To consider not letting DS play with this boy again?

[SausageSimon]

DS has just started school this September and he's made his first friend. We know of the family but haven't spent time with them before, but I'd been chatting to his mum who was really nice. She was telling me she thinks he may be autistic as he has speech problems and sensory issues too. I have similar worries with my DS (more sensory, his speech is fine) and wondered if that's why they were drawn to each other because of their similarities. It was nice to have another mum to talk to about it too! Their family has a bit of a reputation, but I don't know whether it's relevant.

She invited DS round to play and I knew she'd take good care of him so I said yes. I picked him up and he'd had a lovely time!

A week or so later I offered to have her DS round for tea so I picked them both up from school. But when we were walking home he went "shit that's a lot of lorries!" I was gobsmacked, DS didn't hear him and I just ignored it cause I was so surprised.

We got home and they played lovely and another boy from the next street came to play. He swore again so I had a word with him, he wouldn't look at me and went off back to play. I thought maybe he's embarrassed and will learn his lesson.

They got on well for a while and had fun, but then things turned sour. The boy was doing something and DS and the other friend told him nicely not to. Then he got angry and DS says he called them pig shits (he told me after he'd gone).

His mum is really pleased and wants them to keep playing together, and I think she's really nice but I'm not happy with him swearing especially not at DS.
I'm wondering whether to try phase it out but I think she'll know something is wrong?

I'm unsure how she'd take it if I told her what he'd been saying!

Would you just stop letting them play together out of school?

I could get over the swearing where it was used passively and keep correcting him, but it was the nasty name calling that has really put me off him entirely.

DS and his other friend are polite and nice boys. They know swear words but also know to never say them!
This boy saying it so often makes me wonder what else he says and does that I don't know about?

AIBU?

If he does turn out to have autism then one of th things autistic children often do is to say and do inappropriate things. Its to do with their lack of social skills. If he has heard someone (an older child, an adult, someone on TV) use those words then he hasn't necesarily got the ability to know that its Ok for them as adults but not him or its OK in certain situations, not others. It is especially so if he is trying to fit in or mask. Autistic children often copy others becasue they don't instinctively know how to socialise.

It used to drive me loopy that ds's school would send home reading books with mild swear words in but expect him then not to use them.

Every time he swears inappropriately I wuld gently, without fuss say something like, that is not a nice word please don't use it again.

My 4.5 year old doesn't know any swear words and I would phase play dates out if she made any friends who kept swearing - especially at her in anger. I don't think I'd explain why to the other parent.

My autistic ds swears. We have a horrible neighbour that shouts and swears a lot, which makes my children anxious. Ds repeats the swearing whenever he is anxious or upset, and he's learned some very colourful language from the neighbour's rants. The more I try to stop it, the worse it gets, as his anxiety sky rockets. When he does swear, others try to tell him off, which only makes it worse. I ask people to please just ignore it, as right now the main focus is on him calming down as then the swearing stop anyway. When he's swearing at home, I deal with it by dealing with the anxiety. When he's in public, it's trickier. Reminding him prior to going out isn't helpful either. It's just a work in progress, and we deal with it, but people are often less than understanding.

What are "lorries"? I thought they were just trucks. Google is being no help at all. Is it some kind of insult?