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AIBU?

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Original poster

Schools treatment of disabled relative

53 replies

BlueBucket · 02/10/2018 16:38

DH went to get the kids from school today with his godfather who's in a wheelchair and has a few other problems including speech. Younger kids were released to DH and left with GF in the playground while DH went round the school to get older DS.

All of them were absolutely fine, no reason for anybody to be concerned or get involved, both kids were sat on GF's lap chatting to him. A teacher (who doesn't teach any of my kids) came nearby and told them both to get off from there, GF put his arms round them to hold them up and tried to explain they were fine, he stuttered no and couldn't say this immediately but if she had waited and came closer he would have been able to. She stayed back and told the kids that they both needed to come with her now which they did as she's a teacher and they obviously didn't think she was trying to get them away from their GP but that they had to do or get something from the school. Kids had gone past and said bye to GF, teacher turned back around and said that she will take them to find their parents and that he could leave now. He knew what she had assumed, knew he wasn't strong enough to rush over or explain himself properly so went to wait outside of the gates knowing DH would be back in a minute.

Kids were asked lots of questions by the teacher that they didn't understand and she was asking staff where their dad had gone, to go and get him and to check the old man in the wheelchair had left on his own. Kids were both crying when DH came back thinking something bad had happened to GF, nobody got an apology when he explained and he then ran out with the kids to find DF so didnt finish the conversation

DF is devastated that she just assumed he was going to hurt his grandchildren and that he wasn't able to straight away speak up for them and save them from being upset, all the kids are still upset as they think something bad has happened that we aren't telling them.

AIBU to be really angry and upset over this?

I can't tell if she actually behaved as horribly as I'm thinking she did or if I'm just overreacting because everyone in the house is upset right now and that even though she got it very wrong she was only trying to protect my kids. What would you be saying to the school tomorrow?

OP posts:
RedHelenB · 02/10/2018 16:42

If the teacher didn't know who he was or been told he was doing the pick up then they are covering their backs. Personally I think it's all a bit out nowadays!

Bunnybigears · 02/10/2018 16:42

How old are the children involved?

Jammiebammie · 02/10/2018 16:44

It sounds like the issue was the fact the children were with a strange man (to the teacher) and not to do with the fact he was in a mobility scooter.
It must have been awful for him, but the teacher was safe guarding the children and I fail to find an issue in that - I’d rather an innocent man questioned than a guilty man not.
I hope you are all ok now, perhaps a good point to explain to the children that because GF is not known to the children then the teacher was just double checking that it was safe enough.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 02/10/2018 16:46

I think the teacher has handled it really clumsily but I can understand why they would want to check who the children were with. There was a far, far better way to go about it though and I'm sorry everyone is upset.

I don't actually know if I'd contact school or not tbh.

WorraLiberty · 02/10/2018 16:46

I'm a bit confused.

Is your DH's Godfather related to the children?

Original poster
BlueBucket · 02/10/2018 16:47

But the children had already been released by the school to DH, he hadnt wondered in on his own and expected them to just be given to him.
Kids are 4 and 5.

OP posts:
Feefeetrixabelle · 02/10/2018 16:47

I think everything up until the identity of the gf was correct. Unknown man with children. Removed to check they are safe. She should have waited for his answer. But the minute she found out she was wrong she should have apologised and come out and apologised to gf. Who would no doubt of taken it in good grace.

hairbearbitch · 02/10/2018 16:49

How old are the children?
I'm wondering why the teacher didn't just ask them who they were with.

biscuitmillionaire · 02/10/2018 16:49

Teacher should have asked the children if they knew him, if he was collecting them, etc. It seems like she rushed to the wrong conclusion. However, it would have been been better if DH had introduced the godfather (grandfather?) to a member of staff.

ValleyClouds · 02/10/2018 16:49

I'm the first to say if I think somethings disablist - in this case I think not

Teacher didn't recognise random man on the playground whose lap children were sitting in and couldn't see a parent. Schools are shit got on safeguarding these days.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 02/10/2018 16:50

For context, once a couple of children I know (primary age) managed to not get picked up/put on the school bus (still don't know what went wrong with the communication). I knew them, I was also a parent at the school, they were standing outside crying, so I took them by the hand, gave the littlest a little hug, then walked them back into school so we could find someone to phone their mum (I didn't have a phone on me).

Teacher shouted at the kids to move away from me, that they had been very naughty for talking to me in the first place when they knew they had to come back into the school if anything went wrong with transport. This was a teacher that had taught my DC a couple of years before so hardly a stranger! I just thought it was all very off, roaring at kids who had actually been really clever and approached a grown-up they knew.

Fiffyshadesofgreymatter · 02/10/2018 16:52

But if this teacher does not teach either of the kids, then she wouldn't be expected to know their parents. But she's come out and seen the kids sitting on the lap of an older man... And immediatly dragged them away. In a normal circumstance, she'd have said "hi boys, is this you grampa (or similar guess for the age of the adult)". This give the kids an innocent reason to say "yes he is our X" or "no, we just met him".

But it seems that she saw an older, different abled person so dragged the kids away because she's decided that type of person must be a problem.

I'd be having words with the school about how she handled this. The children were with an adult you had chosen and she took them away when she could simply have asked. And telling the man to go away, and trying to make sure he had left on his own... shows she had decided he was a predator. She should have had a conversation with him or the kids and then waited to see if a parent came back. What she did was quite a blatant "I think you're a pervert" and it's not ok.

Cleanermaidcook · 02/10/2018 16:53

It's a safeguarding issue.Although 1 teacher had released them to your dh another saw them still on school grounds with a strange man who they didn't know or have permission to take them. I think school did the right thing although they did it clumsily and could have handled it better. I don't think it would gave been anything to do with the disability, just that he is a stranger to them who doesn't normally do pick up.
I'd rather they were over cautious than let them leave with anyone they don't know.

starfishmummy · 02/10/2018 16:55

I think it was a difficult situation. Obviously the teacher saw the kids with someone she thought was a stranger and acted accordingly.

Original poster
BlueBucket · 02/10/2018 16:55

I'm not annoyed that she wanted to check but she didnt come other and talk to GF and the kids to check they were okay, she just rushed them away from him and told him to leave.
I just can't imagine if it had been an old woman/man who wasnt disabled sat on the bench at the back of the playground happily with 2 siblings who had already been released by the school to their parent that she would have caused such a scene. Other friends and family members turn up in the playground all the time time with parents to collect kids and nothings ever happened like this.

OP posts:
YouTheCat · 02/10/2018 17:00

They didn't let them leave with just anybody though. The children had been released to their dad and then left with the gf whilst they waited for him to get back with their older sibling. The teacher will know that the children will not have been allowed out of the classroom unless their adult had picked them up.

She could have waited with them till their father got back to them.

Squidgee · 02/10/2018 17:09

Godfather or Grandfather? I'm confused.

Either way, while I appreciate what she was doing, the fact the children had already been released to their parent who had then left them safely with GF, she completely went around it the wrong way and she ought to apologise.

I would raise it with the school tbh.

TheDarkPassenger · 02/10/2018 17:14

Eh is is godfather or grandfather? I’m confused.

If I was the teacher I’d probably ask the children who it was and then maybe waited around for someone to come back.. it’s safeguarding but she took it way too far. I would have expected an apology

Fiffyshadesofgreymatter · 02/10/2018 17:18

@TheDarkPassenger

Maybe he's their grandfather but THE godfather...

TheDarkPassenger · 02/10/2018 17:23

@fiftyshadesofgreymatter

That would certainly explain why the teacher was unnerved by him Grin

Sirzy · 02/10/2018 17:24

From the teacher point of view there was someone who was unknown to the staff interacting with children on the school playground. Of course she was right to move the children away because she has to protect them.

Ideally they should have all gone around with your husband, or made sure the teacher was aware first.

Doesn’t seem anything to do with disability and everything to do with unknown adult on school grounds

zzzzz · 02/10/2018 17:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Thundercracker · 02/10/2018 17:27

Godfather or grandfather doesn’t really matter does it?

In any case - I don’t think it was about him being disabled, and everything about her seeing two small children sat on the lap of a strange man. She wasn’t the one who let them out to your DH - given he wasn’t there she might assume that a colleague had failed to follow procedure. (Imagine if that had been the case and she’d just let them go past with an actual stranger!)

Children’s safety comes first. At that age at our school just because the child thinks they are going with someone isn’t good enough - if the school hasn’t heard from a parent that someone else will be collecting, they can’t go. I think her reaction as you describe it was over the top (shouting) but her instinct to safeguard children was spot on.

Pythonesque · 02/10/2018 17:29

If the school has a reliable system for releasing children only to identified collectors, then teachers should be able to feel confident that children are not going to be out in the playground unless they have been properly collected. Maybe that is the point to start with when raising it with school - ask if they are concerned that their procedures might be inadequate? Then point out that if their procedures are working (as it sounds like they are), the default assumption in this situation should be that the parent / authorised person is in range and knows what is going on. So ask by all means but don't jump to the worst conclusion first.

Hope you can get a thoughtful response from the school!

Lalliella · 02/10/2018 17:30

She shouldn’t have taken them away and asked him to leave, that’s an absolute disgrace. If she didn’t recognise him she should have asked the children and waited with them for the dad to get back if she had any doubts. I think she was making assumptions based on his disability, and that you should complain.

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