Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask what your baby sleeps (or slept) with in their cot, and be annoyed at DP

74 replies

Conflicted1 · 05/10/2018 00:08

Can I ask what your babies sleep (or slept) with?

DS is almost nine months and until now I've been implementing the empty cot rule as is recommended to reduce the risk of SIDS.

For as long as I've been following the guidelines DP has been trying to counteract them and giving baby fleecey blankets, a teddy and in recent months a little square pillow to sleep with "because he'll get cold otherwise"

He has older DC and is used to doing things that way.

He feels disheartened that I "overrule him" on the subject.

Baby sleeps in an cosy room in PJ's and socks. He is definitely not cold.

AIBU and over zealous, or is he BU by not understanding and assessing the risks associated with having items in babies sleep space?

OP posts:
Fizzyhedgehog · 05/10/2018 05:59

DS had a grobag from very early on. Nothing else in his bedside cot. We did have a sleepyhead but used that mostly for daytime sleeping downstairs.
He's now nearly two and still in a grobag but we are co-sleeping. I'm planning on getting him a grobag with openings for his feet because he's getting annoyed. He won't keep a blanket on, either, though.

Thecatmilk · 05/10/2018 06:11

Mine had blankets from birth but only very light ones with holes in, under the armpits. By 9 months she definitely had a comforter in there too.

toomuchtooold · 05/10/2018 06:13

We put our twins in grobags, nothing else in the cot till 6 months when we got them those little blanket teddy bear things, but they slept terribly and I wanted to see if they would help them settle (they did, and 6 years on those little soft toys are like venerable royalty in our family). If a kid is sleeping OK I can't imagine why you would want to add anything and certainly not a fleece blanket, why would you take the risk?

Isitwinteryet · 05/10/2018 06:13

My 1yo has pjs and s sleep bag. Only her in the cot. No blankets/snuggly toys or anything like that.

MiniMaxi · 05/10/2018 06:16

I was same as you OP, followed guidelines pretty strictly.

Grobag on, tog rated and clothing according to their guide depending on temp of room

Nothing else in cot at all - didn’t want to take the risk.

gimeallthecake · 05/10/2018 06:17

Omg I never knew a fleece blanket was dangerous! Thanks for the heads up.

Limpshade · 05/10/2018 06:17

Mine has just turned 2 and is still just in a grobag in her cot. We did give her a "lovey" to cuddle when we sleep trained her (5mo) but it was a "breathable" toy. Wwhen she was 1yo we let her choose a toy to sleep with, but made sure it was a small one. She also has a breathable mesh lining around the cot bars as she has a tendency to bang around and wake herself up (again, she's had this from 5mo).

There's no way I'd do blankets, cot bumpers, big toys etc, even now. I read a very sad story recently about an 18mo who suffocated in her sleep when a large teddy fell into her cot from a shelf above, and it scared me witless. Only do what you're comfortable with.

Airuth · 05/10/2018 06:27

We used to use a grobag, as babies they loved it, even had one until they were three years old! It meant that stayed warm as they couldn't kick the blanket off. We also used the cellular blankets. I would say a firm no to the fleece one, they can make you very hot.

Starlings27 · 05/10/2018 06:35

DS was in a grobag and had a couple of small jellycat toys by that age. A cellular blanket if it was cold. He didn't have a pillow til he was 2! And then it was a toddler pillow. Your DP is being foolish!

papayya · 05/10/2018 06:35

Yanbu, my little one is 16 months and still doesn't have pillow/teddies etc, in fact I have just started giving him a blanket/quilt in recent weeks as he has just started to become uncomfortable in a sleeping bag.
A guy I used to work with lost their 10m old to SIDS, it's really heartbreaking and so personally I think it's better safe than sorry.

strawberrypenguin · 05/10/2018 06:43

I agree with your DH that I'd want him to be in more than pj's. And I hate sleeping in socks. Get some baby sleeping bags. No suffocation risk and your DH will be happier too. I do agree with you that a thick fleece blanket isn't great.
I don't think a teddy would hurt at his age either.

pocketdoor · 05/10/2018 06:46

Those sleeping bags are an amazing invention.
Mine had a jellycat comforter in their cots from about 6m I think, maybe a bit later.

ShackUp · 05/10/2018 06:48

Neither of mine ever slept in a cot, they were in bed with me. I don't really understand the fuss over types of blankets etc.

Happygummibear · 05/10/2018 06:50

I think it depends on your child.

From about 3 months Mine was in a gro bag with sleeves and in the winter a blanket (she likes to be warm) but her first cot was one built by my grandad which has been in the family for years and about 30 babies have used it and all been fine.

Went into a big cot at 6 months with gro bag and her Ewan sheep.

In the summer sometimes just pjs until we got a air conditioner in her room.

At 7 months she could stand, 9 months ish walking but still in her sleeping bag and is fine..stands up and walks around her cot.

Sometimes I leave the bottom open if it's a bit warmer.

When it gets colder again she has a 2.5 tog with sleeves.

She wriggles and moves, sleeps every which way..because of this I think the bag is safer than a blanket as she can't get tangled and it stays on her.

Mine has also had a dummy from 6 weeks a she needed comfort and I understand that they believe this reduces risk of sids

MemoryOfSleep · 05/10/2018 07:01

I would tell your DH that although yes, his were fine and yes, most babies would be, if the worst did happen and you'd followed the guidance, you'd obviously be heartbroken, but you wouldn't blame yourself. However, if you had failed to follow the guidance you'd not be able to live with yourself and you'd blame him forever. Why take the chance?

That's how I explain it when people act like I'm being unreasonable for following safety guidelines.

boredmum18 · 05/10/2018 07:15

Op I think you really need to put your foot down on this. I think the cellular blanket is a fair compromise, he doesn't need his fleecy pram blanket, that's for use outside where it can be really chilly. I'm sure your house is relatively warm! As pp said, if anything did happen you'd never forgive yourselves!

Also, those posters saying you're cruel and it's his child too. Dh and I have a rule that we always agree things together. If we have differing opinions, if one person wants to follow the guidelines and the other wants to be more relaxed, we go with the guidelines. Because sometimes you have to have things you can't compromise on and that's ok. You have to put the safety of the baby first

Feb2018mumma · 05/10/2018 07:21

We have breathable mattress and grobag, my midwife said you have to get the bags with the popper on the under arm otherwise their heads can go down somehow! So that could be a good compromise? Grobag will be warm and still safe? My bub has bum in the air too :)

Amanduh · 05/10/2018 07:26

My ds was always in his cot or moses basket with a cellular blanket on when he was tiny or a sleeping bag from 6ish weeks.
He is 22mo now and still sleeps in an empty cot with no teddies etc and in a sleeping bag.
He prefers it that way and so do I! I hate people who go on about ‘bare’ cots, they don’t need toys in their cot. It’s a bed! It doesn’t matter if it’s bare! Oh and people who think they need cot bumpers to make it ‘look nice’ bloody infuriate me. Strangulation and suffocation don’t look nice.

Amanduh · 05/10/2018 07:28

(The sleepyhead isn’t recommended for safe sleeping either. Obviously lots use it with no problem, but it isn’t recommended.)

TheHauntedFishtank · 05/10/2018 07:28

You can also get sleeping bags with legs which DS much preferred once he could walk, he didn’t seem to like his legs being restricted.

TheHauntedFishtank · 05/10/2018 07:30

PS my mum is in her 70s and thinks things like sleeping bags are a great idea and wishes they’d been around when we were babies so previous experience is no excuse!

Tomatoesrock · 05/10/2018 07:34

I used a sleeping bag through winter. If it fits properly it is safe to use.

AHintOfStyle · 05/10/2018 07:40

How old are his older children? My eldest is 14 and those guidelines were around then.

jackio2205 · 05/10/2018 07:45

For me its a case of dont tempt fate, even if someone i hated gave me a tip and said just in case, I's never forgove myself if I didn't at least listen and take on board.

Mine has a sleep bag and nothing else apart from layers of clothes. Shes nearly walking at 9 months and is really mobile, but i dont think she'd be able to work out pulling a blanket over her if she was cold, waaaay too early for that, so i'm waiting
X

dementedpixie · 05/10/2018 07:51

At 9 months I wouldn't be bothered about having a small soft toy in the cot. Fleece blanket would be ok as long as it's tucked under the arms so it can't go over the face. Adjust other bedding (I assume there is bedding) according to the room temperature. Baby sleep bags are great and I used them for my kids. They should be sleeveless to prevent overheating