Holiday hell

[josie231976]

Each year a member of the family rents a lovely house and invites us to join them. I cant face it next year. But the email has just arrived. How does one decline without kicking off a shit storm

Agree it’s fine to say no, that doesn’t suit us.
We had an awful joint family holiday last year, having previously done long weekends. I knew it would be bad and was dreading it for the previous 12 months. Luckily everyone else found it awful too and it’s not been suggested again!

Do you generally have another holiday without your mum? If not then changing the yearly routine now could be a good way of creating a new way of doing things. If you always go away with her you could find it quite hard to make the break as she gets older and when you might be desperate to have a bit of time to yourselves.

If your DM can easily go that’s great. I’d be totally honest and tell them you’re really touched and grateful for the invite as usual, but as the DC get older youre finding they are struggling more and more to cope with so many new situations all at the same time. You’re going to give a ‘staycation’ a go this time and see how it goes.

How about

"It doesn't work for me and the DC anymore with their autism so we've decided to stay home from now on"

Can you pretend you’re going and then get very ill on the day ?

Will it affect the house they book or would it not matter?

Be honest. Presumably they know the dc are autistic. They’d have to have hearts of stone to refuse to understand that they find it too hard with such large amounts of people/noise and the upset to their routine.

If your mother goes passive-aggressive, I’d be having serious words about her lack of empathy for your dc.

I think oldmum22’s idea is a good one. Surely your mum, living with you and observing your DC daily, must have some idea of how they need routine and familiarity? Did she notice nothing of how they were struggling during the last group holiday, and that you were also stretched to the limit trying to cope?

Even if your mum gets huffy, that’s her problem. You are looking out for your DC, it’s not stopping her going with the others, and digging in your heels rather than pandering to her taking umbrage could just get you what you want.

Could you suggest an alternative that would work for you? Like a group of cottages?

""My kids have autism and both have seperate struggles being out of routine""

That's what you say, end of.

They need you to put them first.

Tell your Family that when you have children with SN, things sometimes have to revolve around them. You only get one childhood. That's more important than the relative (is it Granddad/mum?) getting their own way.