Page 2 | Was it careless of me to leave my baby with a stranger/ doctor for a few minutes

Verbena87 · 03/10/2018 17:01

Normal and fine OP.

You will already be safeguarding her; that’s what mums do.

Sorry you’ve experienced a predator - cannot imagine how hard it is to deal with that, but it might be helpful to try something like CBT if it’s left you understandably very anxious - the majority of people are not predatory/dangerous/a threat and it must be knackering feeling on high alert all the time.

KC225 · 03/10/2018 17:02

Bloody hell, I had twins and used public transport, I would palm at least one of them off on anyone who made eye contact. I remember asking a couple of students to hold one each whilst I folded the pushchair. One of the students said 'But I've never held baby'. I handed one over and said 'FIrst time for everything, his name is .....' Babies were always smiley and I was always very grateful.

Your baby was fine, it was hardly a stranger.

MrsEricBana · 03/10/2018 17:03

Obviously don't leave your baby with a random stranger BUT this was your GP in your doctor's surgery so I think 100% fine and you haven't done anything wrong.

RoboticSealpup · 03/10/2018 17:03

@Mummblebee

Maybe you have some anxiety, especially likely given your back story, but I was similar when DD was tiny. Some people will tell you you have a problem, others might just say it's the mothering instinct. Either way, it was a very normal and OK thing for you to do. Please try not to worry about it anymore.

KitKat1985 · 03/10/2018 17:04

You're really over-thinking this OP.

distantstars · 03/10/2018 17:05

I have had to do the same thing... thing my DD was about 18 months at time.

BuntyII · 03/10/2018 17:05

How is your kid ever going to go to nursery or school if you can't trust a stranger to look after them?

LaundryHepburn · 03/10/2018 17:08

I hope you never have to fly alone with a baby and a toddler. The only chance you’ll have to use the toilet on the plane will mean leaving them for a couple of minutes with the nearest friendly looking passenger(s)...

MemoryOfSleep · 03/10/2018 17:12

Don't be so hard on yourself, OP. It's natural to dislike being separated from your six month old. And the media make us very aware of the potential dangers, probably making them seem more common than they are, so it's easy to get very paranoid about leaving babies with anyone.

99RedBalloonsFloating · 03/10/2018 17:13

Hi OP don't beat yourself up about whether your responses are rational or not at the moment, you have a small baby you are obviously looking after very well and that's the main thing.

People who have never as a vulnerable person, experienced "predatory" human beings simply have no idea what it's like. One of the "positive" elements, in a way, now that you are an adult, is that you do actually know how twisted and exploitative people can be to vulnerable children or others in their care and you will ensure this does not happen to your child. You absolutely are not wrong or deranged and right to not just assume that because someone is in a position of authority, or trust, that they are trustworthy or deserving of that power.

However, as you also seem to recognise, because of your experience, it's also very easy to just retreat to a position dominated by fear and paranoia, assuming the worst and just not trusting anyone at all, ever. So maybe that's something you can work on with a counsellor in your own good time, if you feel it is negatively affecting you or your child. But don't for one minute think that there's anything wrong with you or your judgement that needs to be "fixed".

Original poster

Mummblebee · 03/10/2018 17:13

A nursery is different. There are multiple staff members, protocol cctv etc. Someone alone with a child behind closed doors can do anything and no one is accountable and the child can't speak up for the self. All of the abuse stories that happen are in closed environments and with a close family member or friend. Maybe I am overthinking but I honestly don't think you can be too safe.

To all of those raising an eyebrow at me mentioning the fact that the doctor was a male. Please check your statistics.

OP posts:

spaceraidersrock · 03/10/2018 17:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BuntyII · 03/10/2018 17:16

In a nursery, the staff member will take your child to a private place to change them to protect their dignity.

FoxFoxSierra · 03/10/2018 17:18

Relax! Don't you think if he was a sexual predator he would have plenty of other opportunities to get his sick kicks?? Intimate examinations etc? (I am not for one moment suggesting that this dr is a pervert btw, just trying to show how unlikely it is that he would do anything to op's baby even if he was) I have actually gone up to a random stranger before and asked them to hold my sleeping baby while I dashed off to the loo with dc1, most people are not paedophiles

Orlande · 03/10/2018 17:18

Nursery staff and Childminders are often alone with children, at some point you do just have to trust and hope for the best.

QueenNovo · 03/10/2018 17:22

If it bothers you so much, baby wear. Then you can just take dc with you

I tried this, our GP surgery at the time was tiny and had a "No prams inside" rule so i took DD in the sling, turns out getting bloods taken with a wriggly baby in a sling attached to you isn't the best idea. The GP had to get one of the receptionists in to hold her.

Kewqueue · 03/10/2018 17:23

OP you didn't put your child at risk.

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Was it careless of me to leave my baby with a stranger/ doctor for a few minutes41
Today 16:40 Mummblebee

Hey everyone. I had a doctors appointment and took my 6 month old baby girl. While there I was required to give a urine sample and the doctor asked me to use the toilet out of his office and when I went to get my daughter, he said oh just leave her . I left her for a few minutes and when I came back she seemed fine and everything but it makes me feel sick that I left her now because imagine if something had happened to her - I would never know. Oh and he was a male doctor. I can't help but feel that you never know who is an opportunistic predator. Was it careless of me to leave my daughter with a stranger/ doctor, or is it perfectly normal and I'm overthinking it. AIBU?

Today 16:42 Aprilislonggone

Assume its your pfb??
Breathe op, you didn't put your dc at risk.

Today 16:43 PristineCondition

Crikey
I left my sleeping tots with no end of strangers in coffee shops when I needed a wee

Today 16:43 redwinebreak

I would have left my dd too in the same circumstances

Today 16:44 LolaPickle

You are over thinking it OP, relax x

Today 16:45 EmUntitled

You're overthinking. He's a doctor in his place of work. Realistically what could he have done to a 6 month old in 2 minutes?

Seriously, put it out of your mind. If this sort of thing makes you anxious just don't do the same thing next time.

Breast pumps: electric or manual? The best of both worlds

Today 16:45 Sirzy

Perfectly normal thing to do. No need to worry at all.

Today 16:45 seven201

Of course you weren't careless. Do you suffer from anxiety?

Today 16:45 SaucyJack

You’re fine. I think doctors need to be added to the “assumed to be safe” list.

Today 16:45 Aridane

OP - sorry, but you sound a bit deranged. Your doctor is not a predatory paedophile waiting to abuse your baby while you give a urine sample

Today 16:45 Beebopdooowopdo

“Oh it was a male doctor”

Hmmmm must be a raging perv then OP! Seriously though you are over reacting.

Today 16:46 Darkstar4855

It’s perfectly normal and you’re overthinking it.

Today 16:46 Redglitter

It's perfectly normal and yes you're over thinking it. It's not like you left her with some random in the street. You left her with your GP. I bet anyone would have done exactly the same

Today 16:46 Aridane

Sorry- ‘deranged’ was a bit mean and harsh. Apologies

Today 16:46 TheQueef

Slow down lass, it was the GP he's been checked thoroughly.
I would have left my DC with Saddam Hussain when I had bad cystitis

Today 16:46 LloydColeandtheCoconuts

You’re overthinking this. Don’t assume that because he asked you to leave the baby with him that he’s a sexual predator.
Don’t worry about this.
If it’s any consolation I used to have thoughts like this when my DC we’re tiny.

Today 16:46 Orlande

Anyone could be an opportunistic predator - the gp, the childminder, the primary school teacher, the Brownie leader, the ballet teacher.
But realistically it's very unlikely, they are all dbs checked and it's perfectly reasonable to leave your child with other people sometimes.

Today 16:47 LloydColeandtheCoconuts

*were
And i know I was completely irrational!

Today 16:49 Namechangeforthiscancershit

My DF was a male gp for decades and used to be handed babies in the supermarket without any preamble so that people could reach top shelves, sort out other children etc. I mean I guess providing a urine sample in Tesco would have been unusual but I think the babies were all fine.

You did nothing wrong. Male or not I really think you have to assume you can trust hcp with a baby for the time it takes to wee in a tube. Don’t stress about it.

Today 16:50 Namechangeforthiscancershit

Sorry to be clear he stopped being a GP because he retired not because he left a baby in the cornflake aisle or anything

Today 16:53 SheCameFromGreeceSheHadaThirst

Oh and he was a male doctor. I can't help but feel that you never know who is an opportunistic predator

hmm

Today 16:54 Mummblebee

Thanks everyone I accept that I may have an irrational fear due to my own father being a predator. Does anyone have safeguarding tips or methods for mindfully protecting your baby? X

*Yes deranged was a bit mean. You don't know someone's life experiences or perception of reality so to call someone deranged because it does not meet up with your life experiences and perception is both dismissive and quite ignorant.

Thanks everyone for sharing opinions it's really helpful.

If it bothers you so much, baby wear. Then you can just take dc with you. I had a flu jab while wearing mine.
I'm surprised that this was allowed. I keeled over with no warning when I had mine!

Kewqueue · 03/10/2018 17:24

What?? No idea what happened there. Sorry!

EK36 · 03/10/2018 17:30

I totally get where you're coming from as I was sexually abused as a small child by a family member. I was completely OTT with safeguarding my first and more laid back with my second child. I think it's best to treat every stranger the same. Bring baby with you for your own peace of mind. Otherwise your mind will be facing as baby can't tell you what happened if anything! I totally understand how you feel.

CherryPavlova · 03/10/2018 17:30

I actually think it’s a horrible attitude to assume every man you come into contact with is a predatory paedophile. You are happy to consult with them, you want to use their skills and knowledge but you then assume they want to abuse your baby.

elliejjtiny · 03/10/2018 17:33

It's fine to do that OP. My ds's paediatrician looked after one of mine for me at 4 months when I went to get one of my others from the recovery room. When I got back she had shown him off to her secretary and shown him how to send a blood sample to the lab. I think she quite enjoyed herself

Mymomsbetterthanyomom · 03/10/2018 17:35

You are just fine!!
But I understand your anxiety about it. You are mindful of the dangers and that's the most important thing.

Mummadeeze · 03/10/2018 17:38

Cherry, that is very unsympathetic given the OPs past experience. OP, I think in that situation you were right to trust the Doctor though. It is what everyone would do, rather than take their baby in the loo to do a urine test. You have to assume the Doctor is professional and there to help. Am glad that your baby seemed fine when you came back and I hope you aren’t too worried now.

YearOfYouRemember · 03/10/2018 17:40

Bee - stop being so hard on yourself. Most people who have been fortunate not to have any experience of SA will never understand the panic one can feel when you have a child of your own. You did nothing wrong and your baby was fine. Look after yourself.

rocketpocket · 03/10/2018 17:44

What're you gonna do when you have to leave your child with a teacher? Also a stranger, possibly a male and (therefore, apparently) a potential predator.