite rightly this post would then be deleted. One of the reasons I usually avoid AIBUs for some subjects is that hateful words like that get used. If the pp had stuck to using her other choices of little sh*t and bully, it would have got her point across just great and I would have just been agreeing with her.

All the best with your move and your DD, OP. I completely understand your dilemma about reporting those vile people because there's often a backlash, sadly, when you're brave enough to call someone out.

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