Was it careless of me to leave my baby with a stranger/ doctor for a few minutes

[Mummblebee]

Hey everyone. I had a doctors appointment and took my 6 month old baby girl. While there I was required to give a urine sample and the doctor asked me to use the toilet out of his office and when I went to get my daughter, he said oh just leave her . I left her for a few minutes and when I came back she seemed fine and everything but it makes me feel sick that I left her now because imagine if something had happened to her - I would never know. Oh and he was a male doctor. I can't help but feel that you never know who is an opportunistic predator. Was it careless of me to leave my daughter with a stranger/ doctor, or is it perfectly normal and I'm overthinking it. AIBU?

Fucking hell.

So if you have a son someday, are you going to assume he's a predator, too, when he grows up?

Are you going to freak out every time your son has a male teacher? TA? Nursery worker? Nurse? Scout leader?

You left your son with your GP so you could pee in a cup, a perfectly sensible thing to do ... and frankly, he could have made it awkward for you and made you take the baby in with you! You should be grateful he made it easier for you!

The people to worry about are those you learn to trust.
I would be more concerned about Nursery staff than a random GP. It should be pretty obvious the GP had not even touched your child (let sleeping babies lie). You could have left the office door open, to be even more secure.
Basically be a normally involved parent. If someone gives off a "creepy" vibe then trust your instincts.

In a nursery, the staff member will take your child to a private place to change them to protect their dignity.

In my DD's nursery they do nappy changes on younger ones with the toiler door open to prevent staff being completely alone with them during a nappy change. Means another member of staff could walk past the door.

I think they do toilet training on their own with them though. Not actually sure.

Do people not read? The OPs dad was a predator. Do you not think that after what has happened to her she is on high alert?

OP, you did nothing wrong, and the risk to your baby leaving him with a doctor, in a gp surgery that he works in, for a few minutes, is almost zero. But I understand why you felt that way, and struggle to trust any man.

Strangers is a difficult term because there are people you don't know e.g. gp but who you can trust .
When you teach stranger danger you must also teach who is a safe stranger e.g. teacher doctor paramedic

All of the abuse stories that happen are in closed environments and with a close family member or friend.

Exactly. There is nothing at all to indicate that the situation you were in at the doctor's was a dangerous one. All the evidence suggests that random strangers are not the most common perpetrators of sexual abuse.

Your very natural anxiety is actually making you illogical here.

It's not surprising after the horrible experience you have had that you are going to be very sensitive, especially as your daughter is very young. What you do need to do, in time, is to think it through and come up with a plan for how you are going to handle your anxiety in the long term without transferring it to your daughter or limiting her life. What happened to you was horrible, but it is your life burden and must not be allowed to affect your daughter.

Probably doesn't matter so much now because she is too little to notice, but sooner or later she is going to want a social life, she is going to want to go to school, and do after-school activities, and play at her friends' houses. So you probably have a bit of work ahead here. It's tough, but perhaps as well to be prepared.

I think you would benefit from some good counselling OP, considering your experiences. It is very hard as a parent to risk assess because none of us want anything bad to happen to our children ever but we have to do it on a daily basis on all kinds of issues.

Fortunately the sexual abuse of babies is extremely rare so I don't think you need to take extreme measures to avoid it.

Update.. Spoke to a psychiatrist about general things and I do actually have anxiety which explains the overthinking.

Thanks for the support everyone xxxx

Sorry to be clear he stopped being a GP because he retired not because he left a baby in the cornflake aisle or anything

(Glad you’ve got some support OP)

Thanks for the update OP. I hope things improve for you now and enjoy your baby.

Well done for speaking to someone and beginning to handle this. In this circumstance your first reaction (to leave her) was the correct one, it was just the later over thinking that made you worry. If your first reaction was "uncomfortable", then it might be a good idea to listen to it. Do talk with the psychiatrist about discerning the difference between intuition and boundaries, and overthinking.

Hi OP, I come from an abuse background and until very recently worked with predators. I have the same anxieties as you, these feelings are normal but we have to understand they come from a place of irrational fear and not gut instinct!

My 5 (nearly 6!) year old only just went on their first play date with a neighbour last week where I left them. My neighbour is kind and understanding - she saw me hovering and reassured me she would bring my child back in 30 minutes. I felt lost for those 30 minutes but my child came back beaming!

It probably feels very hard right now as your baby appears so precious and vulnerable in your eyes. But please be reassured - I can spot predators from a mile off and I'm certain you can too. Always trust your instinct - if something doesn't feel right, don't do it x

Thanks everyone