AIBU or is my DP

[Abby1989]

So last night me and DP had a huge row.

We have a baby boy and live in a rented house that's quite small and I hate the way it's decorated. DP lived there before I moved in with him so I had no input on choosing it.

We earn good money (I'm on mat leave atm tho) between us (as in over £100k basic) and there's no reason for us to live in a too small, badly decorated house. We cant buy at the moment as he has missed payments from a few years ago when his ex gf used his credit card during a not very civil break up.

Anyway, he said we could move into a nicer house and he could afford a budget of X per month etc (as I'm on mat he is funding things until I go back to work) so we viewed this gorgeous house and then he said last night we need to see if we can afford it and he doesnt want to move somewhere more expensive with me if I'm not going to tidy up (I'm not awful btw! But having a newborn does mean on the odd day there's a little mess occasionally but cernatinly nothing bad!)

I got quite upset (I am still a ltitle hormonal) as in my head if he had doubts about moving for whatever reason this should have been addressed before we viewed houses and I fell in love with one. He said I'm not emotionally stable enough(!!!) to even have a conversation and therefore happy to let us lose the lovely house we found.

Who IBU here??

YADNBU. He sounds very controlling, especially not letting you put a family photo out. It should be your home too and if he wants it tidier then he should be contributing to the cleaning.

Saying he can’t talk to you because you’re “emotionally unstable” is a big red flag to me. Instead of having an adult conversation where he has to justify his views he’s belittling you and making it feel like you’re the one with the problem.

I had an ex who was like this and I’m sorry to say it doesn’t get better. He’s dangling the new house in front of you like a carrot to try and make you do what he wants. I don’t really know what to advise you other than don’t be afraid to leave if he is continually making you unhappy and treating you like this.

He sounds like a selfish, controlling cunt. You already know it's not going to get better. Please don't wait around until your suspicions are proved right.

Sorry OP, but he sounds like a twat.

No doubt you will be doing majority of childcare even when you do go back to work.

Did you grow up with a father who treated your mother like a combination of household pet and kitchen appliance? Someone, somewhere has taught you that women are men's servants, and men must always be placated and obeyed - this is bullshit. If a man can't treat you like an equal, like someone he respects as well as loves, then dump that man straight away. You can do better. You deserve better.

Reanimated - I don't remember much of my parents being together. I don't have a relationship with my dad and haven't for years. (I know he is well and have him on FB but that is it!)

My mum didnt work as she stayed at home when she had my brother with my stepdad - he very much runs the household finances etc

OK, so you grew up recieving the message that The Man of The House must be obeyed and indulged. It's a crock of shit. Your partner should be your equal, not your owner. Sadly you've picked a sexist bully for yourself, now, and you would be much better off getting rid of him, because standing up to him is not going to work.

I never get relationships where the women stays at home and he man deals with the finances. How does the man know what to buy if he’s out of the house all the time? Makes no sense

Wow....if you are a good girl and do all the household woman stuff, I will let you live in a bigger house.
Patronising dickhead. If he thinks it is messy now, how on earth is he going to cope with a growing child?
His mess is ok but yours isn't?
You need to explain slowly, using words of one syllable what co living is all about. That this is not his home but your joint home which means that there will be evidence of your presence in it.
If he wants a showhome, he can move into one. The life and love will be at yours.
Twat.