To think my dad shouldn't treat me like this ?

[lrachel044]

My dad has always had the ability to turn nasty and has done over the years.
Today I went to he's and I said I'm just popping to the loo can you cut along that voucher for me (it was a boots 30% off a gift ) and he had the scissors,I said just where the dots are.
I got back down and he had cut the voucher but cut through the barcode so it was no good.

I said you've cut the voucher wrong,you've cut the barcode and I won't be able to use it now.
He said I had told him wrong and I was to blame then he threw it in the bin..I said why are you going on like that and he grabbed some sweets and biscuits I bought him out of the cupboard and threw them outside ..and said I want nothing from you now after this morning.
We are finished,next time you ring I won't answer.
I said you made a mistake yet I'm to blame ?
He said he wasn't to blame and I was in the wrong then was screaming in my face.
This is always how he reacts..
He then went on to say I had now caused him to have a headache and we were finished.
I don't understand

None of what you've just described is ok behaviour from him. He's not a good father to you lrachel044. And it's not your fault. Really.

You will find that, without this bullying tosspot man in your life, your mental health will be better.

Stop wasting time wondering why he is the way he is. It's nothing youve done, or can do anything about. Instead use that mental energy wondering why you lut up wuth it and how you can break free.

Please also be aware that you've been trained to accept abuse. Umless you dismantle this training - therapy would help with this - you are at grave risk of ending up in a relationship with another abuser, because these types can smell vulnerability like a shark smells blood.

Good luck

Do we have the same Dad?!
I left my very small toddler with him to watch once whilst I nipped into the shower quickly. Shut the lounge door. (We were staying the weekend at his). Left them watching tv all snuggled up on the chair. Came out, toddler was on the stair top with his body and head through the spindles that were way too wide for building regs and he was in the garden inspecting his veg. He went mad at me for putting my child in danger. Arse.

Dear OP your father should not treat you like this. NO ONE should treat you like this.

Read the book Toxic Parents - he has clearly treated you dreadfully for a long time.

I think you should think about moving further away from him - you may never be free living so close by.

to you - yanbu no way.

OP, it doesn't matter why he does the things he does. You are a nice reasonable person trying to understand someone who isn't reasonable and doesn't act logically. It's pointless. You could never understand someone who thinks in such a way so please don't torture yourself trying to. His words and deeds simply cannot be understood because there is no sense to it. All that matters is you.

This is not your fault at all. Please be kind to yourself and know you have never deserved such treatment from him or anyone. I agree that therapy could help you with untangling all of what has happened to you. I think the GP referrals are usually for CBT rather than longer-term talking therapies of other types though? Perhaps the BACP or Anxiety UK might be worth a try.

kaitlinktm at "Fri 05-Oct-18 10:30:43" is totally right. Although I would go low rather no contact at first.

You deserve better.

always do nice things for him.
If I'm shopping and I see a nice jumper..il buy him it.
Or his fav sweets but everything is thrown back in my face when I do something "wrong"
This struck a chord with me. My daughter had a friend who had a ' strange mother '
She blew not and cold most of the time and her children would never know if they had a nice mum/ or a truly terrible one.
The girl ( she was about 12) would always try to do things for her mother , housework, look after the younger siblings, buy her mum bars of chocolate. It seemed so unnatural, like she was the parent.
When you said the above it made me think of her.
Do you do these things to make him love you or to keep him placid?
I ask this because I think it's a learned behaviour from when you were younger - you want to be the ' good girl ' because it keeps the peace, calms him down, stops his negative / and or cruel behaviour.

If I'm right - you need to stop this, even if it means not seeing him.
Long term it's not going to stop.
There is a book called The games people play, I think you need to read it.
Also your relationship is parent/child but you play the role of parent and he is the child. Google that as well.

Your text was supposed to be highlighted !

everybody needs family - this is what you have been trained to think. Before I was born, my mother made the break with her bullying father (I think she hung on in there until her DM passed away) and basically went against the saying, "You can choose your friends but not your family". She moved into a houseshare with a married friend until she married herself, and basically built up a second family; I grew up with an array of aunties and uncles who I realised later were not actually blood relatives, as well as her two brothers, who were forbidden from taking me to see the old man. Word of his death reached us one Christmas, rather in the spirit of "and in other news". Nobody turned a hair when we heard; I don't know if my uncles went to the funeral. It left her mark on her, which came out more in her declining years, but she made certain that it stopped with her generation.
He says he doesn't want to see you - take him at his word and do as you are told. If he gets in touch and asks why, would you be brave enough to say you have been medically advised not to?

I see my dad about twice a year and we phone each other, that's enough!
Reduce contact and build other relationships.
He won't change.
I don't think that you need to put up with any more of this.