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AIBU?

To not pick DD up?

34 replies

FedUpOfBeingAMug · 03/10/2018 23:03

DD is 21, still living at home. She has a habit of taking the piss.

Today she visited some friends in a city an hour away. She said she would get the last train home and I reminded her to double check when that was on the website before she left. She instead asked at the station on the way there and was told midnight was told midnight.

She found out a short while ago, it wasn't. One of her friends offered for her to sleepover tonight as she has to be in that city tomorrow anyway. She has declined as she has no clean knickers or toothbrush and just had a hissy fit that we won't drop everything to spend 2 hours this late at night to get her.

It's our fault she'll have to spend upwards of £50 on a taxi to get home.

Obviously I've told her to nip to a supermarket, get some knickers and a toothbrush which will be cheaper. We would go and get her if she hadn't had the offer from her friend.

AWBU?

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DeadGood · 03/10/2018 23:05

Nah. She can stay over and as you suggest her new knickers. It might be a makeup/hair issue which is harder to replace for less than £50 but depends why she needs to be in that location tbh.

I think checking at the station vs checking online is a red herring

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GunpowderGelatine · 03/10/2018 23:06

No, you're not. She's old enough to figure it out hers Liz Could she be lying about the friend offering a sleep over?

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FedUpOfBeingAMug · 03/10/2018 23:06

Oh just to add, she has missed last trains before which is why I told her to check. I shouldn't have needed to I know!

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Teaandbiscuits35 · 03/10/2018 23:07

You gave her the perfect solution and you know that she’s safe. I think you handled it perfectly.

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FedUpOfBeingAMug · 03/10/2018 23:09

She told me the friend offered before she left as she has an appointment in that city tomorrow but she cbaed to pack an overnight bag. Rather travel home and then back again tomorrow morning. Outstanding logic huh!

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Katedotness1963 · 03/10/2018 23:13

Hmmmm. I’m not sure. We told our kids to never be stuck anywhere, no matter what time they’d be picked up. We did have one occasion where my husband made a 90 minute round trip at 3am on a December morning when the eldest and his friend missed the last train.

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Foofloofah · 03/10/2018 23:13

I would say no way you sleepover borrow a mates toothbrush and borrow some clean knickers. No way in hell I would pick her up. Sorry be sounds like an entitled spoiled child. She is 21!!! I moved abroad and lived a life I carved out for myself in the third world! Jesus. If that was my child I would be ashamed...sorry. Put your foot down and chill her out into the real world. 21 is more than old enough to learn to drive, get a job and a place to their own. I left home at 17.

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Foofloofah · 03/10/2018 23:15

And I would do the same to my kids. I am shocked she is 21. That’s very teenager tantrum behaviour. 21 and talking like that. Pfft.

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Katedotness1963 · 03/10/2018 23:15

Didn’t finish my thought...

Given she had an offer to stay over with a friend she should have planned better.

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Doghorsechicken · 03/10/2018 23:16

You did the right thing OP. She needs to learn from her mistakes and not just rely on you to pick up the pieces every time

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Foofloofah · 03/10/2018 23:19

I am rarely taken aback but this thread really shocks me! 21! Lock her out, kick her out. Make her fend for herself and become an adult which she technically was 3 years ago. Set her up to succeed and be strong. Life is tough believe me. 21! My Dad would have laughed his head off if I called him up and told him that. He be like sleep at the train station you div. 😂😂

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JulietteGrimm · 03/10/2018 23:20

I'd pick up friends and family stranded from anywhere physically possible if necessary. However, it's a work night and she's got a safe place to stay with her friend so I'd tell her to suck it up. Toothbrush and knickers can be picked up for a couple of quid from a supermarket, or she can choose to pay £50 for a taxi.

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jackio2205 · 03/10/2018 23:20

A lot of people are travelling, moved out, married, kids or at uni at 21, moooore than capable of running their own lives, this is a harsh (some people will think) but vital lesson, good on you, dont give in!
X

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Unicornandbows · 03/10/2018 23:20

She sounds like a brat!! She's 21 not 12

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DeadGood · 03/10/2018 23:28

I don’t think that kicking your kids out at 18 is setting them up for success foofloofah - the world, as you say, is tough and locking your kids out doesn’t really help them does it

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ipadbabysitter · 03/10/2018 23:31

She's a grown up! This will be a good lesson for her. You definitely made the right decision

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FedUpOfBeingAMug · 03/10/2018 23:35

She is a brat. She'd rather one of us drive up the motorway when we were about to go to bed, (work, other DC to get ready for school) than have to go out with tomorrow in yesterday's clothes without a full face of slap on!

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Rebecca36 · 03/10/2018 23:38

You're not unreasonable, she's 21 not 16 and must learn to take responsibility for bad decisions. She'll be more careful next time.

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Gersemi · 03/10/2018 23:41

She could get make-up at a supermarket as well, if it's a big one. If her friend has a dryer, she could easily hand-wash her clothes tonight.

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jackio2205 · 03/10/2018 23:42

Its hard, you obviously care a lot, but she's got to get with the programme. You told her to check, she didnt, its her bad, not ur mistake to fix
X

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PerspicaciaTick · 03/10/2018 23:50

She has somewhere safe to stay, I don't see the need for discussion.

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SummerIsEasy · 03/10/2018 23:59

When our DS was early twenties he fell asleep on the last train and ended up in Newcastle, miles from home. He asked a police vehicle for help and they suggested he could go to an all night casino where he would safe and get the first train the following morning. They even gave him a lift there.

We woke the next day to Facebook pictures of DS with a bunch of football players who were in the casino that night. We were about to set off and try to collect him, when DS came sauntering home. He had got the early train home and had a ball.

Not sure we would have been so blase if it had been our DD in the same scenario, though.

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LanaorAna2 · 04/10/2018 00:01

She can't stay with a mate because she's only...21?

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garethsouthgatesmrs · 04/10/2018 00:09

I am rarely taken aback but this thread really shocks me! why:? Almost everyone agree with you!!

of course you are right OP and you know you are, she wouldn't expect you to pick her up if you hadn't done it in the past. Not doing it today will do her more good than you imagine.

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PickAChew · 04/10/2018 00:13

Fuck no. I know autistic 21 year old's who can get themselves home by public transport, even on a Sunday. She wanted it to be not her problem.

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