To ask what your baby sleeps (or slept) with in their cot, and be annoyed at DP

[Conflicted1]

Can I ask what your babies sleep (or slept) with?

DS is almost nine months and until now I've been implementing the empty cot rule as is recommended to reduce the risk of SIDS.

For as long as I've been following the guidelines DP has been trying to counteract them and giving baby fleecey blankets, a teddy and in recent months a little square pillow to sleep with "because he'll get cold otherwise"

He has older DC and is used to doing things that way.

He feels disheartened that I "overrule him" on the subject.

Baby sleeps in an cosy room in PJ's and socks. He is definitely not cold.

AIBU and over zealous, or is he BU by not understanding and assessing the risks associated with having items in babies sleep space?

You are not being unreasonable at all.

My son is 7.5 months he sleeps in a grobag. I really can't understand anyone thinking they are a waste of money particularly when supermarkets do them now so they don't have to be expensive gro ones.

I do let my son sleep with a 'lovey' type thing. He has Aden anais security blankets which are a small square of muslin so breathable. We only started letting him a few weeks ago and I was nervous.

I used sleep bags (fantastic to limit opportunities for nappy removal and escape from cot), we had a breathable teddy.

Didn't use blankets because DD tended towards being a warm person so was most often in a 0.5 tog bag! From about 1 more toys were allowed!

I can see nothing that advises against a fleece blanket btw. Unless you mean it is loose in the cot. Lullabye trust just says:

We therefore recommend babies are slept in cots or Moses baskets that are kept as clear as possible and specifically advise:

No pillows or duvets;
No cot bumpers;
No soft toys;
No loose bedding;
No products (such as wedges or straps) that will keep your baby in one sleeping position.

My ds had a wee taggie square fleece thing (had little tags round it he liked to touch)

www.johnlewis.com/brand/taggies/_/N-1z13tmr

I have an empty cot rule with baby in a gro bag. You can get them to pennies 2nd hand on eBay so they really aren't a waste of money. The in laws hate it as they buy teddies and post of Facebook that it's for her cot. I stick to my guns and place it near or back in her nursery. Its really not worth risking LOs safety.

Absolutely no way does a 9mo need a fleece blanket and a scatter cushion! I mean seriously, a scatter cushion, that's actually ridiculous.

We used a gro bag for both ours, and still do with 2yo. You can get them from as thin as 1 or 0.5 tog.

One small toy when they were little, and now a build a bear Chase for said 2yo

Much I believe in picking my battles, if was my dh I would go ballistic. I would hide the stuff and do all night times if necessary. Your ds sleeps on his front. There are calculated risks and stupidity.

I would also hide everything. My DP is very stubborn and would let me stop night time bottles.. I threw them out and she slept well after.

Up until they stopped pooing in the night, I used cellular blankets with both mine as it was easier for access to change them. Then moved to grobags. Missing one in summer (if required at all - wasn't needed this summer) and thicker one in winter. No toys or pillows. My elder son had his first pillow at 2 years but technically they're allowed them after 1 year I believe.
I've just discovered grobags with feet with my second who is an early walker and they're fab.
www.slumbersac.co.uk/baby-sleeping-bags-with-feet

We had a fleece blanket over the sleeping bag as DD always was cold and would wake up. Whatever guidelines Grobag gave clearly didn’t have DD in mind, she is now a pre-teen and still sleeps under mountains of duvets, blankets and thick pyjamas.

And heating was on or at least on reasonable level.

It was a last resort so we trials it and checked to make sure the blanket was tucked in nicely all night, think buggy size, not full blown duvet size.

Nothing else until she was 2 and we moved her to pillow and duvet.

DD had nothing in cot until she was about 8 months, when she started to get separation anxiety so we gave her a specific soft toy to snuggle. She has slept with him ever since.

Whatever guidelines Grobag gave clearly didn’t have DD in mind

Same. I think the guidelines leave babies quite cold - there's got to be a compromise between safety and comfort somewhere. Perhaps babies are safest with their temperature guidelines, but perhaps part of that is because they are too cold to sleep comfortably.

The guidelines for the nursery last night would haveeant a short or long sleeve vest plus a 1 tog. Reality for my 15 month is a short sleeve vest, sleepsuit and a 2.5 tog. She'd not have been comfortable at all in what they suggested.

At the ops baby age, we used a soft toy, and sleeping bag or occasionally a cellular blanket. We added a pillow at a year. But she came in with us quite a lot, and by that age I wasn't worried about our duvet and pillows, but I wouldn't have let her sleep unattended with those in proximity.

I think YAB a bit U.

You may be a first time Mum, and want to stick to the guidelines, but he's not a first time Dad, and hasn't had any problems with not sticking to the 'rules', with his previous children, so he has no reason think it should be any different this time. And it probably wouldn't, with the majority of children being absolutely fine.

We do what we think is best for our children, and it's unfortunate that you have opposing views, but I don't think one can overrule the other, so a compromise should be found, which is obviously still in the beat interests of the baby.

I use these sleep suits - they can be zipped up with legs/feet or zipped into a sleeping bag. My nearly 2.5 year old is in one of these, with nothing else in the cot except a breathable bear.

www.ergopouch.com.au/ergopouch-winter-sleepsuit-bag-3-5-tog-triangle-pops.html

I understand the blanket but you’re being OTt about having a teddy. It’s his baby too

Mine had empty cot, no toys, blankets or bumpers.
Gro-bag until almost 3.

My 8 month old just sleeps in a baby sleeping bag. Nothing else in the cot. And I intend for it to stay that way for quite a while yet.
It may be paranoia but why risk it when it's just so easy to NOT put anything else in the cot.

DS slept with a cellular blanket and no pillow at that age. He hated the sleeping bag/got too hot.

He got some toddler bedding around 18m when he moved into a toddler bed.

(Or we coslept on top of the duvet and not near the pillow. You can even get giant cellular blankets)

Gro-bag plus a teddy to go to sleep with. I take the teddy out once he's asleep (4mo) but he can have it all night once he's 1year old. Nothing else.

Pillow is absolutely ridiculous and dangerous.

Can you direct him to the lullaby trust - they do the research and NHS midwives direct people here. I agree with you - it's not worth the risk and although it is his baby too, I think when it comes to safety then the person who follows generic widespread research backed safety advice (sleep advice, car seat advice, vaccination) can overrule the other's preferences. Saying that though the risk of SIDS dramatically reduces after 6 months

Cellular blankets are OK unless there are loads piled up and they are then not breathable

He definitely doesn't need a pillow til he is older than 2, they are fine without and move so much at this age that his head won't stay on it anyway

I think he'd be ok at this age with one smallish teddy or something in there as he can move it if it fell on his face

I think the best thing is a baby sleeping bag. They have advice usually with thrm or you can Google - depending on the sleeping bag tog snd the temperature of the room they will advise exactly what to wear underneath it to keep him the perfect temperature. He can't wriggle out of it or under it.

I've decided to stick to my guns about the fleece blanket and pillow but will tell DP I'm going to get a grow bag because I've taken into consideration what he said about baby getting cold.

My DD hated the gro-bag. Tried it several times and she would kick her legs, cry and just not settle. She used to sleep in a long-sleeved babygro with a couple of cellular blankets over her. Thankfully ours were handed down from my cousin's DD so no expense wasted.

If your DS sleeps with his bum in the air is he able to roll himself into that position? DD quite regularly wriggled herself 180 degrees in her bed so quite a few mornings I would find her upside down with her feet where her head started. Once she was in her cot we had a light cotton sheet over her but most nights that got kicked off. I think she might have had a bed buddy (a small soft toy) from about a year.

She is now 5 and regularly either sleeps with no pyjamas on at all or if she does she kicks her quilt off. She is just a warm child. She still has a bed buddy every night and it gives her something to cuddle before she goes to sleep when we leave her room.

I can't see your DHs reasoning on the cushion thing. Can you ask for a Health Visitor appointment to discuss it. He may take it better from a HCP rather than thinking you are being too PFB (not saying you are, we all have our worries when they are still so small).

My 10 month old sleeps in a grow bag but he also has a blanket and teddy for when he's going asleep and then I take them out once he's asleep.

That sounds good. For extra warmth you could also use a wincyette sheet in the cot as they are warmer or use a fleece blanket as a sheet (as long as it won’t come untucked).